My boyfriend moved in too early and now I’m pregnant

[AmyJahabee]

Hi All,

I need your advice!

I am 37 and currently have 2 daughters from previous relationships, boyfriend is 42 no kids.

I met my boyfriend in October 2021 it was nice at beginning. He lives at his mum when I met him. But just after a month he slowly moved himself in my house. I have never been happy with this as I thought it too soon at the start I suggested seeing each other 3 times a week and he will say what do need the time for, I felt pressured and guilty that I love him less just cause I need space for little.
My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him.

When I meet him he said he can’t have kids and been married for 10years and never manage to get his ex pregnant so I shouldn’t worry about contraception. I was totally shocked when I found out I was pregnant and I really hate been pregnant and want an abortion now. Don’t know what to know.

I want the abortion as I feel the relationship is too soon to handle this and currently we are constantly arguing, he doesn’t want to go out with us anywhere really apart stay at home which I’m finding really boring.

I think overall I feel him moving him is a big mistake and I just hate it.

Please help what should I do.

Have an abortion?

I know if I do abortion he will leave me but I’m tired of feeling he will leave if I do things he doesn’t like.
As him to leave the house ?
I have mentioned saying it too soon moving in and I’m overwhelmed and he says I don’t want the relationship. I want the relationship but just didn’t have any time to decide about living together.

Omg he told you to sell your house. Get rid of the gold digging parasite. you’ve barely even known him six months, cheeky fucker!! What on earth attracted you!?

He’s a cuckoo in your nest. Kick him out and decide what you want to do about the pregnancy. It sounds as though you know what’s right for you already, be brave and do what you need to

Red flags everywhere. I also think abortion would be the easiest option and throwing him out. He sounds very manipulative.

Make an appointment today for an abortion. If he doesn’t know you are pregnant then don’t tell him.

Ask him to leave tonight. He has somewhere to go - his mum. Pack up all his things on Saturday and text him with a time to collect. You can call your local police in advance, explain you will be asking your partner to leave and you are concerned ( if that is the case). Then call them again once you tell him if he reacts badly. They will b my abs him leave.
Then be kind to yourself. This guy has manipulated you but you have realised that and are taking steps to resolve it. Long term I’d suggest the freedom programme and developing some very strong boundaries.

Please don't worry about being nice and polite, please don't worry about his feelings, he's not worrying about your feelings. All he's thinking about is himself.
Take the good advice here and get your home and your life with your children back.

@Mumoblue

He’s a 42 year old who lived with his mum and sneak-moved into your house while telling you to not bother with contraception.

Run. 🚩

This in spades. You know what to do, but don't blame you for seeking reassurance.

He’s got his security nicely lined up now love, have the termination and move him back out. Sooner than later.

He has manipulated you and engineered this whole situation! He told you he can’t have children but here you are pregnant. He knows your house is paid for so you are equity rich and has already asked you to sell and buy somewhere bigger. He has moved himself in without even asking and although earns 3 times what you do hasn’t offered to contribute to the running of the house! He sounds completely awful.

Ask him to leave, immediately.

Get an abortion.

Enjoy your life with your 2 children and proceed with caution in your next relationship.

Be strong and good luck.

Id have an abortion and then leave him

also pretty sure he probably lied to get you pregnant. He knows his time is ticking and he is hoping you being pregnant or having his child will give him a home

Have the abortion and get rid of the boyfriend.

He should never have moved in so early (and you shouldn’t have let him), but you don’t need to tie yourself to him for the next 18 years.

Have an abortion and change the locks

Think about what's best for your daughters, and that is not having another baby, especially with a man like this. Have a termination as soon as possible and kick this man out today.

Similar happened to me (only there were no red flags). I am now on my own with two teens and a preschooler. Please please have the abortion if that’s what you feel you should do. It was something I wouldn’t even consider at the time but massively regret it now. ExDP held back serious info which would have made us incompatible from the start has I known. I have ruined my life.

Get this man out of your life

There are so many red flags for concern here: him manipulating you into moving him in, the lack of paying his way for months, coercing you into not having contraception

Book yourself a termination appointment TODAY if that's what you want, you need to put yourself and your daughters first

GET him OUT asap.

This partnership is so new please have a think about why you've allowed this man to dominate your life in such a short space of time, and protect yourself and your girls from having him further dominate it

he sounds awful, not someone to tie yourself to forever by having a child with him.

He also mentioned in past suggesting I could sell my house and used all the proceeds to buy a new house together

So many red flags.
Have an abortion and kick him out.

You allowed a man you had known for 1 month, to move into your home, with your daughters!!!

My god.

Dump him, have an abortion and make wiser choices. If not for yourself, do it for your kids.

Can't imagine how they feel having a man they don't know suddenly in their safe space.

Honestly just have the abortion and ask him to leave.
Get on with your life.

I'd separate the termination decision from the relationship. Regarding the relationship, he stealth moved in, didn't contribute until asked and wants you to sell your house...

In your next relationship, perhaps best don't believe someone who asserts they are infertile without a trip to the GP first. He could lie, he could be dim, his ex could have been infertile or on covert contraception or been (un)lucky.

Good luck.

Lots of red flags here.
Honestly, I would say it isn't working out and you need him to leave.
You don't need to tell him anything further.
I am really sorry,he sounds pretty manipulative.

Have you done an STD check? You just believe everything he says?

Crikey woman, get some health-respect, self-respect and self-esteem.

Stop being a doormat. No one is lonely enough to put up with this sort of creepy behaviour. He gets everything he wants and you get what? Another baby you don't want? Sounds like a bum deal to me.

I'd be certainly having an abortion, not telling him and telling him to pack his bags this week get out this weekend and you need space to reconsider everything.

What a loser. Your poor daughters as well. What the hell are you doing moving him in so soon. Have you no feelings for them?

I find women like you who just move partners in with young daughters abhorrent. Now they can't wonder around naked anymore, come to your bed for a cuddle in the mornings, have their Mum all to themselves. It's only a few years of being along to allow them to grow up a bit and feel you're always there for you.

So many women putting their sex lives and happiness first without ever considering the upheaval they put their children through.

Claim your house back and your life back and your daughters' stability and happiness back.

And stop being so lonely and lacking self-esteem and self-respect to settle for any low-level pond life like this piece of work you've allowed to creep under your feet.

Out!

Hello @AmyJahabee - we're going to move your thread over to Relationships now. Best of luck with everything.

Have an abortion, end the relationship. This man is a parasite.

@User112

Abortion is your personal choice. But in future please think properly and be reasonably sure before introducing people to your daughters.

This.

I would book a termination, change the locks, block him on my phone, and be more careful in future.

He moved into your house against your wishes, refused to leave, lied to get you pregnant...he is trapping you. This is your last chance to kick free.