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Original poster

At 40, would you expect ..

270 replies

Sonaftersonafterson · 14/03/2022 21:45

More than this?

I've very recently starting seeing a lovely guy. It's very casual, however he is 41 and ..well, would this set up put you off a guy?

Freelance writer. Makes enough to get by but that's it.
Been to his place 4 times. Never once bought me food or a drink. Tea or water!
Seems to have very few personal possessions. Moans about not earning enough yet refuses to work evenings or weekends ever, saying that is 'his time'
Has 1 small child he sees every weekend, a hands on loving dad yet he has expressed how much parenthood doesnt suit him, likened it to a bomb going off in his life, how dads get no support, all attention on mums etc and that he would never ever have another
Lives in a tiny flat by himself. Before that, flat shared with ex or with others
Is very spiritual, vegan and sober.
Doesnt drive. No licence. Travels by bus.

Positives
Very sweet natured, calm, intelligent, interesting and easy on the eye Grin

OP posts:
eatentoomanygrapes · 14/03/2022 21:47

The "very spiritual, vegan and sober" would be enough to send me running in the other direction 😅

Ikeameatballs · 14/03/2022 21:47

I couldn’t see myself having a meaningful relationship with him so how casual is casual? FWB?

AtomicBlondeRose · 14/03/2022 21:48

The lifestyle wouldn’t put me off - tiny flat, minimal possessions, spiritual could all be just an alternative way of seeing the world and quite refreshing.

BUT not working enough and complaining about lack of money would annoy me (not very spiritual either…) and the fact he sounds like he was a royal twat to the mother of his child is a massive massive dealbreaker.

GeneLovesJezebel · 14/03/2022 21:48

No, I’d pass.

MarineBlue33 · 14/03/2022 21:49

Sounds like you are already put off. If you liked him, all the negatives wouldn't be such a focus.

Hotcuppatea · 14/03/2022 21:50

He sounds like a man child with a significant probability of turning into a cocklodger. I'd run for the hills

movingon2022 · 14/03/2022 21:50

No, I definitely would not be able to date this person.

Wartywart · 14/03/2022 21:50

I wouldn't like the complaining about lack of money but not looking to earn more if he wants it. Would also worry about the lack of driving for the future because I wouldn't.want it to all fall on my shoulders.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 14/03/2022 21:50

Is he Russell brand?

I really wouldn't be keen to put up with the 'so hard to be a disney dad' bollocks at all.

Wizzbangfizz · 14/03/2022 21:51

A sober vegan and I would struggle to find common ground so on that basis yes I'd be out off.

Keepitonthedownlow · 14/03/2022 21:51

He sounds like hard work

MarmiteCoriander · 14/03/2022 21:52

What are YOU looking for? If you were planning/hoping for children, then he may not be the one. Why doesn't he drive? I could understand a disability, but would wonder why someone otherwise, especially with a child, hasn't now learnt to drive. The caveat being if they lived in a very central city with great transport links with no previous need to drive.

OP- its hard to say, because we aren't YOU or know what YOU want from a relasionship?

Thewindwhispers · 14/03/2022 21:54

Depends what you want OP. He sounds like a definite type - doesn’t prioritise money, more interested in spirituality than possessions and in having an interesting good hours job over money. He will be a lovely fit for someone, the question is whether you’d like someone a bit more - well, materialistic? Grown up? I’m not sure what the right word is without sounding judgey.

I think if you were a good fit for him you’d already be a vegan.

BornIn78 · 14/03/2022 21:54

A workshy, whining, non-driver, resentful dad who is a sober vegan.

Sounds like a real catch.

LoganberryJam · 14/03/2022 21:55

Do you have / want kids OP? To state the obvious, if you want kids then this isn't the man for you.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 14/03/2022 21:56

He sounds no fun at all. Doesn't matter how good looking he is, you do need to be able to have a laugh too!

ChickenStripper · 14/03/2022 21:56

He's a cocklodger in the making and a boring one.

LoganberryJam · 14/03/2022 21:58

If he's never bought food for you, what do you eat when you go to his?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 14/03/2022 22:01

Small flat and few possessions wouldnt bother me, but the rest would.

Margotshypotheticaldog · 14/03/2022 22:01

I'm wondering if this is my ex.....🤔
Does he start every day with some hybrid yoga/ tai chi stretching?? If it's him, run. Run away and don't look back!!!

Cleanbedlinen12 · 14/03/2022 22:03

Guaranteed he’ll be borrowing money off you soon.

merryhouse · 14/03/2022 22:05

@eatentoomanygrapes

The "very spiritual, vegan and sober" would be enough to send me running in the other direction 😅
exactly what I thought Grin

The moaning about not having enough money and the twattishness over his child could be ignored if it were genuinely really really casual...

Ohyesiam · 14/03/2022 22:07

Spiritual but moans a lot?

Enzbear · 14/03/2022 22:07

"Is he Russell brand?" Grin I thought this.
Sounds like a good mate potential, definitely wouldn't be relationship material for me.

tiredanddangerous · 14/03/2022 22:07

I could never be with someone who couldn't enjoy a nice steak and a glass or 3 of red.

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