Drugs is an immediate dealbreaker, isn't it?

[jolliejullie]

I went on a couple of dates with a man whom I quite liked. 42, handsome, funny, smart, good job, no kids but looking for a relationship that would lead to a family. We had a great time so far, but thank God haven't slept together yet.

Today we went on our 4th date and he told me he uses drugs regularly. Cocaine once a month and ecstasy a couple of times a year.

I am so disappointed. I have to call it a day immediately, don't I? What'a the point of continuing seeing him, knowing he uses drugs and that would most likely lead to issues down the line?

I don't use any drugs, I drink a couple of glasses of wine often but that's it. I am not familiar with the world of drugs and I don't think I want to get any closer to it.

Ugh, what a disappointment. I thought this one had potential.

I think it would be for me, yeah. It's the coke that's worrying, especially as I'm afraid it's unlikely to be only once a month. It's highly addictive stuff and it shuts down the part of the brain that deals in empathy. I couldn't date a 40-something that does it regularly.

You're wasting your time on this one if you're looking to settle down and have kids, he wouldn't be the most sensible choice. I would end it quite honestly before you get attached. Choosing wisely for a family is most important

It would be an absolute hard line for me

Yep. End it.

I couldn't continue with this. Okay for a fling.

Yeah. He's a bit old for it at 42. Fine in your 20s but not now

42...no kids but looking for a relationship that would lead to a family.

That alone screams man child to me!

he told me he uses drugs regularly. Cocaine once a month and ecstasy a couple of times a year.

He's prob minimising here too

Drugs are a total deal breaker for me too friends and dates I've never taken drugs and never would

I've lost people to drugs

I don’t know much about drugs and don’t use them personally

However, my married MC 40 something friends husbands get together & do Coke once a year … find out more about this guy, his values and habits

Well done for coming to this conclusion before it's to too late.

I'm not anti drugs, did my fair share when I was younger as did a few of my exes. In our 20s, no DCs etc. Look back at those times fondly.

Alarm bells would ring however for somebody to still have that lifestyle in their 40s. It's a bit sad. And I'd put money on him doing it more often than he's telling you.

I don't think regular coke usage is compatible with starting a family, so I would trust your instincts on this.

I agree with pp, it's a deal breaker.

I would end it.
I've personal experience of what drugs do to everyone involved.
I would NEVER get involved with anyone who does drugs.

I wouldn't walk, I'd run.

There's nothing remotely attractive about drug use.

Late teens and early 20's plenty of people I know experimented with coke/pills.

You grow out of it though. Past early 20's is a bit sad. Being in your 40's is just pathetic...I'd run.

The ecstasy I wouldn't mind. The cocaine I would avoid. I am experienced in the world of drugs and those are two very different beasts.

If he's willing to give up the cocaine, I'd consider it. But it's a hard drug to quit.

Wouldn’t be for me, but seems not to be uncommon these days for 30s/40s age groups, or maybe it’s just my circles! At a wedding pre covid and half our table of friends/acquaintances seemed to be on e. One was a doctor who told me he preferred it to drinking 10 pints or whatever he would inevitably consume on an all day session - questionable considering you don’t know what’s in the yoke but there you go!

This is very common amongst many people I know. If he's able to leave it at once a month he's very much an occasional recreational drug user. I suppose the concern might be that he's not being truthful and playing it down. For me I'd consider this as akin to going out and drinking a lot once a lot bit of course if it's something you're not comfortable with then of end it now.

He want's a family but can you imagine saddling a child with a Father that is a druggie ? Run away you don't need that in your life.

The coke would be a no for me I'm afraid.

It depends on what you want. For me it would be a no way. I don't do drugs and don't tolerate it in others.

It would absolutely be a dealbreaker for me.

Wouldn't bother me at all.

Coke is rank. If an adult wants to fuck their own body up then fine, but I see all the vulnerable kids that are forced into county lines or dragged into couriering the drugs around the streets and all the other stuff they end up becoming involved in and it’s fucking awful. I couldn’t be a part of that.

I think it's good he's been upfront about it early on, so you can make an informed decision about what to do. For me it would be a dealbreaker, for others it wouldn't be - although it sounds like for most on this thread it would.

Yep. Plus re coke the ethical issues of buying from a supply chain with so many murderers in it.

Cokehead = not dad material.