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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband walked out tonight

687 replies

Username2101 · 21/03/2022 23:23

In the past few weeks my steady reliable husband has changed drastically. He went on a works party and basically came back a different person, he's become extremely focused about his weight. He's going out every weekend with "friends" he's never mentioned before, he's coming home later and later from work and making excuses to get out of the house.

I confronted him tonight and asked him very bluntly wtf is going on, I mean all this basically screams other woman. He started going on about him wanting to spend time with his friends and that he's the ONLY person in the whole wide world who has to ask for permission. (He doesn't)

I told him if he wanted his freedom so badly he can pack his bags, piss off and have it permanently. He walked out and went to stay with his friend, the friend who has regular parties with all the local 18 year old girls who think that a 45 year old man with a big house and a swimming pool is exciting.

Now I'm panicking, what on earth do I tell the children in the morning about where their daddy has gone, I have 2 months left of my degree and I'm at bloody placement until May. How am I meant to advise people about their lives when mine is a disaster.

OP posts:
liverpoolgal82 · 16/04/2022 08:55

Just started this thread and I knew that would be the reason as I was reading. When infatuation sets in for someone else the coldness sets in for partner/wife. That's why he can't understand the devastation he's caused because he is not feeling it - only euphoria at this new person but once that calms down (anything up to two years) he will regret and realise what he's done. He'll see how stupid he was and it'll all be too late. Now the 22year old has her promotion let's see if she stays interested.

Username2101 · 16/04/2022 08:58

The other injured party was telling me they had a wedding booked for February, so she is as devastated as I am.

Apparently the ow has form for this and has broken up a relationship at the last place she worked.

How the fuck could he leave his family for this, I actually hate him.

It's been going on since the works party I mentioned earlier, he took her home that night.

The thing that got to me the most is that when we were together I asked him to pick up a costume for the DDs book day at school. He sent this fucking girl to do it. He sent her to buy things for my children.

OP posts:
BluebellsareBlue · 16/04/2022 09:03

Oh my!! What an absolute shit of a man!! Stay angry, get even! Get your financial things sorted. It's of no comfort now but he's her plaything, and when she's bored it will come
Crashing down around him and he will realise what he has lost!! Daffodil

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/04/2022 09:13

Is the other injured party a woman?

goody2shooz · 16/04/2022 09:24

Hope you’ve got that appointment booked with a sh lawyer.

Username2101 · 16/04/2022 09:24

@Fluffycloudland77

Is the other injured party a woman?
Yes, they were in a same sex relationship.
OP posts:
JessCat75 · 16/04/2022 09:28

She is absolutely using him for that promotion, vile the pair of them.

Hala9 · 16/04/2022 09:32

@Username2101

The other injured party was telling me they had a wedding booked for February, so she is as devastated as I am.

Apparently the ow has form for this and has broken up a relationship at the last place she worked.

How the fuck could he leave his family for this, I actually hate him.

It's been going on since the works party I mentioned earlier, he took her home that night.

The thing that got to me the most is that when we were together I asked him to pick up a costume for the DDs book day at school. He sent this fucking girl to do it. He sent her to buy things for my children.

They stoop so low don't they? But with distance from him you will, see him for what he is. You will see him with an outsiders eyes.

My EH wasn't really sure who he wanted in the end. I firmly believe as long as he didn't end up alone, it didn't matter to him.
I made the decision for him when he asked to start again, if he could come back.
In the conversation about him coming back, I said 'so tell me, when was the last time you slept with OW?' - his response - ' owwwh, don't ask me that'.
I asked him, 'why was he sleeping with her if he wanted to start again with me' -

...his answer.... 'it was on offer'.

Yuk, just grubby, in that instance I knew he wasn't for me, it was over.
I knew at that point I was better than that. Why would a I want a man that thought and acted like that? That was the end.

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/04/2022 09:34

Well that’s a plot twist and a half isn’t it?

AutumnColours9 · 16/04/2022 09:42

I've been here and was at the end of my training too. Very very tough period, kids crying at night etc. 3 years later exH barely contacts the kids. Certainly no shared parenting going on.

There was indeed OW in my case and your list was him down to a tee. New friends etc. Lost weight. Moaning about his responsibilities.OW dumped her within months and he has now had a string of women.

