My boyfriend moved in too early and now I’m pregnant

[AmyJahabee]

Hi All,

I need your advice!

I am 37 and currently have 2 daughters from previous relationships, boyfriend is 42 no kids.

I met my boyfriend in October 2021 it was nice at beginning. He lives at his mum when I met him. But just after a month he slowly moved himself in my house. I have never been happy with this as I thought it too soon at the start I suggested seeing each other 3 times a week and he will say what do need the time for, I felt pressured and guilty that I love him less just cause I need space for little.
My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him.

When I meet him he said he can’t have kids and been married for 10years and never manage to get his ex pregnant so I shouldn’t worry about contraception. I was totally shocked when I found out I was pregnant and I really hate been pregnant and want an abortion now. Don’t know what to know.

I want the abortion as I feel the relationship is too soon to handle this and currently we are constantly arguing, he doesn’t want to go out with us anywhere really apart stay at home which I’m finding really boring.

I think overall I feel him moving him is a big mistake and I just hate it.

Please help what should I do.

Have an abortion?

I know if I do abortion he will leave me but I’m tired of feeling he will leave if I do things he doesn’t like.
As him to leave the house ?
I have mentioned saying it too soon moving in and I’m overwhelmed and he says I don’t want the relationship. I want the relationship but just didn’t have any time to decide about living together.

Hun, you need to do what's right for you on the pregnancy front, as for the relationship, please get out asap. This guy is not nice. Everything you've said here just rings alarm bells and red flags everywhere. The moving himself in, suggesting you sell your home to then buy somewhere together (he'd then likely sell it from under you and do a runner)

Using the odd bit of DIY he's done as a way to control you, it's not right hun. He's manipulating you, making you feel uncomfortable, it's emotional abuse. And it won't be the first time he's treated someone this way.

Please, keep you and your children safe. This is not a relationship you want to stay in. No one should make you feel how you've been feeling, people that love you don't treat you this way, you deserve better. Stay safe and do what's right for you and your kids x

No need for shame OP, you've seen the light! He will likely be hoping you are devastated, and will be grateful and agree to everything if he comes back. Sod that. He would have to prove himself over a Very long time of dating, from different homes, before I could trust he wasn't just after my house. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your DC, 💐

I'm sorry but you sound really naive for 37 and a complete and utter walk over. If you want an abortion, get one, don't let him toe you down to him for the rest of your life. The best thing you can do is cut yourself off from this man. Grow a backbone and kick him out your home, sorry but sometimes you can't beat around the bush. Sorry to be harsh, but harsh is needed here

For the love of God, change the locks, bin him and have your termination. He’s a bad un.

@AmyJahabee I know some of these posts have been blunt, but please. Please listen.

He has shown you who he is. Everything is about him, about what he wants.

He has used your kind nature and his emotional manipulation , to force himself to live in YOUR home, dictate the terms and lied about his fertility.

He is not a nice man and has effectively stolen from YOUR children.

Please change the locks, pack up his things and block his number.

In regards to the pregnancy, keep this to yourself and make a decision in what you want to do.

I would also do the freedom programme.

This is good news. Let him go. Then tell him not to come back. Change the locks as soon as you can. Tell people in real life what's happened and be prepared to call the police if he tries to get back in and won't take no for an answer.

Okay OP.

Bag up his shit.
Put it on the lawn.
Block and delete him.
Send him back to his mum.
Get abortion.

He is a massive cocklodger who was looking to get out of his mum’s house and he clearly lied about his fertility or didn’t GAF.

After you have binned off the scrote, go to Reddit and look for “Female Dating Strategy”. They have a podcast as well and give very good advice on screening out turds like this dude and learning how to value yourself so much that you will never stoop to dating a 42 year old living with his mum ever again.

For a those saying he lied to get the OP pregnant, what he actually said is he'd never got his ex pregnant. Why he, or the OP decided that meant they didnt need contraception, fuck knows. It takes two to make a baby, maybe the problem was with his ex.

