Drugs is an immediate dealbreaker, isn't it?

[jolliejullie]

I went on a couple of dates with a man whom I quite liked. 42, handsome, funny, smart, good job, no kids but looking for a relationship that would lead to a family. We had a great time so far, but thank God haven't slept together yet.

Today we went on our 4th date and he told me he uses drugs regularly. Cocaine once a month and ecstasy a couple of times a year.

I am so disappointed. I have to call it a day immediately, don't I? What'a the point of continuing seeing him, knowing he uses drugs and that would most likely lead to issues down the line?

I don't use any drugs, I drink a couple of glasses of wine often but that's it. I am not familiar with the world of drugs and I don't think I want to get any closer to it.

Ugh, what a disappointment. I thought this one had potential.

Cocaine is a rubbish drug IMO, and I would be wary of anyone who took it regularly. Ecstasy occasionally for dancing etc I don’t have a problem with.

Surprised so many are ok with ecstasy, isn't there always a risk of getting a bad pill or whatever form it is taken in these days?

and obviously people can get heatstroke etc while dancing at festivals and all those risks, even if someone is an 'experienced' drug user would it not be possible that they are more at risk as they get older and their body doesn't work as efficiently?

He's 42, would people be ok with a man of 50 taking it? or 65 lol?

Guaranteed he is downplaying it

Wouldn't be keen on coke or ecstasy. Bit of weed would be the limit for me

I wouldn't want to know a man who uses drugs, it would be likely he uses them more than he says he does.. Drugs are addictive eventually, and mess up your mind and body, not to mention the money spent on them.

@Madferit

Wouldn't be keen on coke or ecstasy. Bit of weed would be the limit for me

Personally, I'd probably prefer ecstacy over weed, if they are using weed with any regularity at all. It seems to sap all motivation.

Coke addicts are horrible please stay away and it isn’t twice a month

I'm a bit baffled as to why they're worse arseholes than working class people who use it every weekend

Much of a muchness, but the sheer smugness of "of it doesn't stop my multimillionaire partner from running his hugely successful business, where's the harm?" tips it over the edge for me.

I would be fine with it tbh, sounds like a casual recreational user. I don't use anything myself because of the supply chain ethics issues but I appreciate that's a side effect of prohibition and other people don't feel the same way. I would keep an eye out though because cocaine is very expensive. It's pretty addictive but the majority of recreational users do actually stay recreational without developing an issue, especially since he's got to 42 and maintained unproblematic usage. I don't necessarily think anyone should alter their patterns of recreation because of their age either, that doesn't make logical sense to me, either something is ok to do or it isn't, the harm profile of drug use isn't affected by whether it conforms to the social norm or not.

@SisterCellophane

I would be fine with it tbh, sounds like a casual recreational user. I don't use anything myself because of the supply chain ethics issues but I appreciate that's a side effect of prohibition and other people don't feel the same way. I would keep an eye out though because cocaine is very expensive. It's pretty addictive but the majority of recreational users do actually stay recreational without developing an issue, especially since he's got to 42 and maintained unproblematic usage. I don't necessarily think anyone should alter their patterns of recreation because of their age either, that doesn't make logical sense to me, either something is ok to do or it isn't, the harm profile of drug use isn't affected by whether it conforms to the social norm or not.

I entirely agree (but your view is highly heretical here, and will be most unwelcome).

It's also the people you point this out to op and then they get pissed off! 🙄

@SisterCellophane

I would be fine with it tbh, sounds like a casual recreational user. I don't use anything myself because of the supply chain ethics issues but I appreciate that's a side effect of prohibition and other people don't feel the same way. I would keep an eye out though because cocaine is very expensive. It's pretty addictive but the majority of recreational users do actually stay recreational without developing an issue, especially since he's got to 42 and maintained unproblematic usage. I don't necessarily think anyone should alter their patterns of recreation because of their age either, that doesn't make logical sense to me, either something is ok to do or it isn't, the harm profile of drug use isn't affected by whether it conforms to the social norm or not.

