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Original poster

Drugs is an immediate dealbreaker, isn't it?

200 replies

jolliejullie · 12/03/2022 19:05

I went on a couple of dates with a man whom I quite liked. 42, handsome, funny, smart, good job, no kids but looking for a relationship that would lead to a family. We had a great time so far, but thank God haven't slept together yet.

Today we went on our 4th date and he told me he uses drugs regularly. Cocaine once a month and ecstasy a couple of times a year.

I am so disappointed. I have to call it a day immediately, don't I? What'a the point of continuing seeing him, knowing he uses drugs and that would most likely lead to issues down the line?

I don't use any drugs, I drink a couple of glasses of wine often but that's it. I am not familiar with the world of drugs and I don't think I want to get any closer to it.

Ugh, what a disappointment. I thought this one had potential.

OP posts:
BlindGirlMcSqueaky · 13/03/2022 20:36

[quote ParkheadParadise]**@BlindGirlMcSqueaky
I bloody wish it was scaremongering.
That is my DECEASED daughter I was talking about.
If only she'd known to be sensible with heroin.
I will tell her during the week when I visit her grave.[/quote]
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm not saying it never happens. But it's not common. It's definitely not a forgone conclusion.

me4real · 13/03/2022 20:36

It would depend on the woman but I would bin him straight away. He could also be lying about the extent of it @jolliejullie Angry Sad

That's dreadful @mcplant . I hope she gets out of it.

me4real · 13/03/2022 20:38

I wouldn't even go out with a pot smoker as it landed me in hospital for the first time with my bipolar, so I have a very low opinion of it and the people who take it.

They do tend to have various issues, especially if they smoke it regularly.

me4real · 13/03/2022 20:41

Like a lot of people I tried various drugs when I was younger. But they really didn't suit me. And I'd want a partner who's a grown up.

Gonnagetgoing · 13/03/2022 20:43

Yes it’s a dealbreaker.

I recall a few years ago I met a man and had a few dates, wasn’t sure re chemistry but thought would give it a go. Then he told me every few months he’s get together with mates and do cocaine and ecstasy. I’ve done this in the past (much younger) but no way am I interested now.

me4real · 13/03/2022 20:45

@ParkheadParadise So sorry for your loss. Flowers

Itsnotover · 13/03/2022 20:46

42? Yes definitely a dealbreaker.

Gonnagetgoing · 13/03/2022 20:46

@blockbustervideo

I don't know... MN is full of pearl clutchers. A large majority of 40-somethings I know do cocaine recreationally (central london).
@blockbustervideo - well they’re sad idiots then.
Chloemol · 13/03/2022 20:47

Yep dealbreaker

fifteentoes · 13/03/2022 21:07

I don't use any drugs, I drink a couple of glasses of wine often but that's it.

So you mean you do use drugs, then.

Londondreams1 · 13/03/2022 21:15

@ParkheadParadise of course drug taking is not ideal in a partner, but it baffles me how many people are ‘cool with’ alcohol and the way it affects people, which makes it so much harder for the spouse, child or parent who has to deal with the person.

PatsyClinSilVousPlait · 13/03/2022 21:53

@fifteentoes

I don't use any drugs, I drink a couple of glasses of wine often but that's it.

So you mean you do use drugs, then.

That line could've been straight off Brass Eye.
Qwill · 13/03/2022 23:46

@PatsyClinSilVousPlait
Hahahaha - exactly!

whiteroseredrose · 14/03/2022 06:43

@timestheyarechanging

Agree with Elouise. I partied a lot during the acid house days and sometimes still do. My EX H (we are still friends) does too. I haven't talent ecstasy since my daughter was born, 23 years ago but I do still have a line or two when I go out, maybe every three months. So do all my friends. No one has a problem with it. One of our friends did get addicted but he's now been clean for 8 years. My kids (23 and 18) have no idea and they do do drugs either - I would be able to tell when they come in after a night out. We live completely normal lives. We have good jobs. My ex and I bought our first house when we were 25. We now own a house each and both paid off our mortgages. Daughter has a great job and is about to buy a flat, having saved a deposit. Son is doing 3 A levels and plays football for the county. Both have lovely boyfriend and girlfriend. My partner does the same - he too has a successful business and owes property worth over a million. Doing a couple of lines once in a while has not impaired his life at all. I have the same group of friends that I used to go clubbing with 30 odd years ago and our children are all friends. However, one of our friends became alcoholic and sadly died. Another friend is also battling alcoholism. So, I'd much prefer to be with someone who did a line or two once every couple of months than someone who drank to excess. Alcohol is worse in my experience.

