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Original poster

My boyfriend moved in too early and now I’m pregnant

274 replies

AmyJahabee · 25/03/2022 09:52

Hi All,

I need your advice!

I am 37 and currently have 2 daughters from previous relationships, boyfriend is 42 no kids.

I met my boyfriend in October 2021 it was nice at beginning. He lives at his mum when I met him. But just after a month he slowly moved himself in my house. I have never been happy with this as I thought it too soon at the start I suggested seeing each other 3 times a week and he will say what do need the time for, I felt pressured and guilty that I love him less just cause I need space for little.
My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him.

When I meet him he said he can’t have kids and been married for 10years and never manage to get his ex pregnant so I shouldn’t worry about contraception. I was totally shocked when I found out I was pregnant and I really hate been pregnant and want an abortion now. Don’t know what to know.

I want the abortion as I feel the relationship is too soon to handle this and currently we are constantly arguing, he doesn’t want to go out with us anywhere really apart stay at home which I’m finding really boring.

I think overall I feel him moving him is a big mistake and I just hate it.

Please help what should I do.

Have an abortion?

I know if I do abortion he will leave me but I’m tired of feeling he will leave if I do things he doesn’t like.
As him to leave the house ?
I have mentioned saying it too soon moving in and I’m overwhelmed and he says I don’t want the relationship. I want the relationship but just didn’t have any time to decide about living together.

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 25/03/2022 14:44

Now is your chance to change the locks and send him one final message telling him he is not to come back. Then block and ignore.

Gettingthingsdone777 · 25/03/2022 14:58

This is a very difficult situation I’m so sorry you have to deal with it. It seems you know what you want to do, and I think your instincts are right. As others have said, there are several red flags here. For example very fast moving relationships are often, in my experience, driven forward by men with serious issues around controlling their partners which may only truly come to light when your lives are so intertwined that it would be incredibly difficult to move on. There is a good chance that things could get a worse for you and your children if a new baby comes along. Very dishonest of him to tell you he was infertile, this is fraud really. This is not a person you can trust to be around you and your children, get him out as calmly as you can would be my advice.

VodselForDinner · 25/03/2022 15:00

My advice, in order-

  1. Tell him to leave.
  2. Have an abortion.
  3. Get an STD test.
  4. Stop moving strange men into your children’s home.
LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 25/03/2022 15:01

Change the locks now. A locksmith will come at short notice (expensive but worth it) or if you have a basic set of tools you can do it yourself with a you tube video.

Then pack up his stuff so you can leave it outside or drop to his mum.

You don’t have to have anymore contact than you can handle.

SheilaWilcox · 25/03/2022 15:05

Pack all his stuff up and tell him not to bother coming back from his mums.
He'll whine, complain, manipulate, but stay strong and get this emotional abuser out of your and your children's lives. They deserve better even if you can't see that you do too.

(and as someone else said, change the locks.)

Gilly12345 · 25/03/2022 15:09

42 and still living with his Mum no wonder he moved so quickly with you and also no contraception!

You need to do what’s best for you.

I don’t like the sound of him wanting to buy together when you already own a property.

Can you afford do you want a child with him?

DrSophia · 25/03/2022 15:16

This simply cannot be real.

Bellringer · 25/03/2022 15:27

This has trouble all over it. Kick him out now while you still can.
Your body your choice.

tkwal · 25/03/2022 15:32

He lied to you about his fertility. Now that you are pregnant you will be trapped by him. You need to stand up and ask him to move back to his Mum's so you can clearly consider your options.
This should give you space to consider whether you want the relationship to continue and, separately if you wish to continue with the pregnancy. My feeling is that he can't be trusted and if you can't trust him you will end up being quite miserable.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 25/03/2022 15:43

I knew a bloke like this years ago who would say he couldn't have kids then get them pregnant so he could get his feet under the table.
Typical sponger behaviour.
Get rid of him and everything else or it will not end well.

LittleOwl153 · 25/03/2022 15:45

Make sure you check your phone for tracking apps. You sound as though you think its odd he's decided to go home for a bit... he could just be picking up on things and trying to test you or it could be more sinister.

Does he know about the baby? I assume not if he's decided to leave when he doesn't know about the abortion. Or has he found out by reading something?

acatcalledjohn · 25/03/2022 15:45

When I meet him he said he can’t have kids and been married for 10years and never manage to get his ex pregnant so I shouldn’t worry about contraception.

That's one hell of a red flag. I'm sure it's been said already but please go for STD testing in addition to your abortion appointment. Your GP should be able to recommend a local sexual health clinic.

