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Original poster

My boyfriend moved in too early and now I’m pregnant

274 replies

AmyJahabee · 25/03/2022 09:52

Hi All,

I need your advice!

I am 37 and currently have 2 daughters from previous relationships, boyfriend is 42 no kids.

I met my boyfriend in October 2021 it was nice at beginning. He lives at his mum when I met him. But just after a month he slowly moved himself in my house. I have never been happy with this as I thought it too soon at the start I suggested seeing each other 3 times a week and he will say what do need the time for, I felt pressured and guilty that I love him less just cause I need space for little.
My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him.

When I meet him he said he can’t have kids and been married for 10years and never manage to get his ex pregnant so I shouldn’t worry about contraception. I was totally shocked when I found out I was pregnant and I really hate been pregnant and want an abortion now. Don’t know what to know.

I want the abortion as I feel the relationship is too soon to handle this and currently we are constantly arguing, he doesn’t want to go out with us anywhere really apart stay at home which I’m finding really boring.

I think overall I feel him moving him is a big mistake and I just hate it.

Please help what should I do.

Have an abortion?

I know if I do abortion he will leave me but I’m tired of feeling he will leave if I do things he doesn’t like.
As him to leave the house ?
I have mentioned saying it too soon moving in and I’m overwhelmed and he says I don’t want the relationship. I want the relationship but just didn’t have any time to decide about living together.

OP posts:
Norwolf · 25/03/2022 11:47

Have an abortion, and TELL him to leave YOUR house. Do not walk on egg shells with this idiot, set your boundaries and don’t fall for his guilt tripping bullshit.

TheCatterall · 25/03/2022 11:50

What you have is a cock lodger.

I’m sorry you’ve become pregnant to someone whom mislead you about his fertility. But seeing as he’s happily moved in and not offered rent etc without discussing it and happy to emotionally blackmail you about a few jobs he’s done to the home he lived in rent free pretty much from oct to feb then I’d say have the abortion and dump him.

He’s using you. He’s manipulating you. He’s not going to get better.

He can easily go back to his mothers.

BeardyButton · 25/03/2022 11:51

OP you are in a mess. The decisions you make now could impact the rest of your life. And…. What’s worse, the kids lives.

I am NOT going to advise on the abortion. That is a deeply personal choice. You know best in this.

But! Get rid of this man. He has shown himself to be deceitful and manipulative. Most importantly- do not trust him enough to live with your two girls. You DO NOT know him. And what you do know of him is not good. Protect your children from this.

CaveMum · 25/03/2022 11:53

You need to get an abortion booked.
Then you need to pack his stuff up and change the locks at your house before dumping him.

Once this is all over with you need to work on your self esteem, you’ve allowed a stranger to move into your house with your children after a very short amount of time. He’s more than likely your common or garden wanker, but he could also potentially be something a whole lot scarier and that could have serious repercussions for you and your children.

incognitoforthisone · 25/03/2022 11:56

My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him.

Firstly, he lives in your house, so of course you are not 'using' him by asking him to do a bit of bloody DIY.

Secondly, he's gaslighting you by saying that.

Thirdly, who gives a shit what he thinks? You don't need his approval to end the relationship. 'I don't want to be with you and this relationship isn't working for me' is literally all the reason you need. He doesn't have to validate your rationale for dumping him.

Get rid.

jytdtysrht · 25/03/2022 11:58

Get the abortion
Get him out
Live happily with your kids

If you haven’t told him about the pregnancy then don’t. He’s likely lied to avoid using contraception and to get his feet under your table by tying you together forever with a baby.

2DogsOnMySofa · 25/03/2022 11:58

He's using you

He's a cocklodger

He got you pregnant on purpose to trap you

Have a termination and kick him out

Pebbledashery · 25/03/2022 11:59

So he's basically King of the Castle now.
Get rid of him and follow what your gut is telling you about the baby if this is what you want.
You owe him nothing.

Justilou1 · 25/03/2022 12:01

Oh honey you need to get this abortion sorted, get rid of the parasitic, gaslighting male and do the freedom program.

GrowingUpIsATrap · 25/03/2022 12:01

Hi, he sounds very controlling and manipulative. You are saying he won't allow you to have time to yourself, and he is trying to emotionally blackmail you into staying with him (by accusing you of using him by him doing jobs for you), you already feel like he may leave if you don't do what he wants, and you are arguing a lot. None of us can tell you whether an abortion is the right choice for you, but i think its fair to say this man is not a good choice to be in a relationship with. Please end this relationship, its not healthy for you and the longer you are with him the longer he will erode your self esteem and ability to make choices.

Moving forward, please try and keep new relationships away from your children until you know it is going to be a long-term thing. Your children's safety has to be a priority and this man is still really a stranger, you can't know someone well in 5 months. Its also not fair on them to start forming bonds with people who may not be around for the long term. No matter how great or nice someone seems, you need to protect yourself and your kids. If someone puts pressure on you to move too quickly, take it as a massive sign that they're not right for you.

I don't think i would want to have a child in your situation, but no one can make such a big decision for you. I would entirely support your right to choose the right thing for you.

Bananalanacake · 25/03/2022 12:03

Can you get some burly male friends or relatives to be with you when you tell him to leave.

