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Relationships

Husband walked out tonight

687 replies

Username2101 · 21/03/2022 23:23

In the past few weeks my steady reliable husband has changed drastically. He went on a works party and basically came back a different person, he's become extremely focused about his weight. He's going out every weekend with "friends" he's never mentioned before, he's coming home later and later from work and making excuses to get out of the house.

I confronted him tonight and asked him very bluntly wtf is going on, I mean all this basically screams other woman. He started going on about him wanting to spend time with his friends and that he's the ONLY person in the whole wide world who has to ask for permission. (He doesn't)

I told him if he wanted his freedom so badly he can pack his bags, piss off and have it permanently. He walked out and went to stay with his friend, the friend who has regular parties with all the local 18 year old girls who think that a 45 year old man with a big house and a swimming pool is exciting.

Now I'm panicking, what on earth do I tell the children in the morning about where their daddy has gone, I have 2 months left of my degree and I'm at bloody placement until May. How am I meant to advise people about their lives when mine is a disaster.

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gonnabeok · 21/03/2022 23:35

Sorry OP it does sound like there's another woman. Start thinking about what you want if this comes to light.make sure you have your financial aspects in order. You could just tell the kids that one of his friends or family has taken ill suddenly and he's gone to help look after them. Remember to look after yourself. It's easy not to do that when your facing such a difficult time. He needs to be man enough to meet you somewhere neutral to have an adult conversation about the future. Be prepared though for another woman to surface shortly.

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Hiddenvoice · 21/03/2022 23:36

I’d have the same thought as you that there’s maybe another woman involved.
Is he maybe having a midlife crisis or problems with his mental health? I say this as a friend did something similar- no other woman involved just panicked about growing older and suddenly wanted to be young again!
Not that it helps you.
Leave him be just now and then some point tomorrow message him and say you need to talk for the childrens sake.
You don’t need to tell the children anything right now until you have more information about what’s going on.
Might be tough but I’d tell a fib and say he’s working awah for a few days etc
You’ve got 2 months left in your degree and you can definitely do it! Don’t let this man derail you!
Have you got a good support network around you? Any family you could rely on for a little while?

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BlueSummerBaby · 21/03/2022 23:42

the friend who has regular parties with all the local 18 year old girls who think that a 45 year old man with a big house and a swimming pool is exciting.

In his dreams! A lush house and a pool and possibly his cash is where the attraction ends Grin

Hmm don't know what you tell the DC. Maybe for now tell them he's gone to visit a friend, which isn't a lie, while you decide if this relationship is irredeemably broken.

Do you have a mentor at university or your placement? Talk to them. Or maybe there's a student counselling program you could access for support?

Sorry you're going through this and well done for not taking any shit.

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tkwal · 22/03/2022 00:08

You are still you. You can advise other people because they aren't you and their circumstances aren't yours. The right advice will still be the same as it was yesterday. If you really think you can't manage then certainly speak to your mentor and try to defer the end of your course,

Your husband sounds like a whiny child complaining " but all my friends can go". I don't think he's having an affair yet, but I do think he envies his friends lifestyle and this is why the parting and attempting to buff himself up has come from. He's starting to pick on things you " do wrong" put him right if he tries to talk to you.could you tell your children he has gone on a course or a business trip until you get your head around things ?. I give it max 6 weeks before he comes crawling back. Its up to you whether you let him. I wouldn't but I don't know you decide what you want and whether you could trust him again

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LoudSnoringDog · 22/03/2022 00:10

Are you a student nurse? If so would recommend speaking to your practice placement team for support to get you to the end of your placement

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HellToTheNope · 22/03/2022 00:11

Change the locks. Your idiot of a husband can stay with his new girlfriend, who will undoubtedly dump him within the month.

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Onthedunes · 22/03/2022 00:14

How predictable.

Print off a copy of the script and pass it to him also a timetable of when he can have the children, tell him you don't have time for this shit.

Don't they always chose their times to stop supporting you when you really need the support.
Concentrate on the degree, then concentrate on dealing with him.

He's decided not to fight for you then, just convieniently buggered off pretending to be single.

Remember this time.

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Username2101 · 22/03/2022 00:41

I'm a student social worker, I'm so fucking angry he's doing this now. If he isn't cheating yet, he has plans for it. I don't know where to go from here. I've been cheated on once by a previous partner, I won't tolerate it again.

I wasn't even bothered about him going out, I was more angry that I'm left to do a full time placement, uni work and come home spend all my evenings and weekends cleaning and looking after the kids whilst he's off having fun.

Men really are so so shit.

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blisstwins · 22/03/2022 00:49

What a sad cliche he is. Leave him to it. You are strong and will be done soon. Lean on friends and any support you can access, but hold your head high. Similar happened to me and my only regret is that I was too kind in the beginning.

