I’m 50. How realistic is it that I’ll meet someone?

[MasFina]

Obviously, nobody knows the answer to the question. But I’m sad and fed up with trying to meet someone nice. I’ve done a lot of online dating over the past three years - a lot! - without much success and I’m starting to think it must be me. Most people meet someone, right?! It’s usually me that pulls the plug on a conversation or taking it further - there have been opportunities but generally me that’s not interested, mainly because I just don’t meet the men I like i.e competent, articulate men who have their lives together. Good dads, divorced, with a reasonable job basically. Maybe this type stays married

I feel I should give up - but surely, how hard can it be??

I live in a regional city, have some good friends (mainly female but a couple of male friends) but don’t really do ‘hobbies’ where I’d meet someone. Work is v female orientated. Single parent to one DD age 10.

Why is it so difficult to meet someone I like? I think I’m normal but it feels hopeless!

Once again Op I’d stress that although a lot of men think like above , there are decent ones … possibly fewer on dating sites than in other arenas so I’d say the advice to go out and enjoy various activities without concerning yourself too much about men is the strongest here

[quote Littlebylittlelittle]@CaptainMyCaptain no there’s nothing bitter about stating that the actual research shows that most men find 22 year olds most desirable
Oh course, most older men don’t have a chance In hell of getting a 22 yr old
What makes you think that people actually quoting Well researched facts about the difference between men and womens orefernces is somehow ‘bitter ‘
And also , you do realise that bitter is a word seldom used for men and bandied around by puckmeshas ( not saying you are one of course) towards women who have their eyes open and don’t think the examples of who men are actually dating means anything about who men would actually date given the opportunity

‘Christian Rudder, co-founder of OKCupid, wrote an article on Jezebel that delves into the dating site’s data “built from tens of millions of preferences expressed in the act of finding a date.” The data reveals some pretty depressing results about what men are looking for in women.

Women prefer someone roughly around their own age. Before 30, they’re looking for slightly older men; once they hit 30, they are interested in someone slightly younger. Throughout her forties, a woman is most attracted to men at right around the age of 40. “If we want to pick the point where a man’s sexual appeal has reached its limit, it’s there: 40,” Rudder notes. Yikes.

But even more yikes? All men, from those in their twenties to those who are fifty, want to date a woman in her early twenties. The most commonly chosen ages are 20-23. ‘[/quote]
I am only talking about my own experience and that of the people I know. I'm 67 and don't know any older men with 22 year old partners. The one I mentioned earlier (man in large 50s/woman early 30s) she was seriously ill and he was her carer.

I'm not going to argue with your statistics.

late 50s not large

@CaptainMyCaptain

Yes I totally get that your personal experience is different and like I said more than once there ARE decent guys who are not like that .

And btw they are not MY stats they are just stats .

I don’t think it’s appropriate calling women bitter because they have experienced these guys when there are clearly enough of them .
The trick is avoiding wasting one’s time sifting through these guys who may talk to a woman close in age but then if a younger women Answers - bam their gone. It seems the sites are heavy in this type , which is why I think so many people are giving the advice that joining activities is more likely tolead to better outcomes

Also your assuming that not knowing any men of 57 with 22yr olds is because of choices the men make but how about the women . They get to choose too
I hat about millionaire and celebrity men who do they tend to choose ?

The OP asked how realistic it was to meet someone when you are over 50. My response is that I did and so have and several of my friends.

You clearly have a different agenda and I'm not interested in arguing about it.

@CaptainMyCaptain

The OP asked how realistic it was to meet someone when you are over 50. My response is that I did and so have and several of my friends.

You clearly have a different agenda and I'm not interested in arguing about it.

My agenda is to share that experiences VARY and women shouldn’t be called bitter and labelled.

Your correct nothing more for you and I to discuss . You clearly didn’t like being pulled up on insulting women for having opinions .

And yes it’s very realistic as I’ve said all along . Maybe just not so much in dating sites where these men are !
I personally know two women in their 50s getting married . I’m happy for them . Doesn’t change anything about the fact dating sites seem to have a disproportionate number of men behaving as the stats show

I think the problems start when your only interests in life are finding another bloke. It causes far too much emphasis to be on the ones you meet and assessing them as long term relationship material rather than having an enjoyable life and finding someone that fits within it —

When I was 22, anyone older than 27 was eeeewwwwww romantically.

So 50yr old men can "imagine" all they like just no!

@frozendaisy

When I was 22, anyone older than 27 was eeeewwwwww romantically.

So 50yr old men can "imagine" all they like just no!

This is so true.

Unfortunately because these men can't get a 22 year old they feel like a woman their age is a massive compromise and they are doing you a favour.

Honestly, let's let these wankers die alone.

I only date within a few years and I refuse to lie about my DOB on any dating app profile to try and get in front of the men who only date much younger than them.
I've met some lovely (just not right for each other) guys my age on dating apps - they exist - you have to maintain your standard though and keep well away from the pond scum on the apps

@frozendaisy

When I was 22, anyone older than 27 was eeeewwwwww romantically.

So 50yr old men can "imagine" all they like just no!

Yes, a few years older might have been/be acceptable but not much more. Same with my friends.
The 40 and 50 year old men might find a 20 year old most attractive but that attraction is not likely (with some exceptions) to be reciprocated.

I agree with so much written here. Yes, OLD is very hard work but no doubt it works for many, lots of my good friends have met this way.

