Drugs is an immediate dealbreaker, isn't it?

[jolliejullie]

I went on a couple of dates with a man whom I quite liked. 42, handsome, funny, smart, good job, no kids but looking for a relationship that would lead to a family. We had a great time so far, but thank God haven't slept together yet.

Today we went on our 4th date and he told me he uses drugs regularly. Cocaine once a month and ecstasy a couple of times a year.

I am so disappointed. I have to call it a day immediately, don't I? What'a the point of continuing seeing him, knowing he uses drugs and that would most likely lead to issues down the line?

I don't use any drugs, I drink a couple of glasses of wine often but that's it. I am not familiar with the world of drugs and I don't think I want to get any closer to it.

Ugh, what a disappointment. I thought this one had potential.

Immediate deal breaker.

Hard no from me.

Wouldn’t bother me at all. I stopped doing all that stuff when I settled down. Didn’t seem much point before that.

Coke that regularly would be a big red flag to me. I’d assume that given its the first time he’s told you, he’s most likely playing the useage down to gauge your response anyway. Given it seems to be something you don’t have experience with nor want to, I would say go with your gut and steer clear. Sorry you’ve wasted time and emotions OP.

It would be an absolute no from me.

I would be a deal breaker for me, but there are loads and loads of professionals who use cocaine semi regularly and it doesn’t lead to anything else. Just because someone takes cocaine doesn’t mean they’ll end up a heroine junkie in the gutter.
And I completely agree with op who said monthly cocaine would be better than regular weed.

Does he have no respect for his body? No concerns about county lines etc? No worries about the production and trading of drugs and the people sucked into that misery?

It's not just a bit of fun at a party.

@NinjaQueen

I went out with a guy who "occasionally" took cocaine.

Turned out that was all he ever wanted to do, once a month as really every weekend and it caused endless rows between us. Most miserable two years of my life!

This is exactly the problem, it's more than likely not once a month. I'd not be taking things further, trouble lies ahead.

Never taken it, but became an adult in the 80s so coke was pretty rife. I can honestly say I've never met anyone whose personality and behaviour was improved by it, quite the opposite. It seems to bring out the selfish dickhead in the best of people. He will be minimising how often he uses too, IMHO.

No couldn't put up with that even if he was Brad Pitt.

It wouldn’t bother me at all but I’m clearly in the minority!

Yes it would bother me. He is probably just testing to see how you react by saying "once a month". I highly doubt that its just once a month. Cocaine turns people selfish and empathy lackers.

Only you know if it's a deal-breaker. I would be fine with the ecstasy, but not with the coke. It makes people into selfish unreliable twats in my experience.

@FourChimneys

Does he have no respect for his body? No concerns about county lines etc? No worries about the production and trading of drugs and the people sucked into that misery?

It's not just a bit of fun at a party.

I presume you only ever purchase items that are ethically sourced and only ever eat vegan and only ever drink tap water.

Ecstasy twice a year, no big deal.

Coke, particularly in your 40's, no thanks.

Sorry, must be a spanner in the works

Ugh

No

Agree with a PP he's minimising it. Bet it's cocaine every weekend.

No from me too.

Nobody is unaware of the county lines use of vulnerable children to distribute illegal drugs.

He clearly doesn't give a shit as long as his needs are met. Selfish so not partner or father material.

Deal breaker for me.

That you’re asking on here is a bit worrying.

Of course it is. Walk away, now.

@BlindGirlMcSqueaky

The ecstasy I wouldn't mind. The cocaine I would avoid. I am experienced in the world of drugs and those are two very different beasts.

If he's willing to give up the cocaine, I'd consider it. But it's a hard drug to quit.

@BlindGirlMcSqueaky It's interesting that you say this. I've seen many posts on Mumsnet and whenever cocaine use is mentioned the following are pretty much always a problem -

Cocaine > dangerous driving, partying a lot with mates, strippers and prostitutes.

It's uncanny how many times I've seen it. Even if they don't mention strippers or prostitutes in the first post, somewhere down the line there will be a follow-up that mentions one if these. Cocaine seems to have a very particular culture attached to it.

Cocaine, no way, and once a month my arse.

It wouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker for me, but you're on a website asking people to tell you to end it so I suspect he isn't the one for you.

I agree op... a coke habit would be a deal-breaker for me. Not a chance.

I definitely don't know anyone who takes cocaine and uses strippers and prostitutes.