Husband walked out tonight

[Username2101]

In the past few weeks my steady reliable husband has changed drastically. He went on a works party and basically came back a different person, he's become extremely focused about his weight. He's going out every weekend with "friends" he's never mentioned before, he's coming home later and later from work and making excuses to get out of the house.

I confronted him tonight and asked him very bluntly wtf is going on, I mean all this basically screams other woman. He started going on about him wanting to spend time with his friends and that he's the ONLY person in the whole wide world who has to ask for permission. (He doesn't)

I told him if he wanted his freedom so badly he can pack his bags, piss off and have it permanently. He walked out and went to stay with his friend, the friend who has regular parties with all the local 18 year old girls who think that a 45 year old man with a big house and a swimming pool is exciting.

Now I'm panicking, what on earth do I tell the children in the morning about where their daddy has gone, I have 2 months left of my degree and I'm at bloody placement until May. How am I meant to advise people about their lives when mine is a disaster.

I know it won't help but he is most probably already cheating on you by his reaction to the kids crying. He simply cares more about the woman he is shagging than his daughters feelings right now.

Don't feel bad for begging him not to do this I doubt your were asking for you but rather not to break your kids hearts.

Feel your anger at his treatment of you and your lovely DC. He is a stupendous shit for doing this right now. Don't let him screw up your future, make sure he takes the dc 50% of the time his difficulties in doing this and working are no longer your responsibility.

@Username2101 you are such a good role model to you dc and they will really respect you for all your hard work.

Do you have family and friends you can lean on a bit? Give you some support a couple of times a week?

I'm so sorry OP
The post about your 3 girls sobbing broke my heart.
You might need to switch onto autopilot a little bit here to get through the next few days. Be strong for the girls. Come here and talk to us who won't judge when the girls are asleep and you want to vent.
You will get through this. But for now, one day at a time.x

You need to look after your children and yourself particularly your last few months of degree.. Go no contact with him immediately for self preservation OP. Talk to family and friends, lean on them and read all you can on affairs. Thinking of you. Many of us have been in your shoes. You are not alone. Xx

Christ, really? Another one of these absolute bell-ends? OP I'm sorry. Not dissimilar happened to me a few years back. Its like a switch flipped and my H was gone. Total stranger from that point on. Be prepared for him to start rewriting history about how he's been miserable for ages, possibly never even really loved you or wanted kids - its all to justify his leaving and is bullshit but will hurt to hear. Please get real life support - this is not a humiliation for you at all - its all on him. Keep hydrated and fed, go on autopilot as a pp said for the kids. Tell work too. Even though its a placement you should be ok to take a day or two if needed. Hang in there x

His loss.I know it's hard but for the meanwhile can you get support with the children and "pretend" this isn't going on just so you can finish your degree and get that done. Then come back to all this rubbish.
He can have his divorce, he can look for crappy places to rent, miss out on kids lives and live with the humiliation of everyone knowing what he's done. He doesn't get anything easy. Child maintenance and childcare so you get get time off for you too.
Angry on your behalf...you deserve, and will get, so much more 💐

@Username2101

I'm a student social worker, I'm so fucking angry he's doing this now. If he isn't cheating yet, he has plans for it. I don't know where to go from here. I've been cheated on once by a previous partner, I won't tolerate it again.

I wasn't even bothered about him going out, I was more angry that I'm left to do a full time placement, uni work and come home spend all my evenings and weekends cleaning and looking after the kids whilst he's off having fun.

Men really are so so shit.

He’s cheating

@Username2101

I'll be honest, I humiliated myself and begged him not to do this. He definitely had this planned for a while.

No decent man could look at his sobbing children and be ok with it.

He’s a bastard. He’ll regret it

I am so sorry op. I can’t believe he would be that heartless really when I comes to his children.
I get being honest but it’s all happened so quickly.
Are you okay?
Please don’t feel humiliated, so many of us would do exactly the same in your position.
Take each day as it comes, reach out to your family and friends to get support.
When you’re ready contact the school to say there’s been a change in family dynamics and they can support your children.
Soon you’ll feel anger which is completely understandable and justified.
I hope he will be honest with you at some point and tell you what’s really been happening as there’s clearly more tk the story but right now you’re doing the right thing by focusing on you and your children.
When you’re ready speak to a solicitor jusg to make sure your finances are okay.
Keep going with your degree, you are so strong and worked hard, you’re almost done and will be so proud of your achievement.
You will be such a strong role model for your children!

It's all just so fucking weird, it's literally out of nowhere. One argument and it's divorce time and he's looking at flats.

I'm on student finance, I have no money. Only saving grace is that we rent and it's in my name. So at least he can't take our home too.

My kids are so confused, hearing my 7 year old telling me she wanted to kill herself has broken me.

I can't do this, it's too hard.

In a couple 0f months you’ll graduate and he’ll still be a dickhead.

