My boyfriend moved in too early and now I’m pregnant

[AmyJahabee]

Hi All,

I need your advice!

I am 37 and currently have 2 daughters from previous relationships, boyfriend is 42 no kids.

I met my boyfriend in October 2021 it was nice at beginning. He lives at his mum when I met him. But just after a month he slowly moved himself in my house. I have never been happy with this as I thought it too soon at the start I suggested seeing each other 3 times a week and he will say what do need the time for, I felt pressured and guilty that I love him less just cause I need space for little.
My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him.

When I meet him he said he can’t have kids and been married for 10years and never manage to get his ex pregnant so I shouldn’t worry about contraception. I was totally shocked when I found out I was pregnant and I really hate been pregnant and want an abortion now. Don’t know what to know.

I want the abortion as I feel the relationship is too soon to handle this and currently we are constantly arguing, he doesn’t want to go out with us anywhere really apart stay at home which I’m finding really boring.

I think overall I feel him moving him is a big mistake and I just hate it.

Please help what should I do.

Have an abortion?

I know if I do abortion he will leave me but I’m tired of feeling he will leave if I do things he doesn’t like.
As him to leave the house ?
I have mentioned saying it too soon moving in and I’m overwhelmed and he says I don’t want the relationship. I want the relationship but just didn’t have any time to decide about living together.

1. Have an abortion, if that's what you want;
2. Get this lying, manipulative arsehole out of your house and out of your life.

He was living at home with his mother when he met you and probably expected her to pay for his food and the extra bills their. He saw you as his main chance to move out of his mother's. The fact that you also own your home made him think you sell this and use your funds to buy the expensive house he wants.
Then he told you his ex wife could not get pregnant so if you got pregnant he made sure he could stick around living in your house or the house you pay for.

You need to get him out of your house and have an abortion. If you don't do this you just going to end up in a worse position and long term your going to make life harder for you and your daughter's.

I tell him it not working out, that it is over and you want him to move out. Have a male friend their when you tell him this. You and your male friend can watch him pack and leave the place. Get the locks changed on the door once he leaves and tell him if he rings or calls you will contact the police.
Don't tell him your pregnant as this is what he wants. If you do this I go away for a few days, get an abortion and have your daughters minded elsewhere.

Move him out then decide about the baby as a separate issue.

Good luck.

You want an abortion, so that’s it. You have the abortion.

And kick him out anyway. He’s lied to you about being infertile, you realise that don’t you?

And in future don’t introduce a new partner into your home and to your children so quickly.

Nothing much to add here, but you sound very vulnerable and naive, and too trusting. You could have stopped him moving in but you didn't. You need to learn to raise your boundaries and be more discerning with men as well.

He saw how vulnerable you were and took advantage.

Ditto the advice to get rid of both the pregnancy and your "boyfriend".

Abortion - don’t tell him either! Then get rid he sounds awful!

Yes, I'd have the termination and boot him out too.
It's the only sane way forward, in all honesty.
Otherwise your life will never be your own again - he'll always be in it, pressuring you.

Have a termination and get rid of this man.

How old are your children? What happened with your children’s fathers? Sounds like child number 1 has had parents break up, mum meets someone new, mum is pregnant, that relationship breaks down, mum meets someone new, mum is pregnant…
That’s a lot for your children to cope with!

@Rinatinabina

He basically moved into your house without actually asking you, lied about need for contraception (you should have ignored this and taken care of yourself regardless) is emotionally manipulative.

If you want the abortion have one and chuck him out,

This.

WTF is wrong with you? WHY did you move a stranger into your childrens home? And now, 5 minutes later you're pregnant?
Your poor girls.

If I were you, I'd have the termination and I'd kick his arse to the kerb. My (existing) children come first. Yours should too.

Do not tell him you are pregnant. He's tricked you and does not deserve to be told. If you tell him, he will wear you down and you'll end up keeping it. Get the abortion and get rid of this abusive man. Raise your standards next time, you deserve better than this, and so do your children.

