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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband walked out tonight

687 replies

Username2101 · 21/03/2022 23:23

In the past few weeks my steady reliable husband has changed drastically. He went on a works party and basically came back a different person, he's become extremely focused about his weight. He's going out every weekend with "friends" he's never mentioned before, he's coming home later and later from work and making excuses to get out of the house.

I confronted him tonight and asked him very bluntly wtf is going on, I mean all this basically screams other woman. He started going on about him wanting to spend time with his friends and that he's the ONLY person in the whole wide world who has to ask for permission. (He doesn't)

I told him if he wanted his freedom so badly he can pack his bags, piss off and have it permanently. He walked out and went to stay with his friend, the friend who has regular parties with all the local 18 year old girls who think that a 45 year old man with a big house and a swimming pool is exciting.

Now I'm panicking, what on earth do I tell the children in the morning about where their daddy has gone, I have 2 months left of my degree and I'm at bloody placement until May. How am I meant to advise people about their lives when mine is a disaster.

OP posts:
BloodyNora79 · 12/04/2022 17:18

OP, be careful what you wish for. He will come back soon enough claiming mental health issues or some other random excuse and beg you back.
If it’s anything like my situation, they are much easier to fight when they aren’t vulnerable and you hate them - try and keep this status up.
The only way to speed the process up is to send divorce papers. I promise you he’ll want his comfy life back when he sees you moving on without him and taking the control…

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 12/04/2022 19:18

Please get some legal advice sharpish whatever happens and whether you get a divorce or not.

Notsomellownow · 13/04/2022 08:01

Just checked in to see how things were going and you only went and aced an interview and got a new job. During one of the most stressful periods of your life I might add! Seriously amazing 👏 Go you!!! Hope things are going OK. Stay strong 💪 ✨

sophienelisse · 14/04/2022 20:55

Op well done go you.

He might seem like he is skipping through life.

I would bet my months wages he ask to come home soon when he realised what he's given up.

Fuck him.

Username2101 · 15/04/2022 10:16

So I had a lovely message this morning. It was from the partner of the woman he has been shagging all along. It's been going on for a long time apparently.

A 22 year old girl from where he works.

22 I mean for fucks sake.

OP posts:
JessCat75 · 15/04/2022 10:27

I'm sorry you are going through this OP, 22 years old, what a cliché, this man is a selfish twat of the highest order, I hope he steps on Lego in his bare feet every morning for the rest of his life. I know you can't see it now but you will get through this and find someone who deserves you, not this prick.

iRun2eatCake · 15/04/2022 10:30

At least you now know why he is being such a twat.

22yrs... like that's going to last!!! Is he likely to get disciplined at work as some employment have policies in place about relationships....

But...

Now you know... continue moving forwards with the divorce.

He is a complete looser

heartofgrass · 15/04/2022 10:33

Well the truth always comes out in the end.
What a twat

Username2101 · 15/04/2022 10:43

All the lies he's told me over the past few weeks, I'm honestly shocked.
Going out with the lads was code for shagging his little girlfriend.

My 10year old DD messaged him and asked why. He told her "I really like this girl"

To his 10 year old daughter!!

Absolute cunt of the highest order.

OP posts:
Grrrpredictivetex · 15/04/2022 10:48

@Username2101 use that anger and if you haven't already get a SHL and take him down a peg or two. Hugs to you and your children.

JessCat75 · 15/04/2022 10:50

@Username2101

All the lies he's told me over the past few weeks, I'm honestly shocked. Going out with the lads was code for shagging his little girlfriend.

My 10year old DD messaged him and asked why. He told her "I really like this girl"

To his 10 year old daughter!!

Absolute cunt of the highest order.

"I really like this girl"" oh well that's alright then isn't it, ffs what a knob, when reality sets in for both of them it will be over and he'll probably come crawling back, don't let him OP, you're worth more than this self-centred cheating scumbag,
Glindaswand · 15/04/2022 11:51

Ewwwww she’ll get sick of seeing him in his saggy grundies once the novelty wears off. Was he her boss too - double ewww points.

bare · 15/04/2022 11:56

That's actually quite shocking. Im really sorry you had to find out like that, not that there is a good way to find out.

Well I would crack on with the divorce, make sure he's maintaining contact time (if your children want to go) and strike on assets while the iron is hot Thanks

OhThatChicken · 15/04/2022 11:58

I'm so sorry OP. Now is the time to feel your rage. But also just be gentle on yourself, this is a massive shock and horrible.

Her boss. Classy.

cantbelieveheletmedown · 15/04/2022 12:02

What an absolute arse and she's disgusting. It won't last amd he'll have lost everything

Hala9 · 15/04/2022 12:07

@Username2101

So I had a lovely message this morning. It was from the partner of the woman he has been shagging all along. It's been going on for a long time apparently.

A 22 year old girl from where he works.

22 I mean for fucks sake.

Oh!

Despicable man. At the very least own your love for someone else. Don't tell more lies.

I remember saying to my ExDH about his OW - 'at least tell me she is the love of your life, we are all entitled to that and clearly I'm not that person, don't put me through the worst time ever for some fling'.

Now you can be angry.

Username2101 · 15/04/2022 13:11

Yup he's her boss, just gave her a promotion apparently. So I'm sure she's been suitably greatful, the kids don't want to go anywhere near him at the moment. I'm going to respect that for now because we all need space away from him.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 15/04/2022 13:27

Well that sounds all above board and not nepotism doesn’t it?

alsonotmyname · 15/04/2022 14:13

Wow he really is disgusting- a girl just a handful of years older than his daughter, I can't imagine being attracted to my ds's friends (20) they're barely out of childhood.
You and your girls will be absolutely fine without him Thanks

MollyButton · 15/04/2022 14:48

Please get legal advice (look for a resolution lawyer), you can pay for them out of the settlement. Mediation is a good route if it works for you. And don't forget his pensions when dealing with the settlement.
Divorce is now no fault, but try to get yourself set up before he has a second family.

Buildingthefuture · 15/04/2022 16:49

I’m so sorry op, that is fucking grim. Get the best, most scary SHL you can and take back your control. It won’t last with whatsherface and the sad Wanker will be back begging. At which point laugh hysterically and hope the door hits him up the arse on his way out. He’s a sad, cliched tosser and you and your DC deserve so much more!

Bonbon21 · 15/04/2022 20:46

It's sad, isn't it... pathetic little man.. she will wake one day and go yeuch!
Keep your dignity, look after yourself and your kids.
Get everything you can financially, move on and have a great life!
Show him what he threw away!
.....and smile.
X

Annonymiss123 · 16/04/2022 00:37

@Username2101

All the lies he's told me over the past few weeks, I'm honestly shocked. Going out with the lads was code for shagging his little girlfriend.

My 10year old DD messaged him and asked why. He told her "I really like this girl"

To his 10 year old daughter!!

Absolute cunt of the highest order.

So she’s 12 years older than his daughter? Nice! 🙄
VouisLuitton · 16/04/2022 08:11

@Annonymiss123
They have a 17 year old daughter too.... so only 5 years younger than her

Teacupsandtoast · 16/04/2022 08:37

OP....I'm so sorry....disgusting, horrible man

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