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Toofuckingearly · 22/03/2022 00:50

@Username2101

I'm a student social worker, I'm so fucking angry he's doing this now. If he isn't cheating yet, he has plans for it. I don't know where to go from here. I've been cheated on once by a previous partner, I won't tolerate it again.

I wasn't even bothered about him going out, I was more angry that I'm left to do a full time placement, uni work and come home spend all my evenings and weekends cleaning and looking after the kids whilst he's off having fun.

Men really are so so shit.

Please try and finish your placement if you can. Maybe take a week off, I know in your 100 day placement you need to complete the days, but there is always scope to add it to the end of it.
I know it's easier said than done, during my SW degree I had a blip with my mental health. But I'm so glad that I persevered. I can't advise you with your husband, but it does sound like he's up to no good. In some ways it's better that he has left. At least you have stood your ground and you aren't in limbo. Good luck with the rest of your degree x
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Bogeyes · 22/03/2022 01:48

@Username2101

I'm a student social worker, I'm so fucking angry he's doing this now. If he isn't cheating yet, he has plans for it. I don't know where to go from here. I've been cheated on once by a previous partner, I won't tolerate it again.

I wasn't even bothered about him going out, I was more angry that I'm left to do a full time placement, uni work and come home spend all my evenings and weekends cleaning and looking after the kids whilst he's off having fun.

Men really are so so shit.

Not all men are shit!
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thegoldenone · 22/03/2022 05:44

100 percent another women . When he has grown up and has his fun he will come begging back . Do not take him back . They always come home crying after doing this . Pathetic things . I went through this with my ex of 12 years

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Laniania · 22/03/2022 06:00

Not all men are shit!

Wow, so helpful to the OP!
If that's your idea of respectful engagement, why bother.

Would uni maybe have a hardship fund for some extra babysitting to help you get some assignments done given the situation?

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needingpeace · 22/03/2022 06:13

Don’t back down. He’s not trustworthy or reliable. He’s stormed off rather than doing what he can to reassure you. You deserve better than this.

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FuckThatBullshit · 22/03/2022 06:28

What an absolute prick!

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Ratatoo · 22/03/2022 06:31

What a cunt. Stay strong Thanks

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Username2101 · 22/03/2022 06:49

My 17 year old DD heard everything and cried herself to sleep. The younger two are still asleep. I had a chat with her this morning, I don't even know what to say beyond I'm sorry.

I spent most of last night replaying the past few weeks in my head. He really has changed so much.

He hasn't sent one message since he walked out.

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ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/03/2022 06:59

YOUR life isn't a disaster. His, however, is.

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Loveagingernut · 22/03/2022 06:59

How am I meant to advise people about their lives when mine is a disaster….

This experience will make you a better SW. at least when giving advise , you will have knowledge and understanding of what the client is going through

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supercali77 · 22/03/2022 07:19

The man is a cliché midlife crisis disaster zone and it will fall to you to pick up after him. Nothing but supportive words and encouragement. Do what you have to to get through the next few months....it will be hard but you will x

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UserError012345 · 22/03/2022 07:20

Unfortunately you can't change the locks.

Sounds like he's having a crisis. Boo hoo. What absolutely shit timing.

I really think you need to do all you can to make sure you complete your degree, it would be tragic if you couldn't.

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cptartapp · 22/03/2022 07:22

I'd be asking him which half of the week he wants going forward? His share of the childcare that is. Put the wind up him.

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Username2101 · 22/03/2022 07:32

I'm just telling the girls that he had to go into work early for now. I have my game face on.

Thank you all for your kind words and support. It is really helping me from crumbling.

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MsDogLady · 22/03/2022 07:41

I’m so sorry, OP. Your H is choosing to trash his self-respect, marriage and family for cheap gratification elsewhere. Kudos for drawing a red line and refusing to tolerate his contemptuous behavior.

I really admire your choice of a social work career. You are studying to better the lives of others, as well as your own family. Your children will emulate your strength and determination. Don’t allow this selfish man to sabotage your path. Flowers

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wishywashy6 · 22/03/2022 08:11

What an absolute moron 🤦🏼‍♀️

Stay strong OP, one day at a time.

He's doing the cliche trying to blame you for being the boring nag of a wife while he's living out some pathetic sad mid life crisis fantasy life.
Definitely screams other woman/ women and you're right to not tolerate one second of it.

Pack his bags and let him know when he can see the kids.

Also, don't feel any shame or embarrassment. HE is in the wrong here, not you. Don't cover for him, make sure anyone you're prepared to discuss the matter with is fully aware of what a sad little man he is and exactly why you won't put up with it.

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