But it's not just about you. The alcohol was legally purchased, but used to excess. Your occasional line of coke is supporting gangs and DC being abused in county lines delivery.

Nelliephant1 · 14/03/2022 06:59

As long as it's that infrequent give it a chance. As long as it doesn't impact you or his life then he's not addicted just using recreationally.

Boomboomboomboomboomno · 30/03/2022 15:12

I don't understand why anyone would tolerate it.
This is close to home as a family member found out her husband was doing Class A drugs behind her back and I cannot comprehend why she still stayed with him?! I believe they split up briefly (he possibly moved out for a short while) but then (cliche) she took him back. As other posters have pointed out it's never a one off and I can't understand why with kids involved she'd want to live like that. On top of that they'd been having issues in the marriage for a while and had started counselling (before she found out about the drugs) Please someone enlighten me?

ValerieCupcake · 30/03/2022 15:18

@jolliejullie

I went on a couple of dates with a man whom I quite liked. 42, handsome, funny, smart, good job, no kids but looking for a relationship that would lead to a family. We had a great time so far, but thank God haven't slept together yet.

Today we went on our 4th date and he told me he uses drugs regularly. Cocaine once a month and ecstasy a couple of times a year.

I am so disappointed. I have to call it a day immediately, don't I? What'a the point of continuing seeing him, knowing he uses drugs and that would most likely lead to issues down the line?

I don't use any drugs, I drink a couple of glasses of wine often but that's it. I am not familiar with the world of drugs and I don't think I want to get any closer to it.

Ugh, what a disappointment. I thought this one had potential.

Looking for a family? He is not fit to be in charge of a tadpole.
sausagepastapot · 30/03/2022 15:32

Absolute no from me. Vile.

CambsAlways · 30/03/2022 16:37

Not in a million years! Would want to be with anyone who did coke

layladomino · 30/03/2022 18:24

I think you've done the right thing. If you would be interested in having children, and if you were writing the profile of the ideal father (or even the fairly basic requirements for a decent father) would you include 'drug user'?

hattie43 · 30/03/2022 18:46

@SickAndTiredAgain

It would absolutely be a dealbreaker for me.
This
Ruralbliss · 30/03/2022 19:26

One of my best mates has lost her long term partner to an escalating all consuming cocaine addiction. He's not dead but their relationship is due to his benders and refusal to see an issue.

Coke heads are generally nobs who find it ok to talk endlessly about themselves.
I dated one for a while. He too played down his habit but it was later revealed it was root cause of a long term relationship break-up and had to leave town to escape the dealers and lifestyle.

It's a firm no for me. Else trouble ahead.

Boomboomboomboomboomno · 30/03/2022 20:31

@Boomboomboomboomboomno

I don't understand why anyone would tolerate it. This is close to home as a family member found out her husband was doing Class A drugs behind her back and I cannot comprehend why she still stayed with him?! I believe they split up briefly (he possibly moved out for a short while) but then (cliche) she took him back. As other posters have pointed out it's never a one off and I can't understand why with kids involved she'd want to live like that. On top of that they'd been having issues in the marriage for a while and had started counselling (before she found out about the drugs) Please someone enlighten me?
@Ruralbliss oh I totally agree with you. But please read my situation I've quoted. Would you stay if it happened whilst married? Please help me understand why family member stayed?
Boomboomboomboomboomno · 30/03/2022 21:22

^ we've stopped all contact with them for obv reasons

Boomboomboomboomboomno · 30/03/2022 21:59

Bump