I’m 50. How realistic is it that I’ll meet someone?

[MasFina]

Obviously, nobody knows the answer to the question. But I’m sad and fed up with trying to meet someone nice. I’ve done a lot of online dating over the past three years - a lot! - without much success and I’m starting to think it must be me. Most people meet someone, right?! It’s usually me that pulls the plug on a conversation or taking it further - there have been opportunities but generally me that’s not interested, mainly because I just don’t meet the men I like i.e competent, articulate men who have their lives together. Good dads, divorced, with a reasonable job basically. Maybe this type stays married

I feel I should give up - but surely, how hard can it be??

I live in a regional city, have some good friends (mainly female but a couple of male friends) but don’t really do ‘hobbies’ where I’d meet someone. Work is v female orientated. Single parent to one DD age 10.

Why is it so difficult to meet someone I like? I think I’m normal but it feels hopeless!

You're not alone, I'm in my 40s and single 3 years, if you've got good standards and boundaries, all the more harder to find a decent man, I've not found one yet, the men I've come across have only wanted something casual, as in just looking to shag about. I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me! Hobbies, is unlikely unless there's plenty of single men involved, it's possible to meet through mutual friends but I've not been lucky enough yet. Now and again I try online dating but I hardly every feel drawn enough to date any of them.

Thanks iwishu. It’s hard isn’t it. I think it is a standards and boundaries thing but I still don’t know why there generally seems to be a shortage of reasonable men. One friend’s theory is that the nice/attractive/well adjusted men in their 50s can attract younger women in their 40’s, or even younger.

Where do 50yr old blokes hang out?!

I'd say stop dating and use the time doing things that you enjoy or feel are worthwhile instead. Have fun and build your confidence. Then the right person will notice you for being you and doing something you like. A lot of my friends met their partners this way. What's that saying? 'When you stop looking that's when you find it'.

Where do 50yr old blokes hang out?!

I think the pandemic hasn't helped. I'm younger than 50 (47) and a single dad, sworn off OLD because it just doesn't work for me however recently tried to join a hobby group in the hope of meeting someone naturally. Unfortunately, its had to fold for the foresseable as, despite restrictions being lifted, it seems everyone's still a wary about mixing like we used to.

Maybe the state of the world (Ukraine, standard of living plunging back into the Seventies, etc) doesn't help either. Its hard to feel upbeat with all that going on. I think many people, of both genders, want to just curl up in a blanket and retreat from the world.

I met DH when I was 49, through a hobby we both enjoyed.

I am 50. I have a marked disability and don't spend hours doing botox or makeup. I have more attention now than I ever got at 25. I have never met anyone doing OLD. I don't have an interest in that. I have always met people via work, community hobbies, out and about. I got asked out in the hospital queue this year, the security guard at my local supermarket has a bad case of love sick puppy and I was chatted up in a train station last summer. I am not a supermodel. Age is just a number and you have 4 or 5 decades left on the clock. The right person will just turn up. Smile, project confidence and feel comfortable in your own skin.

I wish I could believe that. I agree with the idea of spending time doing stuff you enjoy and generally making sure your life is nice. But to think that things happen naturally just doesn’t seem realistic to me. Maybe when you’re 25, or 30, when people seem to come in and out of your life so easily. But the parameters get narrow (I find) as you age. I don’t have enough potential openings in my life, or a big enough social circle, where someone i like could just float in by accident 🙁. Apart from bloody OLD, I don’t see how I could meet someone.

Well my Dad's next door neighbour fell in love with him after my mum died. They gradually started spending more and more time with each other until she would come round to my dad's about 11 am each day and they did the puzzles in the paper together. Then they started pooling food and making lunch together and would then go out in the afternoons. They were so good for each other She was 85 and my dad was 78. She said he was the love of her life. They were inseparable till my Dad's death when he was 86. She died in her late 90s and I became her carer for the last 2 years of her life. She was with my Dad when he died in hospital after a heart attack and I was with her most of the time when she got bowel cancer and I was with her when she died.

I am 51. A few men have shown interest in me since my divorce 5 years ago. I am not interested in romance or dating so haven't done any OLD and the like, these are men from my running club.

So, I say join a running club!
Or maybe a choir, I bet there's some lovely men there.

I have been on a few 'not dates' with one of the men whose company I enjoy, but I made it clear I wasn't looking for romance. Maybe it will develop in time, but for now it's just nice.

”Where do 50yr old blokes hang out?”

In the pub with their other newly single mates who are also going through a mid life crisis after being divorced by their peri/menopausal wives who got sick of their lazy/thoughtless/cheating ways.

Or

On OLD looking for a free, no strings shag, but that’s just the ones who are still married.

Hope that helps

My aunt was in her mid fifties when she married her husband

Married the love of my life at 60...
I looked up an old flame and found him after not seeing or hearing from him for 30 years... (grin]

Yes you can

OLD is a numbers game, you have to keep at it

Interests - politics, running, the always suggested walking group (it’s a good one though), conservation volunteering - keep trying things till you find something you enjoy and expands your circle -

I’d do both, it is hard work, but eventually it will work, just make sure you build in R and R so you don’t burn out.