My boyfriend has helped me with few jobs on the jobs in the house as he’s handy, and every argument he will use it and say I have used him now I’m dumping him.

In every argument- so there have been a few already when you should still be in the honeymoon phase? It’s not going to work OP. Have the abortion and get rid of him.

Get rid of him. Have an abortion.

You'll be far better off without him. He is bad news xxx

You've been targeted love. Dump him and terminate your pregnancy.

He’s certainly moved in far too soon Op! Sorry to say love but he sounds like a user to me! Have an abortion and get rid

This a horrible situation for you. I know you can see how how you got here, but that’s always easy retrospect.

You tried to set boundaries that made you comfortable and he didn’t respect them. Sure, you could have been firmer about them but he also could have been less manipulative. You know what you want, and what the right thing to do for yourself is, and you should feel completely comfortable going forward with it. It’s entirely reasonable not to want to be pregnant and to have an abortion. It’s entirely reasonable to want time to yourself, it’s doesn’t matter what for. Its totally ok to put what want first, and then your children, then any other adult relationships. If he can’t accept that (and it truly sounds like he can’t) you don’t need him in your life. It’s not necessarily a red flag, it can be managed if want to be responsible for moulding him into an adult that can respect another adults boundaries, but it’s hard work and you already have to two kids. I’d change the locks, have the abortion and find yourself another adult to have a relationship with if that’s what want out of life.

I wouldn’t even tell him about the pregnancy. If contraception wasn’t his problem, then neither is the pregnancy. And even if it had been, it’s your body and your life. And your house. He has no rights here, no matter how much diy he chose to do. If he has designs on a house, he can buy one, not try and muscle in on yours without paying for it. It’s perfectly acceptable to enjoy a relationship and not progress to cohabiting, and if he doesn’t want that, he’s free to go and find someone who does. If he thinks you used him, he’s free to think so. Let him be wrong.

Have the termination of that’s what you want
Then Dickhead will leave (he won’t)

I think you really need to put your children at the forefront of your decisions from now on

It really sounds like you were targetted. You are a catch! A lovely home fully paid for that he thinks you will sell up to provide HIM with a home!

Now that you are pregnant I bet he thinks like he has you trapped. I would put my existing children first, have an abortion, kick this man out and then work on how it happened.

Get the abortion. Your body, your choice. He LIED to you about being infertile, moved in without asking (and you just let him?!). Doesnt want to go anywhere - does he mind if you go somewhere fun without him? (Let me guess hed rather you BOTH stayed home).

Abortion
Tell him he needs to move back to his mums
Reflect on your need to have healthy boundaries in a relationship.
Focus on just you and your girls for a while.

Op, I’m older than you but….I saw someone for two years. He’d had a mortgage with his ex. Basically ended up having to sell it and ended up renting. I only heard his side of the story but he was hopeless with money, gambled , and bought loads of stuff.

Anyway I have my own house, bought outright. He was desperate to move in, kept saying I could buy what I wanted.

Dumped him. He wasn’t moving into mine thanks. You soon see through them you know.

Take a deep breath. Ring whoever you’re close to. Have a cry, a sob, a scream, chocolate etc whatever you need.

Deciding you don’t wish to be a Mother or continue with an unwanted pregnancy is not a selfish choice nor does it make you a bad person. You are important and your wants and needs take priority over a cluster of cells. If it is what you want, take a look at this website www.nupas.co.uk/clinics/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw0PWRBhDKARIsAPKHFGg0-Y-vmLB9H4T14hFryx4z-k51Zj8h2pkQwUHiX7RRjKt54QzGxoYaAjRGEALw_wcB I speak from experience, they are wonderful. Empathic, discreet, professional and efficient. It is not frightening nor invasive. Everything is confidential.

Tell him or don’t, entirely your choice. End the relationship and realise your worth. You deserve endlessly better than this little troll.

I think you need to deal with him first and foremost ie packing him back off to Mummy.

Then deal with the baby.

You've got choices here, and they are yours to make..... not his.

Good grief. You need to press the eject button on this whole shit show.
Aren't your friends shaking you and begging you to open your eyes!?