How on earth does she know his use in unproblematic? All she knows is what he told her.

People often have to alter patterns of recreation as they get older as unhealthy habits start to catch up on them or their body doesn't work as efficiently. It's odd that that doesn't make logical sense to you.

From this article www.today.com/health/still-crazy-some-dabble-hard-drugs-after-50-researchers-find-1C9382244

• Kertesz found those Baby Boomers and Gen Xers who continued to use hard drugs into their 50s were five times more likely to die earlier than those who didn’t.

Those early deaths weren’t necessarily from drug overdoses, but instead from the risky kinds of lives the longtime users lived, Kertesz said.*

In my experience that fits in with most drug users I know, their bodies are regularly abused! and then the rest of the time they don't really take care of themselves in a way that promotes longevity.
I do know a couple of drug users who will binge etc and have blow outs but then go through periods of intense training and really looking after their health but I wonder is that just as risky in other ways.

I remember reading something years ago about Renee Zellweggers yoyo dieting for Bridget Jones and how unhealthy it was for the body to go from one extreme to the other and how she would have been better off just staying overweight.

If you're ok with it at 42 would you be ok with it when he's pushing 50? or 60? Surely there would be a point where you think it's getting too risky?

I also think it's sad and pathetic for older people to do it as their children grow up and become teenagers and young adults, if the kids start buying drugs then they're probably buying from the same dealer, the idea is so scummy to me!! They're probably both at the same weddings/events doing the drugs..maybe in different groups hiding it from each other but it's still horrible and a terrible influence because the kids know what is going on!

I've done many a drug in my time but at that age it would be a hard no from me.

Thanks @Moser85, that article is interesting.

We are occasional users in our fifties. I didn't use at all until my thirties, and really only occasionally from then on. Depending on what drugs are being used, I think they're much more useful in middle age then youth - when I was twenty I had plenty of energy and euphoria without needing enhancement! There are plenty of people with similar usage patterns, leading otherwise dull and respectable lives - just not many on Mumsnet

Ecstasy at 42?! Bit sad that. That would be it for me too OP. You need to grow up eventually and he's clearly not there yet. Particularly if you want DC, dont waste anymore time.

I view regular drug users as a kind of racist. As it is young black men who disproportionally suffer deaths and injuries because of the trade in illegal drugs, or people in certain developing countries.

OP you are well rid.

@balalake

I view regular drug users as a kind of racist. As it is young black men who disproportionally suffer deaths and injuries because of the trade in illegal drugs, or people in certain developing countries.

OP you are well rid.

I'd never thought of it this way.

My partner has drug addictions. He's also abusive. The drugs make it worse as they make him angry, volatile, nasty and paranoid. He smoked weed when I met him and the coke has been in the last few years (I think). You can't talk sense with an addict. It's a nightmare and my life is miserable. Trying to find the strength to leave.

Why can't you leave? Why do you need to find strength? @lovelyfruit

Please read my post as I have a similar situation with family member

I've done my fair share. Cocaine use post 40? Not a chance. He's probably lying too.

I've partied in my 20s and been around drugs and consumed them on occasion.
In your forties I'd say most MC people I know are over drugs - they are too busy working and raising families.
I can see a single guy occasionally taking drugs wouldn't be a hard no, but I'd be concerned he was minimising and that lifestyle is not compatible with raiding young children (not the way I'd want to raise them anyway).
If you aren't into drugs or know about the culture I would steer clear, it's not something to start in your 40s.
There's also a horrible supply chain and it's terribly un-ethical.

Drugs and kids aren’t a good mix. Regular drug use leads to long term changes in behaviour which also isn’t great. Often the primary relationship that person has is their relationship with the drugs.

He's probably minimising his drug use to look better on paper.

I took e at 11

Arrggh fat fingers! 18-20. I was wiped out the day after. At 40 his come down is going to be horrendous in his 40's

Plus a coke head fella. No ta.

It would be a hard no from me, I’d have to end it sooner rather than later.