Get a part time job in a pub, even just one evening a week. I am a landlady (married, over 50 and overweight) and the amount of eligible men who asked me out before I informed them I was married really surprised me. These aren't layabout piss heads, these are intelligent, articulate men who are sat at home alone after work with no way of meeting women, but who might come out once a week for a couple of pints to alleviate the boredom.

My husband says it keeps him on his toes knowing how many customers are waiting to take his place should I bin him!

It’s usually me that pulls the plug on a conversation

but generally me that’s not interested

Do you actually WANT to be in a relationship or do you just feel that way due to societal expectations?

I'm 50 this year I've been (to all intents and purposes) single for almost 20 years, I struggled at first as I THOUGHT I needed to "move on" from my ex and to "prove" that meant getting into another serious relationship...even though I wasn't meeting anyone I was that interested in!

It was a younger...but more confident friend who asked me that same question when I went through a similar phase except no OLD involved, no shortage of offers just not from anyone that I was interested in.

"Do you REALLY want to be in a relationship? Cos you SAY you do but then when you get the opportunity you avoid it"

And when I thought about it...i realised I didn't really!

I like dating on occasion I like good sex (but there are ways to get that without dating as such) I like spending time with certain people (I'm bi which I also came to admit to myself once I took a step back from everything)

But I also very much like being single, living alone and not having to compromise.

I'm on another thread at the moment celebrating the joys of single womanhood. And there are many!

Even if you ultimately decide you do want a relationship with a man, I would agree there are very few decent ones out there and the ones that are of course get snapped up quickly and hung onto!

In the pub with their other newly single mates who are also going through a mid life crisis after being divorced by their peri/menopausal wives who got sick of their lazy/thoughtless/cheating ways.

Or

On OLD looking for a free, no strings shag, but that’s just the ones who are still married.

Unfortunately pretty accurate! And not just with men! The amount of women who've approached me who are in committed relationships with either men or other women is bonkers. The ones married to men often try and convince themselves "it's not really cheating" 🙄

It's tough out there!

@FurryBandito Thank you for that lovely story. I'm glad your dad found happiness again, and you were wonderful like a daughter to his dear friend.

Yes, met a lovely man aged 51 and it's going really well. I had a year - ok two years - of casual sex and I think that helped me relax about men - I was up for sex with almost anybody and because I threw out all my preconceptions I met some brilliant people, many of whom also had enormous drawbacks that would previously have put me off, and had a great time. I stopped putting so much weight on it all - I'd never dated before without wanting a serious outcome.

I wouldn't join a choir - men are few and far between in that world. A political group or party, or a sport club for something you've always wanted to do of some kind.

I joined a paid OLD site, which kept out the riff raff. I only spoke to people who spoke to me first, I was totally honest about who and what I am and what I’m looking for, and got chatting to about half a dozen perfectly nice eligible men. I had a few criteria, they had to have been married and they had to have had kids I think. I went on dates with two people and am still with the second one, and am very very happy.

I firmly believe that you have to kiss them to see if there’s chemistry. Not a sterile kiss on the cheek, a full on waist pulling deep snog. THEN you know. When I kissed my chap (in a carpark! Nice!) I knew that if I didn’t get my hands on him, I would surely die.

We are both in our 50s BTW.

@Shuffleuplove
joined a paid OLD site, which kept out the riff raff
I thought the same thing, paid to join Match but honestly not having much luck, and still get the ONS/looking for sex not relationship messages. I’ve found POF (free site) better even just for sheer volume of messages/likes etc. And lots of people seem to be looking for a real partner too. Can I ask you - which paid site did you join please?

the nice/attractive/well adjusted men in their 50s can attract younger women in their 40’s, or even younger

• definitely agree with this. And the good-looking ones are usually very aware of how attractive they are and put a younger age limit on their OLD profiles… so at least I don’t get my hopes up!

@scoobydoo1971 and @FurryBandito
thank you for sharing your positivity and encouraging experiences

It's just chance, but you need to be a bit forward too. I met dp on a paid old site - his situation mirrored mine. I was feeling like you the day before, that there was nobody, all the men had issues ... then his profile popped up. He was only on old 3 weeks, men are definitely hot property! I did try tinder but the only men that came up were the dads of my DD's friends, so no.

I think asking the question 'do I really want a relationship or is that just expected of me' is a really good point.
I'm in my 50s and have been single for 15 years. Genuinely couldn't be happier. Single life is brilliant!
Occasionally I think 'should I be looking for someone?' but soon realise all the ways I'd have to compromise my life and it's frankly not worth it.
Good luck though OP.

I'm 50 this year and the pressure from my adult kids and family to date is constant. I've been on literally hundreds of dates but always find a fault in the man.... stray nostril hair...... small hands...... ugly shoes... ! Basically it's my issue and I push them all away. I think this is because the rest of my life is so full and I'm happy, so am just going on dates because it's kind of expected !

I met my husband when I was 50. We were introduced by a female friend I had met at the gym where he was also a member. We got married when I was 52 and he was 46.