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 25/03/2022 12:03

@AmyJahabee

Yes he contributed a third to bill. And my house is fully paid for.He basically earns 3 times more than me. He only start contributing in early February when I have to ask him I thought as he moved in himself he would’ve offered so was been polite and waiting.

He also mentioned in past suggesting I could sell my house and used all the proceeds to buy a new house together. I said no as I want to keep this but will be happy to pay my share of deposit for new house.

You would be nuts if you sell your house. He wants his name on a new house that he hasn't paid anything towards.
deeplyambivalent · 25/03/2022 12:03

Be strong and trust your instincts, @AmyJahabee. In the short term it may be difficult, but for your sake and your daughters' sake, please get yourself out of this situation while there is still time.

HMBB · 25/03/2022 12:06

I am sorry but this all sounds wrong.

6 months is too soon IMO.

Have the abortion.
Hope he goes.
Never trust others with contraception/ your sexual health again.
Put firm boundaries in place next time to protect t yourself and you children.

Good luck, you will be fine.

saturdayhelicopter · 25/03/2022 12:07

You need to sack him, like, yesterday.

  • lied about need for contraception

  • belittled your doubts about moving in together

  • sounds generally emotionally incompetent.

More red flags than a Labour Party conference. Get the GP booked unless you feel happy, genuinely happy, to be tied to this moron for the next 19 years.

LaraDeSalle · 25/03/2022 12:09

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TheBigDilemma · 25/03/2022 12:09

You don’t need to tell him you are pregnant, neither do you have to tell him you are having an abortion.

With the things as they are, sometimes you make decisions with your head even if your heart is broken for a while. He is not good for you, chuck him out, what you are seeing now is the end of the honey moon period and the start of the real him.

Mulhollandmagoo · 25/03/2022 12:10

Does he know you're pregnant? if not, just tell him its over and he needs to leave and sneak off for an abortion

If he does, have an abortion as planned and tell him to go, and that you're not happy he lied to you that he couldn't have children. He will become impossible should you continue this pregnancy and have his child.

Lots of love OP, this must be really tough for you, do you have any real life support? Flowers

Echobelly · 25/03/2022 12:11

It sounds to me like if you have a baby with this man, he will have you selling your house and buying one with him, with you being unsure and uncomfortable all along. Please don't let it come to that.

Booboobibles · 25/03/2022 12:11

He’s trying to get his hands on half your house.

You know what you need to be doing but you seem to be needing your own judgement to be validated.

Your judgement is spot on so have more faith in yourself! You’ve been a little bit soft allowing him to move and trusting him…..we all do silly things but the important thing is that you’ve caught this situation early and you can get yourself out of it. Have the abortion and get this vile, controlling man out of your house. He currently has no power over you…do not give him any.

I have a feeling he won’t leave easily. Remember you have all the power here….use it and you’ll be so proud of yourself.

Pipsquiggle · 25/03/2022 12:14

Sounds like a shit show.

Book a termination ASAP - obviously your choice but sounds like you have already thought that one through.
Ask him to leave.
If he does not do as you ask. When he is out, pack up his stuff, put it outside/at his mum's and get the locks changed.
If you know any burly men, you can ask if they will come round to support you.

iRun2eatCake · 25/03/2022 12:15

@AmyJahabee

Yes he contributed a third to bill. And my house is fully paid for.He basically earns 3 times more than me. He only start contributing in early February when I have to ask him I thought as he moved in himself he would’ve offered so was been polite and waiting.

He also mentioned in past suggesting I could sell my house and used all the proceeds to buy a new house together. I said no as I want to keep this but will be happy to pay my share of deposit for new house.

Good grief. You need to slow down!!!

Terminate and ask him to move out. If he really wants a relationship with you and not just a shag and somewhere to live..... the relationship will continue living separately.

Do NOT tell him you're pregnant.

You really need to start taking control of your life as you have other DC who are being affected by your decisions

nearlyspringyay · 25/03/2022 12:16

You met him in October and he now lives with you and presumably your daughters?

Get an abortion if that's what you want to do. Either way though get rid of him.

jay55 · 25/03/2022 12:20

Book an abortion and a locksmith.

shssandhr · 25/03/2022 12:20

This is a cocklodger.
He moved himself him after a very short period of time and then contributed nothing. Then he starts planning how to spend your money - ie. sell your house and use the money to buy a joint house which he will own half of and you have contributed the most money towards? Was there some kind of issue living with his Mum? ie. Mum wanted him out. This is often the case when a "hobosexual" moves himself in quickly with a woman - there's been some kind of accommodation "emergency" and he has no where to live or an eviction is imminent.

He lied about not being able to get his wife pregnant so you wouldn't need to use contraception. Utter bullshit. Even if his wife didn't get pregnant you should have been thinking that perhaps she was the one with the fertility difficulties rather than him. His plan was to get you pregnant to make you dependent on him thereby securing the future of the relationship income stream.

You can undo all of this mess right now by kicking him out. Just get rid of him. He goes now.
And when you have done that make an appointment to discuss having an abortion if that is what you want to do.

And to avoid any future disasters - any bloke moving themself in or trying to after a very short period of time is dodgy as fuck.
Any bloke saying they won't be able to get you pregnant so no protection needed is lying. You are responsible for your own contraception. And frankly he should be wearing a condom as well as you being on the pill to protect against STDs.
No condom. No sex. End of.
In a longer term committed relationship the use of condoms can then be discussed but not with some random person like this you barely know.

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