Oh dear, OP, you need to boot him out and change the locks, he's controlling and a liar, and it will only get worse. You can do so much better.

Agree with everyone else - he thinks by withdrawing he is punishing you for something, snd will get you back in line. Screw that, wait till he's gone, get the locks changed then say "actually I don't think this relationship is working" and either put his stuff on the pavement for him to collect or courier it to his mums.

Don't let him back in and fgs don't let random men you don't know overpower your reason like this again. You can't be this lonely.

You have nothing to be ashamed of OP. Well done for taking back control. I’d echo the others to get a locksmith out ASAP while he’s gone, bundle his stuff up in a black bag and leave it outside the front door for him to collect. Do not let him back in.

@AllOfUsAreDead

You trusted a man you've known for a very short time that he couldn't have kids? Just accepted that?

You've got yourself into this mess by not speaking up and being far too trusting. Really he's trying to trap you, that's why he lied about being infertile. If you don't want the child, have an abortion and kick him out. He's not a nice man, he's very controlling. I'd recommend you get counselling too afterwards to work out why you think these kind of men are decent.

This.

Where is your backbone.

No you can’t move in.
It’s too soon.
Myself and my kids need our own time.
I don’t know you.
I don’t want a baby right now - why you believe him god only knows… bloody hell.

Abortion change the locks and get some counselling you gave no boundaries to this man,

You sense he's not right for you, and neither is a baby. He seems to have "cookoo-ed" you.
You don't need a man to survive, you were doing really well before.
You know the answers
X good luck x

Sounds manipulative! Have an abortion before you end up tired to him by a child that you don’t really want. He’s manipulative and he lies. If you still want the relationship, ( I can’t see why) then explain to him that he needs to move out and you both need to take things at a pace that suits you. Is he okay with your kids?

@Sisisimone

I would let him head off then message later saying you agree it’s not a good situation and you don’t want him to move back in Definitely this I'd be changing my locks as well

Ditto, and raise your bar.

It really doesn’t sound like a good idea to have a child together. If you don’t want to proceed with this unplanned (and frankly manipulative) pregnancy, proceed with your plans for an abortion. And tell him to leave! He has no right to have moved himself into your home. I have two DDs from my previous marriage. I have remarried and we don’t actually live together yet. We’re not sure if we ever will! That’s a really big step for DDs. We have a dynamic as a threesome and as much as we love DH, his presence changes that and as yet we’re not ready for it to be made permanent. He totally respects that and there is and never has been any pressure to change our living situation.

Definitely have an abortion and then tell him to move out.

It’s not normal to tell someone you love them let alone move in with them after only one month - and it’s definitely not normal to feel guilty about having boundaries especially after only being together for such a short amount of time. I hope your kids don’t live with you.

Yessss!!!! Let him gooo. Change your locks, delete and block his number, and forget about him, ofcourse see the doctors about the abortion.

Love on your babies and yourself, you will be just fine in the end of it all.

OP if you haven't told him about the pregnancy are you confident that he's not looking at your posts/accessing your phone? Its a bit of a coincidence that he decided to leave the same day. Were you meant to tell him you are pregnant and ask him to come back?

This sounds like a really difficult situation. It’s not a good sign that he refused to give you space when you first brought it up. I think you would be wise to ask him to move out to give you some head space to think what you want to do about the pregnancy. Have a break from him and the pressure he is putting on you. He sounds very immature and that he has potentially lied to you about something very serious without caring about the consequences for you. You need physical space away from him to think clearly, I would suggest telling him you contact him after a week to talk. If you then decide in that time to have an abortion and that you don’t want to speak to him again, then you can also just tell him that.

He is manipulating you, using you, lying to you.

Be strong and do whatever is the best for you; not him.

You are being very naive.

Good. If he goes to his mummy’s use the opportunity to pack up the rest of his shit and tell him to collect it when he gives you back your keys.

Whatever you decide happens with the pregnancy, end the relationship with this man now.

Guess we'll never know - OP has vanished.