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Original poster

At 40, would you expect ..

270 replies

Sonaftersonafterson · 14/03/2022 21:45

More than this?

I've very recently starting seeing a lovely guy. It's very casual, however he is 41 and ..well, would this set up put you off a guy?

Freelance writer. Makes enough to get by but that's it.
Been to his place 4 times. Never once bought me food or a drink. Tea or water!
Seems to have very few personal possessions. Moans about not earning enough yet refuses to work evenings or weekends ever, saying that is 'his time'
Has 1 small child he sees every weekend, a hands on loving dad yet he has expressed how much parenthood doesnt suit him, likened it to a bomb going off in his life, how dads get no support, all attention on mums etc and that he would never ever have another
Lives in a tiny flat by himself. Before that, flat shared with ex or with others
Is very spiritual, vegan and sober.
Doesnt drive. No licence. Travels by bus.

Positives
Very sweet natured, calm, intelligent, interesting and easy on the eye Grin

OP posts:
TedMullins · 15/03/2022 11:30

@TooManyPlatesInMotion

I find it a bit odd that so many seem to think not being able to drive is an issue. In London not driving is pretty common, esp with the congestion charge and now the ulez charge too. If a medical issue was an emergency then a car wouldn't necessarily help - parking at my nearest hospital is pretty much impossible, it would be an ambulance or a cab.

I have a licence but don't drive - the hassle and expensive of keeping a car here is too much. I don't think others view me as slightly useless because of this - I bloody hope not anyway!

Nobody in London cares if you drive or not - I think out of my friends and acquaintances here I'd say about 50-60% drive and the rest don't. Outside of London it apparently makes you akin to someone with two heads who kills puppies for fun.
RantyAunty · 15/03/2022 11:43

I didn't realise this was the hippy wanker.
I thought he got the heave ho?

Please ditch this weirdo. You deserve much better.
If you can, maybe try some therapy.

BeHappy91818 · 15/03/2022 11:45

@BornIn78

A workshy, whining, non-driver, resentful dad who is a sober vegan.

Sounds like a real catch.

😂 ^ This
Nnique · 15/03/2022 11:45

Spiritual, vegan, and sober...

Nah. Especially not in light of the claptrap he’s spouting about his child.

BeHappy91818 · 15/03/2022 11:49

@TooManyPlatesInMotion

I find it a bit odd that so many seem to think not being able to drive is an issue. In London not driving is pretty common, esp with the congestion charge and now the ulez charge too. If a medical issue was an emergency then a car wouldn't necessarily help - parking at my nearest hospital is pretty much impossible, it would be an ambulance or a cab.

I have a licence but don't drive - the hassle and expensive of keeping a car here is too much. I don't think others view me as slightly useless because of this - I bloody hope not anyway!

Well lots of people don’t live in London so they need a car. It’s hardly odd.

I’d never date a non driver. Non drivers are just a pain in the ass.

itisyourbirthdayKelly · 15/03/2022 11:52

He sounds like a massive twat.

grapewines · 15/03/2022 12:04

@implantreplace

Op

Last week you posted

* We were due to meet again friday and we were chatting last night so I just asked him, are you seeing anyone else? He said yes sad I was so shocked. Mainly because he had given me no indication and we had been having unprotected sex but also, it just seems so...well, mean. *

All of a sudden it makes sense.
KatherineJaneway · 15/03/2022 13:02

@BornIn78

A workshy, whining, non-driver, resentful dad who is a sober vegan.

Sounds like a real catch.

Totally
potniatheron · 15/03/2022 13:02

I think a lot of it depends on what life experiences have led him up to this point. For example you say he is sober...is he in recovery from addiction? Lots of people in that position often have to lose everything and start again. (I know I did.) Same with some men coming out of relationships. If he has achieved that then well done to him as most addicts and alcoholics don't make it. No judgement without context for me.

PleaseBeSeated · 15/03/2022 13:12

I don't think you sound particularly nice yourself, OP. First you complain he's never offered you food at his flat, then you say in a subsequent post that he offered you food, about which you were sneery -- might it not be that what you consider 'gloop' because you seem so hostile to veganism, was actually something delicious? Or were you expecting him to offer you meat, even though he doesn't eat it himself? Your response just reminds me of my elderly father, who has incredibly conservative food tastes and regards pasta or curries as 'foreign muck'.

potniatheron · 15/03/2022 13:15

I would also like to add that the idea that one goes through life, constantly upwardly mobile, accumulating things, getting wealthier and more comfortable, and if not there must be something wrong with you, is a very middle class and privileged idea. Real life is not really like that. It goes up and down.

ArthurBloom · 15/03/2022 13:19

@eatentoomanygrapes

The "very spiritual, vegan and sober" would be enough to send me running in the other direction 😅
lmao!! This tickled me, totally agree.
daisyjgrey · 15/03/2022 13:28

Hard pass.

Lucienandjean · 15/03/2022 13:29

He has every right to live a minimalist lifestyle and not focus on work or earning potential, BUT he's also forcing his child (and his ex?) into a similar situation, because I assume he doesn't earn enough to be contributing meaningfully to the costs of his child's upbringing.

It sounds to me as if fatherhood is a trial to him, something he regrets and is not very invested in. I find that distasteful because there's a real child involved who deserves better, both financially and in terms of love, involvement and support.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 15/03/2022 13:39

we had been having unprotected sex

Pardon ?

You mean you are consciously trying for a baby with him ?

HollysBush · 15/03/2022 13:46

OP may mean unprotected as in on hormonal contraception but not using condoms

Trippingslippingx1 · 15/03/2022 13:54

@Cleanbedlinen12

Guaranteed he’ll be borrowing money off you soon.
My instinct too. Hes setting the scene.
Beautiful3 · 15/03/2022 13:56

Sounds like you're both incompatible.

Keepitrealnomists · 15/03/2022 14:00

Not a chance! Run!

gingerhills · 15/03/2022 14:05

He sounds like a dreary man child to me. 'Spiritual' but won't work enough hours to earn enough to live comfortably? Doesn't take adequate responsibility for his child but moans dad's don't get enough attention????

Tell him to go and plait his navel fluff and sell the braids on ebay as paternal appreciation bracelets.

Nnique · 15/03/2022 14:06

It’s like a man who call himself a feminist. You just know it’s pretty much 100% likely he’s going to be anything but.

Trippingslippingx1 · 15/03/2022 14:07

@gingerhills

He sounds like a dreary man child to me. 'Spiritual' but won't work enough hours to earn enough to live comfortably? Doesn't take adequate responsibility for his child but moans dad's don't get enough attention????

Tell him to go and plait his navel fluff and sell the braids on ebay as paternal appreciation bracelets.

Tell him to go and plait his navel fluff and sell the braids on ebay as paternal appreciation bracelets.

Quote of my week.

dumdumduuuummmmm · 15/03/2022 14:09

@eatentoomanygrapes

The "very spiritual, vegan and sober" would be enough to send me running in the other direction 😅
Ha! Me too. Came here to say exactly that. I know the type. It's never his fault. The world is wrong. He is always right and self righteous. I do know the type
Trippingslippingx1 · 15/03/2022 14:15

I know the type as well and they are to be largely avoided. I have never had a phase of these men

  • one was enough. He made me a mushroom latte whilst talking at me about being an anti-vaxxer. He would shush me regularly. He was a chirpractor and told me my medical training was the same as his. 😂🙂
aalidfeie · 15/03/2022 14:26

The he's never bought me even a drink, water or tea, plus the thoughts about parenthood plus the vegan and spiritual would dry my fanny up so quick I would need some kind of hydration treatment! Soz

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