Claim Universal Credit via Gov.UK
You claim as a single parent student and get help with rent from them too.
Contact CMS for child support, this is extra to UC

Username2021 You can and will do this. Be upfront and honest with everyone, you and your children need the support. Get your degree, book a holiday for the summer, this will give you and the children something to aim for. Allow yourself to grieve but don't go easy on him, don't allow him to dictate what happens now, take control of your future.

@Username2101

He came to speak to the kids, they were hysterical and begging him not to go.

He was icy cold and started telling them about houses he's looking to rent.

But hey he says it's not my fault, he is in a "weird" place, but he definitely wants a divorce.

So that's that, a broken family, three sobbing little girls. But at least he gets to play out with his friends.

Oh Op I’m sorry.

He’s almost certainly got another woman ( or man) on the go.

It all sounds soooooooo bloody predictable.

He’ll be moving in with her/him next, most likely.

What arses men can be.

Been there, almost carbon copy.

Work party “ Just for the staff”⛔️⛔️⛔️⚠️

So sorry.

@Username2101

It's all just so fucking weird, it's literally out of nowhere. One argument and it's divorce time and he's looking at flats.

I'm on student finance, I have no money. Only saving grace is that we rent and it's in my name. So at least he can't take our home too.

My kids are so confused, hearing my 7 year old telling me she wanted to kill herself has broken me.

I can't do this, it's too hard.

You can do this, I promise you can.

First of all, make sure you’re claiming everything you’re entitled to - put a claim
In for UC straight away. He needs to pay CM, check the calculator for an idea of how much he will need to pay you.

Tell people in real life - they will support you and you will be surprised at how kind people can be.

Tell your tutor/placement so they can support you also.

That sick feeling in your stomach will go - if you can’t eat full meals stay hydrated and try and eat little and often.

One hour at a time for now, but I promise, PROMISE you will come through the other side and be happier, you sound incredible and you’re going to do great things.

The MN army is behind you x

In addition to the above advice from pp's about claiming benefits cms etc. Make sure you notify the council tax department asap too to claim the single person discount.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and it’s shit because you have to be the strong one for your kids whilst he doesn’t have to be the one to pick up the pieces.

Explain to your kids that lots of mums and dads need a break from each other and it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other or won’t get back together.

Do you have any support to help you with childcare whilst you finish your placement?

I know you’re going through a lot but it’s really important you don’t let him ruin things further so you need to finish your placement as you’ve come so far.

Forget about him right now.
Tell yourself you’re going to spend the next few weeks concentrating on yourself and kids and then you can deal with him.

If he’s left that means he can’t come back in the house.
If he thinks you’re doing ok without him then he might start begging for you back - don’t jump straight back in else he’ll end up doing it again and again.

@Username2101

It's all just so fucking weird, it's literally out of nowhere. One argument and it's divorce time and he's looking at flats.

I'm on student finance, I have no money. Only saving grace is that we rent and it's in my name. So at least he can't take our home too.

My kids are so confused, hearing my 7 year old telling me she wanted to kill herself has broken me.

I can't do this, it's too hard.

Eh if your 7 year old is saying she wants to kill herself you’ve got bigger things to worry about than your husband leaving

@Username2101

It's all just so fucking weird, it's literally out of nowhere. One argument and it's divorce time and he's looking at flats.

I'm on student finance, I have no money. Only saving grace is that we rent and it's in my name. So at least he can't take our home too.

My kids are so confused, hearing my 7 year old telling me she wanted to kill herself has broken me.

I can't do this, it's too hard.

You CAN do it.

It’s an horrendous shock, but you CAN survive.

Your poor Children.

In my case, the Other woman ( 15 yrs older ) actually had the audacity to come to out house and make out that I was “ Paranoid “
She said ( With her hand over her mouth!)
“
l am NOT having an affair with your husband “

In retrospect I wish I’d slapped her lying visage.

You will likely feel a whole raft of emotions, and a deep exhaustion and sense of unreality..

It’s the shock of it all.

Sounds unbelievably hard OP, but there'll come a time where you look back and thank your stars you did it. Take it slowly, read some of the financial and legal advice offered, and take care of yourself, and your girls. You are still a family, the four of you. What makes a family is love.

I’m so sorry op, this sounds so hard.
The kids will come through it eventually, it’s all just confusing and a big change at the moment.

Also take it from a qualified sw…..plenty of us have our own issues. Things like this provide you with personal experience of hardship which will help you empathise with the people you support.

Make sure you notify the council tax department asap too to claim the single person discount

Definitely notify them, as a student you will be disregarded for council tax so you shouldn't pay any until your course finishes.

Explain to your kids that lots of mums and dads need a break from each other and it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other or won’t get back together

(Quote)

Don’t ever lie to kids

My poor DS told me he wished so hard at every “ Make a wish” he had for dad to come back-
It’s not fair to let them think it’s possible.

Undoubtedly, the kids hurt the most.

Insensitive @betwixtlives
One can have more than one worry at a time. A woman trying to save her marriage can worry about saving her marriage whilst simultaneously worrying about the effects on her DC which are caused by the selfish actions of her DH.

You haven’t done this. He has. Do not blame yourself.
Yes, they really are shit.