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Original poster

Husband walked out tonight

687 replies

Username2101 · 21/03/2022 23:23

In the past few weeks my steady reliable husband has changed drastically. He went on a works party and basically came back a different person, he's become extremely focused about his weight. He's going out every weekend with "friends" he's never mentioned before, he's coming home later and later from work and making excuses to get out of the house.

I confronted him tonight and asked him very bluntly wtf is going on, I mean all this basically screams other woman. He started going on about him wanting to spend time with his friends and that he's the ONLY person in the whole wide world who has to ask for permission. (He doesn't)

I told him if he wanted his freedom so badly he can pack his bags, piss off and have it permanently. He walked out and went to stay with his friend, the friend who has regular parties with all the local 18 year old girls who think that a 45 year old man with a big house and a swimming pool is exciting.

Now I'm panicking, what on earth do I tell the children in the morning about where their daddy has gone, I have 2 months left of my degree and I'm at bloody placement until May. How am I meant to advise people about their lives when mine is a disaster.

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 09/04/2022 16:47

' token middleaged creep'!!!
I love that! You've got this y'know... you are just great.. amazing example to your kids..
Keep going and be proud of yourself!!
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Original poster
Username2101 · 09/04/2022 16:59

I don't know what's going through his head anymore, there is just this incredibly selfish person that looks like my husband.

He ripped his family apart to be able to stay out late and go partying. But those are his regrets to have, I won't ever take him back now. I just replay the day he left over and over in my head, my childrens heartbroken sobs will stay with me forever.

OP posts:
dexterslockedintheshedagain · 09/04/2022 17:18

He is their boss, I think that makes it even worse somehow.

Yup! They'll take advantage of him being their 'mate' and when it gets to the point he has to put his boss pants on a deal with stuff, he's going to find it soooooooo hard.
But you won't care because you'll be living your life without him in it, having a grand time and he will indeed be the perv in the corner of the nightclub that all the girls tap onto to get free drinks, but never go home with. Because it would be like sleeping with their Dad......

iRun2eatCake · 09/04/2022 17:50

He admitted he is having a full blown kid-life crisis, he has lots of new friends all in their 20s that he feels he needs to keep up with.

OMG... I'm embarrassed for him!! What a complete twat!!

Mine started wearing ripped jeans.... in his mid 50s.... l nearly gave myself a hernia trying not to laugh.

Disclaimer: there is nothing wrong with anyone wearing rip jeans but XH hated them previously as said they were "chavy"

iRun2eatCake · 09/04/2022 17:53

Also... how is he going to go partying when he will be having the DC EOW?

Has that started yet? If not implement it asap

RobertsRadio · 09/04/2022 18:23

OMG, he is going to be the Oldest Swinger in Town 😆
aka Fred Wedlock - Oldest swinger in town TOTP 1981 (sorry can't seem do the YouTube link).

Original poster
Username2101 · 09/04/2022 18:24

@iRun2eatCake

Also... how is he going to go partying when he will be having the DC EOW?

Has that started yet? If not implement it asap

He is still living with his friend in the playboy mansion. He has them Wednesday and Friday evenings. Next week will be the first time he has them for the weekend.

I have been really firm about them not introducing the DDs to strangers and to be fair the kids enjoy themselves when they go.

I know 100% my girls would dob him in if anything happened that they didn't like.

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 09/04/2022 18:40

My exhusband did exactly the same 25 years ago. Make yourself and your children a lovely life Op. Your husband will indeed be the sad old man in the corner in a very short while. My exhusband is living alone in a tiny rented house in the grotty area where we bought our first home 30 odd years ago.He remarried but that has ended in another divorce. Our sons see him a couple of times a year. He is a recovering alcoholic whose mental health is very poor. The grass is never greener, its just more grass.

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/04/2022 18:47

Grim. I bet they will get tired of their dad hanging around frightening off the young girls.

doitwithlove · 09/04/2022 19:45

What an absolute plank of a man, I bet his 20yr old work colleagues laugh at being out with the oldest swinger in town🤣

Bloody amazes me how these cretins can throw away a happy family life. Kids are very resilient to change. They probably miss the routine of mum & dad being together but they will eventually see him for what he is.

My exh left a week before my son did his GCSE's - the boy did well, no thanks to his father. 12yrs on both the kids don't speak with their father, in there eyes his lies and none commitment was enough to make them see what he was like.

Keep being you @Username2101, from reading your updates you are worth one hundred percent of their father.

💐

iRun2eatCake · 09/04/2022 21:47

And are the weekends now set in a regular pattern or is he going to pick and choose?

Original poster
Username2101 · 09/04/2022 21:53

@iRun2eatCake

And are the weekends now set in a regular pattern or is he going to pick and choose?
It's a regular pattern set by me. He's feeling extremely guilty and is bending over backwards to "keep me happy" in his words.

I don't think he would ever abandon the kids, they adore him and he is or was a good dad.
Mind you I didn't think he would leave so you never know what's down the line.

