At 40, would you expect ..

[Sonaftersonafterson]

More than this?

I've very recently starting seeing a lovely guy. It's very casual, however he is 41 and ..well, would this set up put you off a guy?

Freelance writer. Makes enough to get by but that's it.
Been to his place 4 times. Never once bought me food or a drink. Tea or water!
Seems to have very few personal possessions. Moans about not earning enough yet refuses to work evenings or weekends ever, saying that is 'his time'
Has 1 small child he sees every weekend, a hands on loving dad yet he has expressed how much parenthood doesnt suit him, likened it to a bomb going off in his life, how dads get no support, all attention on mums etc and that he would never ever have another
Lives in a tiny flat by himself. Before that, flat shared with ex or with others
Is very spiritual, vegan and sober.
Doesnt drive. No licence. Travels by bus.

Positives
Very sweet natured, calm, intelligent, interesting and easy on the eye

Vegan , sober ? No thanks . I'm a steak and red wine girl 🤣

If you like him does it matter what others think?

Well spiritual I like and also sweet natured, easy on the eye and being a writer.

Not so sure about vegan and the self centredness of thinking becoming parents is all about the mother well yes, the woman who is recovering from the physical and emotional rite of passage of passing a melon through something that generally copes with a lemon, notwithstanding dealing with sore and weeping breasts

Skint, mean and lazy would have me running for the hills.

If I were contemplating a writer, I think I'd want a best selling, generous, food and culture loving hunk who worshipped the woman he loves.

No thanks

Wouldn't be for me.

A turn off in a nutshell

Possibly a friend but definitely not a partner.

Not offering any food or drink when you go there is just inconsiderate. I don't want an inconsiderate partner.

Not driving is just a complete pain as you'll end up always being the taxi service and resenting it.

Vegan and sober doesn't really do it for me either. I'm more a sharing a chinese takeaway and a bottle of wine type of person.

Sounds like the right chap for somebody but that somebody wouldn’t be me, and I’m guessing from the way you asked it probably isn’t you either, OP.

One thing i can tell you for sure is that he sounds highly unlikely to change, so i wouldn’t hang on in the hope that he reveals his hidden shallows.

Disciplined with diet and drink but chaotic with everything else!

We would definitely be opposites!

Sorry, I meant ALL he offered was tea or water. Fancy shmancy weird tea sweetened with honey no less. That or water. Food... no. He ate warmed up pasta and gloop and of course offered, but ... nah.

He really is just a shag and not even a very good one so I'm not invested, it was more curiosity. I was taken aback by this self confessed "hippy' who isn't really a hippy at all, and wondered if I was just being judgey. He seems... almost teenager in his outlook or is this the spirituality and I'm missing the point. He meditates, does yoga, all that. Never dated anyone like this before. I think on the whole, I find him boring and he is just a fuck buddy but admit to being glad to hear its not just me who thinks he is a bit

Is very spiritual, vegan and sober.
Doesnt drive. No licence. Travels by bus.

Oh dear

Nope, he wouldn't tick any boxes for me. Spiritual slacker unable to function properly as an adult is not anyone's idea of a good catch. He'll be exactly the same when he's 60.

@BornIn78

A workshy, whining, non-driver, resentful dad who is a sober vegan.

Sounds like a real catch.

😂

@JamieNorthlife

*Is very spiritual, vegan and sober. Doesnt drive. No licence. Travels by bus.*

Oh dear

This. ^

Rightly or wrongly, I find a man who has not learned to drive, a massive turn off. What kind of man can't drive? Incredibly off-putting IMO.

(Unless their is a serious health issue, which there very likely is not in most cases...)

THERE not their!

I quite like the sound of most of that (yes, even sober vegan as I’m vegan and rarely drink myself and I don’t drive) but i wouldn’t want to date a man with a kid. It does sound like anything more serious would be financially unbalanced as well. I do think his comments on fatherhood sound twatty but equally, why shouldn’t he be honest about not really liking parenting? Im not sure what to make of ‘dads don’t get enough support’ because on the one hand they’re not the ones birthing the baby, but society doesn’t really encourage men to take a very active role in fatherhood.

@eatentoomanygrapes

The "very spiritual, vegan and sober" would be enough to send me running in the other direction 😅

Me too! Any man with a fussy diet can jog on!

No driving licence would concern me

The man is a waste of space.

@BornIn78

A workshy, whining, non-driver, resentful dad who is a sober vegan.

Sounds like a real catch.

😆 nailed it

@eatentoomanygrapes

The "very spiritual, vegan and sober" would be enough to send me running in the other direction 😅

This. Those men are all narcissistic knobheads. Run.

@Ponchek

No driving licence would concern me

Seriously, that is like the least worst red flag here! Look at all the other issues! 🤣

He’s not vegan if he eats honey - maybe you should point that out to him

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Russel Brand easy on he eye? . . Give over...

Well I would . Op- it depends what you are looking for. It could be fine if you want casual and keep him separate to your home life. If you are in a much better position than him, I'd be worried about potential cocklodging.

@eatentoomanygrapes

The "very spiritual, vegan and sober" would be enough to send me running in the other direction 😅

Was going to say the exact same thing!