JingsMahBucket · 25/03/2022 15:56

@AmyJahabee

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your message and I agree with all and accepted I have made a mistake and feel really ashamed and bad for my kids. I have been to the GP and ask to be booked for abortion. Strange I came home and he said it’s not happy between us and he will be going home for a bit after he finishes work today ( he works from home).

@AmyJahabee change your locks, sis. And sweep the apartment for trackers or cameras. Change your passwords.
PonyPatter44 · 25/03/2022 16:26

Hi Amy, I think you are doing exactly the right thing in booking the abortion. This man is a liar and who knows what else. You do not want to be tied to him for the next 18 years via a child, and don't move in with him.

I hope you're feeling OK. You're making the right decision for yourself and your children. This man is bad news for all of you.

Characterisartion · 25/03/2022 16:27

Thanks so much for your message and I agree with all and accepted I have made a mistake and feel really ashamed and bad for my kids. I have been to the GP and ask to be booked for abortion. Strange I came home and he said it’s not happy between us and he will be going home for a bit after he finishes work today ( he works from home).

Change the locks, throw his stuff into bags, and block his number after sending a message saying it's over and to not message you again. And go through with the termination if that's what you want. get him out of your life for good - for your daughters' sake!

Hidingunderthetableshaking · 25/03/2022 16:30

Is he reading this thread? Any chance he has your passwords or access to your laptop?

AcrossthePond55 · 25/03/2022 16:40

@AmyJahabee

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your message and I agree with all and accepted I have made a mistake and feel really ashamed and bad for my kids. I have been to the GP and ask to be booked for abortion. Strange I came home and he said it’s not happy between us and he will be going home for a bit after he finishes work today ( he works from home).

Call him and tell him not to come back and then change your locks.

Deal with your pregnancy as YOU see fit without regards to him.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 25/03/2022 16:43

@AmyJahabee

Yes he contributed a third to bill. And my house is fully paid for.He basically earns 3 times more than me. He only start contributing in early February when I have to ask him I thought as he moved in himself he would’ve offered so was been polite and waiting.

He also mentioned in past suggesting I could sell my house and used all the proceeds to buy a new house together. I said no as I want to keep this but will be happy to pay my share of deposit for new house.

Have you taken leave of your senses?

How can you think of putting your money into a house with him?

He earns 3 times as much as you, forced himself into your home to escape his parents, and is now trying to get his hands in your equity, your cash, to buy for himself (even if it is shared).

At this stage of a relationship you should be over the moon with bliss, not bored with staying in, feeling pressured, worrying about him leaving you etc.

He obviously lied about no need to use contraception (and how ridiculous anyway. Even if true, maybe it was his ex who couldn’t conceive), and you don’t want to be pregnant, so have a termination.

Otherwise you will be trapped, one way or another.

Yes, it is too soon, he should not be pressuring you, he shouldn’t be moving in so soon when you have Dds living with you, and he has no business pressuring you to keep the pregnant either.

How old are your Dds?

OP, please look after yourself here. Please.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 25/03/2022 16:47

So sorry OP, I missed your last post.

Very pleased that you are regaining control over your life.

Nothing to be ashamed about, just hang on in there, maintain your boundaries and out your D.C. and yourself first.

Good luck!

GrowingUpIsATrap · 25/03/2022 16:53

@AmyJahabee Don't beat yourself up, you've learned a lesson and hopefully you will do things differently next time. I am happy you've made a decision and that you can move on x

ScreamingSauvignon · 25/03/2022 16:55

Omg please save your daughters from what could be absolute hell for the remainder of their childhood.

Save yourself from that hell and potentially losing the children you have.

This is a disaster waiting and clear for all to see.

Have an abortion and rid him from your life.

NOW!!

BourbonVanilla · 25/03/2022 16:55

When I meet him he said he can’t have kids and been married for 10years and never manage to get his ex pregnant so I shouldn’t worry about contraception.

Eh? Maybe she was infertile. You should have insisted on contraception.

RenovationNightmare · 25/03/2022 16:57

@Hidingunderthetableshaking

Is he reading this thread? Any chance he has your passwords or access to your laptop?
^ This
AnneKipankitoo · 25/03/2022 17:02

Hope you are fine @AmyJahabee.

It’s been a while since you posted .

mummytothreex · 25/03/2022 17:04

Sounds like he trapped you into having a baby. Abort if you don't want a baby with him! Lots of 🚩🚩
Kick him out of YOUR house! You make the rules not him.

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