The second he starts messing them around I will be unleashing every bit of rage I have stored up.

OP posts:
iRun2eatCake · 09/04/2022 21:58

Super!! Freedom! I felt so much better when l got alternate weekends to myself. I could see friends, catch up at home and discover me again

iRun2eatCake · 09/04/2022 22:02

The "keep me happy" comments can stop though Hmm arse.

It's about being a dad and doing right by them.

I have had comments about "how good" a father my XH is because he pays maintenance and has them EOW....... errrr.... no.... he is doing the bare minimum that l would expect from him.

So don't let him believe that he's doing you a favour.... and boost his ego even more he is doing what any parent should be doing

duckme · 09/04/2022 22:23

OP, I'm sorry you're going through this but couldn't read the thread and not respond to tell you how amazing you're doing.
You've got yourself a fab new job in the middle of dealing with all of this! You're Wonder Woman!

BOOTS52 · 09/04/2022 22:47

You are doing amazing and well done for your inner strength. He will regret what he has done and it will all come crashing down on him. Keep strong and do nice things for yourself and you have a lovely life ahead. Most men are crap feckers.

Mix56 · 10/04/2022 09:44

The vision if him trying to keep up with these younger kids, that bounce back in spite of only having had 3 hours sleep, should be buoying you up.
You are doing so well. Bravo

Original poster
Username2101 · 12/04/2022 11:50

I've been really struggling the last couple of days, the pain feels overwhelming sometimes.

He seems to be skipping through with a smile on his face, going out at weekends and enjoying himself.
Im stuck at home desperately trying to keep on top of everything, while pretending to be nice about him in front of the kids.

I hate him for doing this to me, is it horrible I want something bad to happen to him. At least then he might hurt as much as I am.

I was feeling much better and now it's like im stuck at square one.

OP posts:
Mix56 · 12/04/2022 14:44

I'm afraid it's inevitable that you will have waves of sorrow, days of pain & vague hope that he will see the error of his ways & all will be OK.
But so far, he is just carrying on being the middle aged Joke. & probably being generous & buying booze to impress the younger generation.

Is he "skipping" through the house ? making himself coffee & parking comfortably on the sofa?
He needs to keep out of the house, he has made his choice, you need to take away ALL the comfort away. He may realise what he is losing if he loses it.
Also can you check his spending? He still has responsibilities, even if he has absconded.

Original poster
Username2101 · 12/04/2022 14:53

@Mix56

I'm afraid it's inevitable that you will have waves of sorrow, days of pain & vague hope that he will see the error of his ways & all will be OK. But so far, he is just carrying on being the middle aged Joke. & probably being generous & buying booze to impress the younger generation.

Is he "skipping" through the house ? making himself coffee & parking comfortably on the sofa?
He needs to keep out of the house, he has made his choice, you need to take away ALL the comfort away. He may realise what he is losing if he loses it.
Also can you check his spending? He still has responsibilities, even if he has absconded.

He is living with his friend, from what I gather they stay up until the early hours of every morning drinking and playing games or going to the pub.
I have no way of checking his finances, apparently he's skint but still able to afford hotels, restaurants and nights out.

It feels like he's having this amazing new life and I'm stuck where I was.

OP posts:
CrowAndArrow · 12/04/2022 15:05

Know these feelings all too well OP. I used to get so jealous that he had so much free time, however, it's me who have bought the children up and me they come to when needed. Our bond is unbreakable and he eventually lost his DC forever (they got sick of coming second to the OW and her children as they grew).

You have the children and an amazing new start to life / career.

You won't feel like this forever.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 12/04/2022 15:35

He's having an amazing new life this month.
Maybe next month.
But I'm not sure about the month after that.

Right now his life is like the most flavoursome packet of crisps or the all-syrup slushie, but soon he's going to find is all style, no substance and then feel a bit twitchy and seedily out of sorts when it wears off.

Plus you know his children are never really going to forget this or really forgive him no matter how diplomatic you are - not a slur on you - its all on him.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 12/04/2022 15:43

You say his new life is hanging out with 20 year olds. Thing is, those 20 year olds are going to grow up, settle down and have families of their own eventually. And then he'll be the sad old bloke with no mates and no family, eating his ready meal Christmas dinner on his own in his bedsit. It's pathetic really.

bjrce · 12/04/2022 16:21

Be very care OP - as soon as you start divorce proceedings you are likely to see a very different version of him - if he is going through money as quickly as you say - his "keeping you happy" scenario will likely change.

Move whilst he is still in the guilty phase and enjoying his new found freedom - because it won't last!

goody2shooz · 12/04/2022 17:07

Agree with @bjrce - best to see a solicitor before his thin layer of guilt wears off. Knowing where you stand legally will make you feel more in control, and don’t feel you must sugar coat everything he does so as not to ‘bad mouth’ him for your dc, age appropriate honesty is better. This is your life, so don’t wait around for him to squander all the money, start to take back control and push your life in the direction that’s best for you and the dc.