I had no time off from my final placement as I couldn't and still graduate. I was back 3 days after he left. But in hindsight it was the best thing. I got a lot of support. It kept me busy even if I spent a lot of time crying discreetly in between patients. It was the best thing as enabled me to have a good career which keeps me busy and connected to the world (previously SAHM) and to be able to support DC with prospects for promotion etc (my last job was min wage and awful conditions).

In time you will be glad he is gone I promise. I realised I was always really a lone parent. He was always selfish.

Jaxinthebox · 16/04/2022 10:09

Im so sorry OP, what an absolute JOKE your EX H is.

Sending you huge hugs and strength. Take him for EVERYTHING, get legal advice and make sure you have everything in writing and copies of all documents, payslips etc.

No wonder you are angry, use that rage to your benefit.

After 20 years of marriage my now ex did this to me. Not a 22 year old, but another woman involved.

Ellie56 · 16/04/2022 10:34

Ewww she's young enough to be his daughter. That's really grim.

It won't last.

Username2101 · 16/04/2022 10:52

@Fluffycloudland77

Well that’s a plot twist and a half isn’t it?
Honestly I know this sounds ridiculous, and I wish it wasn't true.

I have been dragged into a joke of a life, only thing is my children are suffering.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 16/04/2022 12:58

My mums friend found out her dh was gay in her 80’s when he started hitting her so she’d move out and his boyfriend could move in.

Nanny0gg · 16/04/2022 18:42

@Username2101

The other injured party was telling me they had a wedding booked for February, so she is as devastated as I am.

Apparently the ow has form for this and has broken up a relationship at the last place she worked.

How the fuck could he leave his family for this, I actually hate him.

It's been going on since the works party I mentioned earlier, he took her home that night.

The thing that got to me the most is that when we were together I asked him to pick up a costume for the DDs book day at school. He sent this fucking girl to do it. He sent her to buy things for my children.

So hopefully karma will come back and bite him when she does the same to him
Monstertrucks · 17/04/2022 19:29

How are you doing today? - thinking of you xx

Username2101 · 17/04/2022 19:43

Hey!
I'm feeling ok, I have everyone blocked and I asked ex-dh to not contact me unless it's about the children.
My stomach is still in knots, but I will get through it. We had a nice day out for my nephews birthday yesterday which took our minds off everything for a bit.

OP posts:
Mooloolabababy · 17/04/2022 21:10

Oh op, that's shit, sorry to hear that. As much as it's really is crap at the mo, chances are it'll all go to total shit for him, hopefully by that time you'll be much stronger and will be able to laugh in his face about it Thanks

HazelBite · 17/04/2022 21:41

My goodness they both sound really trustworthy, they obviously deserve one another.
Something similar happened to a friend of mine, the new relationship was relatively short lived and, he has spent the last I don't know how many years, begging his ex wife to take him back, she never would!

Waitingforbabyno1toarrive · 17/04/2022 22:55

.

fossilsmorefossils · 18/04/2022 02:19

22? While his daughter is 17? That is so fucked up. I'm sorry OP, he's vile and an idiot. Don't take him back when she dumps him!

Porkmore · 18/04/2022 13:53

You are amazing. To have all this AND doing your sw qualification. I remember when I did mine and it was so intense and I didn't have any of the Crap you're going through. Keep going

twoandcooplease · 19/04/2022 22:01

I had a boss like your husband. Almost exactly actually
He had a gorgeous wife and three lovely children I met once
The absolute disgust I felt after meeting them then seeing him at a work's night out a while later with a 23yo newbie in the office
Every one spoke about him. Other managers. New people who joined the group warned etc
Embarrassing

You're amazing op
I hope you've read back your own posts ? You're so strong now Thanks

pumyin · 20/04/2022 06:18

fossilsmorefossils · 18/04/2022 02:19

22? While his daughter is 17? That is so fucked up. I'm sorry OP, he's vile and an idiot. Don't take him back when she dumps him!

Absolutely this. It’s so creepy & such a cliché 🤢

TheGetaway · 20/04/2022 08:59

What a dickhead.
He will obviously regret it but I know that’s no comfort to you now.

Focus on you and your DCs. There’s not one single person (except him) who will think this is a good decision.