Ideally, I’d like to meet someone ‘naturally’, in real life, and obviously the more effort you make socially, the more likely that is to happen. Lots of very sensible advice on this up thread.

I probably need to do more to make this happen, but am slightly restricted due to being a LP and working full time. I think too that I’m a bit jaded post-Covid. Can I really be arsed to go and play badminton/ run 10k/sing/deliver leaflets for the Green Party or whatever it might be, after work, even if I’m (in theory) interested in the pastime?! Not sure….
I have a slight disinclination to get embroiled in things (I know I’m not helping myself here!) and fear getting trapped with a load of old bores week after week, having committed myself...

I am obviously far too cynical now to be coupled up with anyone….

Good to read the heartwarming stories on the thread. Bloodywhittecat so sorry to hear

[quote Littlebylittlelittle]@dumdumduuuummmmm

Also the poster advised her on men more than ten years her senior . She’s only 50!!!!
Most 50 year old men I know are chasing ( or at least wish for ) 35 year old women and won’t even consider women their own age[/quote]
How many 50yr old men do you know who are chasing younger women? This doesn't fit my experience at all.

@Littlebylittlelittle that survey, and the stats it produced, were created by the users of okcupid, so a select group and not reflective of all men. Men online dating turn out to be optimistic fools? That's not exactly shocking. This optimism might be the very good reason they are still single.😆.

When I was 43 I dated a man of 57. He was mocked mercilessly by his peers, and despite my having the financial advantage, I was viewed with suspicion. Believe me, there are men out there who aren't looking to sexually disappoint a 23 year old, and really want a good friend as well as a cuddle.

But these men, predominantly, aren't on free or cheap dating sites. Due to all the same assumptions and shame etc, as we share.

@FurryBandito

Well my Dad's next door neighbour fell in love with him after my mum died. They gradually started spending more and more time with each other until she would come round to my dad's about 11 am each day and they did the puzzles in the paper together. Then they started pooling food and making lunch together and would then go out in the afternoons. They were so good for each other She was 85 and my dad was 78. She said he was the love of her life. They were inseparable till my Dad's death when he was 86. She died in her late 90s and I became her carer for the last 2 years of her life. She was with my Dad when he died in hospital after a heart attack and I was with her most of the time when she got bowel cancer and I was with her when she died.

Such a touching story. They were lucky to have each other. You sound lovely too.

@bloodywhitecat

I met the love of my life on Tinder at the age of 54, I swiped right when I meant to swipe left as he had no bio written up and that had been a rule of mine. No matter how attracted to the person I was they had to have a few lines about themselves and what they were looking for and DH didn't have that. I am now very glad that as soon as I swiped I got a message from him and we started chatting. We married last May and were very, very happy together.

Awwwww

SophieHasOneQuestion.
They were so lucky I agree. It was lovely to see how they kept each other company and looked after each other. Her husband had died in his 60s so she had been on her own for many years when she got together with my Dad.

@MasFina. I do see your point on this too by the way—

@frozendaisy

When I was 22, anyone older than 27 was eeeewwwwww romantically.

So 50yr old men can "imagine" all they like just no!

So so true.

@Graphista can you please link the joy's of single womanhood thread or tell me what section it's under?

@Jonny1265
‘How many 50yr old men do you know who are chasing younger women? This doesn't fit my experience at all.’

Actually quite a few and I also know several women who were dumped either during the dating stage it later because the man had an opportunity with a younger woman
Like I said men when men are ABLE to attract and to choose younger women they often do , think celebrities and millionaires but that doesn’t mean the average Jor had a chance
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[quote papper]@Littlebylittlelittle that survey, and the stats it produced, were created by the users of okcupid, so a select group and not reflective of all men. Men online dating turn out to be optimistic fools? That's not exactly shocking. This optimism might be the very good reason they are still single.😆.

When I was 43 I dated a man of 57. He was mocked mercilessly by his peers, and despite my having the financial advantage, I was viewed with suspicion. Believe me, there are men out there who aren't looking to sexually disappoint a 23 year old, and really want a good friend as well as a cuddle.

But these men, predominantly, aren't on free or cheap dating sites. Due to all the same assumptions and shame etc, as we share. [/quote]
Yes agree . You are pretty much daying what I did
There was a poster who seemed to think that the fact she didn’t know any older men with younger women was proof that men didn’t want younger women
It seemed she hadn’t considered that it may actually be the younger women who didn’t want them and that yes men are optimistic fools- especially on dating sites

@MasFina

You sound grounded and like a lovely person . I get what you’re saying about getting trapped in boring activities but you can always switch out if you don’t like them .
There’s plenty of stories here about people meeting in their 50s or older so it’s definatrly not uncommon

[quote Littlebylittlelittle]@dumdumduuuummmmm

Also the poster advised her on men more than ten years her senior . She’s only 50!!!!
Most 50 year old men I know are chasing ( or at least wish for ) 35 year old women and won’t even consider women their own age[/quote]
If 50 year old men are chasing 35 year olds then look at 60 year old men. I know many very hot and fit 60 year old men!

@dumdumduuuummmmm

Lol I don’t personally know one fit it got 69yr old man …
And actually the men I know looking for are not just 59s they range over 40 right up
You seem to be missing the point .
The stats show that men ( on the dating sites study ) regardless of whether they are 40, 50. 69 79 or 89 find 22 yr old females most attractive
Sure , they likely are not going to be able to get those young women but many women don’t want to be with a man who thinks like that !