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Original poster

Should he have offered to pay for the holiday?

293 replies

TheSparkling · 13/03/2022 20:55

I really need some thoughts on the situation I find myself in. I was widowed over 3 years ago and I've been in a new relationship for 9 months now. Apart from being married I have little experience of relationships which is why I'm asking for advise and opinions here.
My bf is a really lovely man and we seem to get on very well. We are very similar in lots of ways. Last year we had a weekend away together in a UK city which went well. Today bf suggested we book a week in Greece in Sept. All lovely, looked at some apartments and hotels and had a chat about what we would like etc. All good.
Except I've come home and gone through my budget and I know I can't afford it. I think i knew at the time but I got caught up a little in the excitement because I've not been abroad for 3 years like many people.

The thing is my bf knows money is really short for me. I have 3 dependent teenagers, I work and I'm a single parent. I have no other financial support, there is no pension or anything from my husband. My budget is tight and i struggle to pay for extras although I manage to save a small amount each month to cover this. During our chat about a holiday I expected my bf to offer to pay for the holiday. I don't know if I was unreasonable to do so? I didn't say that to him at the time but as I was driving home I became increasingly upset about it.

I'm not exactly sure why tbh. He said to me we could book it and you can pay me back even if that's after the holiday. But I don't want to be in debt to him (or to anybody).

Please tell me if I'm being unfair to him or should I not be expecting him to offer to pay more towards the holiday? (He is financially better off, no kids, mortgage paid, works full time.)

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 13/03/2022 20:58

I’m not sure why you think he should pay for you to have a holiday tbh !?
I would not expect a boy for 9 months to pay for anything for me

Sassbott · 13/03/2022 20:58

Sorry. But no, I don’t think he should offer to pay. I think it’s very generous that he’s offered you the option of paying him back. But 9 months in, no. I wouldn’t be paying for another adult to holiday with me. (If I was I’d take a girlfriend over a man).

Itsnotover · 13/03/2022 20:58

The fact that he earns more shouldn’t automatically mean that he should pay for everything, but at the same time if it’s a drop in the ocean to him then it would be nice of him to offer.

You should have said to him ‘I really can’t afford this’ I think.

Cheekyandfreaky · 13/03/2022 20:59

I don’t think you should expect that, especially if you do live separately and your finances aren’t joint. It sounds like things are tight, I’m sorry. If he offers that’s lovely, but you can’t expect too.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 13/03/2022 21:00

No sorry, I don't think he should pay.

Jaxinthebox · 13/03/2022 21:00

Im sorry, this has upset you, but Id be expecting you to pay half of the holiday and half the spending money too.

You are not married or have joint finances.

Nillynally · 13/03/2022 21:00

No.

AHungryCaterpillar · 13/03/2022 21:00

Wow! You expected a bf of 9 months to pay for your holiday ? 😕

Tee20x · 13/03/2022 21:01

You are 100% being unfair to him. Why should he subsidise you just because you can't afford it. You've only been together for 9 months, presumably in his view you've made your choices in respect of children etc & he hasn't or has been able to focus on his career for whatever reason.

If you knew things were tight and you were unlikely to be able to pay for it it was silly to let your mind run away and start looking at holidays and apartments etc.

bluedodecagon · 13/03/2022 21:01

If he’s on £500k and you’re on £20k maybe. If you’re both on similar salaries but you have higher outgoings then no I wouldn’t expect him to pay.

BeHappy91818 · 13/03/2022 21:02

Yes you are being unfair.. you have only been dating 9 months and you want him to pay for your holidays.

I honestly don’t know why you think he should.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 13/03/2022 21:02

I think 9 months in is a bit early to be expecting him to fund holidays tbh.

Sassbott · 13/03/2022 21:03

@bluedodecagon that’s interesting. Why should his income mean it’s a maybe? Why should any adult be expected / or maybe expected to subsidise another adult they’ve been dating for a short period of time? Irrespective of income levels or net worth?

arethereanyleftatall · 13/03/2022 21:06

Sorry op I echo the others - you really really shouldn't be 'expecting' a relatively new boyfriend to find a - what - £2000k? Holiday for you.
'I'm really sorry bf, it sounds lovely, but I can't afford that right now.'

Purplecatshopaholic · 13/03/2022 21:08

It doesn’t matter what he earns and what you do. You have been together less than a year, have separate finances, not married etc - the question really is why on earth would you expect him to pay for you?

britneyisfree · 13/03/2022 21:09

Well if it was the other way round would you want to pay?

But yeah if he knows your circs and that it would be hard he shouldn't have suggested it but if he couldn't cover it I guess..... I'm not sure. But I'd love for someone to pay for a holiday for me so I can sort of understand where you are coming from but yeah sort of unreasonable!

RoyKentsChestHair · 13/03/2022 21:09

My ex definitely would have paid. He earned a lot more than me and was very generous.

I don’t think he should have offered as such, but I understand why you feel a bit fed up that he didn’t offer if he can afford it. If it were me with the money, I’d rather compromise on location/duration and pay for us both than not get a holiday or go with someone else because my partner couldn’t afford it.

TidyDancer · 13/03/2022 21:11

Can you explain why you thought he should pay? If you are so against being in debt to him, it's difficult to see why you'll expect him to fund you (especially with it being a very new relationship).

pippinsleftleg · 13/03/2022 21:11

You don’t want to be in debt to him (pay him back) but you expect him to pay for you?

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/03/2022 21:12

No. He’s a shortish term boyfriend, you’re not a committed unit. He should be sensitive to your financial situation and look at cheaper options that mean you can afford to pay your way and go together. But equally if he can afford a more expensive holiday he should be able to go with friends or by himself.

Your expectations are very unfair and unrealistic and he might worry you’re trying to take advantage of his circumstances if you make a big deal of this.

Are you paying your share of dates expenses?

Stomacharmeleon · 13/03/2022 21:14

I wouldn't be going anywhere with 3 dependent teens in term time either (sorry)

Baaaa · 13/03/2022 21:14

It's been 9 months! He's being sensible not getting too financially entwined. Is he paying for all your dates? Why on earth would he buy you a holiday?

AhAgain · 13/03/2022 21:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Baaaa · 13/03/2022 21:15

He's being nice enough as it is saying he'll pay and you can pay him back, shows he trusts you're not just after his money.

PrincessPaws · 13/03/2022 21:17

Sorry OP you are being very unfair, and it was unreasonable to expect him to pay in the first place. You are in a pretty new relationship and he doesn't owe you a holiday regardless of how much he earns

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