I’m 50. How realistic is it that I’ll meet someone?

[MasFina]

Obviously, nobody knows the answer to the question. But I’m sad and fed up with trying to meet someone nice. I’ve done a lot of online dating over the past three years - a lot! - without much success and I’m starting to think it must be me. Most people meet someone, right?! It’s usually me that pulls the plug on a conversation or taking it further - there have been opportunities but generally me that’s not interested, mainly because I just don’t meet the men I like i.e competent, articulate men who have their lives together. Good dads, divorced, with a reasonable job basically. Maybe this type stays married

I feel I should give up - but surely, how hard can it be??

I live in a regional city, have some good friends (mainly female but a couple of male friends) but don’t really do ‘hobbies’ where I’d meet someone. Work is v female orientated. Single parent to one DD age 10.

Why is it so difficult to meet someone I like? I think I’m normal but it feels hopeless!

@dumdumduuuummmmm

Also why should 50yr old women have to go out with men ten years older rather than look for quality men their own age who don’t think like that ?

Oops the 9s should be 0s . Meant to say I don’t personally know one guy and hot man in their 60s. That’s not to say they don’t exist but to be silly and imply 60yr old men are any different to 50yr old men in date sites is exactly the opposite of what the stats said .

I think maybe concentrate on not meeting someone and justing having a fantastic life with you and your DD? Seriously you don't have to spend much time on this board to realise how many relationships just make people miserable. I'm single now in my 40s after divorce and can't understand now why I wasted so my time in my twenties trying to find a relationship and then stuck in a shit one. There is nothing better than being single and independent. Enjoy it. Don't waste time dating losers from OLDl!!

[quote Littlebylittlelittle]@dumdumduuuummmmm

Lol I don’t personally know one fit it got 69yr old man …
And actually the men I know looking for are not just 59s they range over 40 right up
You seem to be missing the point .
The stats show that men ( on the dating sites study ) regardless of whether they are 40, 50. 69 79 or 89 find 22 yr old females most attractive
Sure , they likely are not going to be able to get those young women but many women don’t want to be with a man who thinks like that ![/quote]
I’m not going to argue with the stats, however it is worth mentioning the same stats also show that women (on OKCupid) regardless of whether they are 40, 49, 69, 79 or 89 find men younger than 40 most attractive.

To be fair, in the OKCupid women’s case it’s an expectation that’s likely much more realistic! Even so, I’d hate to judge these women as people decent men would reject because they “think like that” too.

Yes *bad kitty there is sense in what you say. Nothing worse than being in a shitty damaging relationship. I was married for the best part of 15 years and the fear of picking the wrong bloke (as I think I did) resonates strongly.

But - there is something wonderful about a shared partnership, intimacy, planning things with someone you like and trust. I miss that. I think I could offer that to someone. I just wish I could meet the right person.

@TossaCointoYerWitcha

‘ I’m not going to argue with the stats, however it is worth mentioning the same stats also show that women (on OKCupid) regardless of whether they are 40, 49, 69, 79 or 89 find men younger than 40 most attractive.

To be fair, in the OKCupid women’s case it’s an expectation that’s likely much more realistic! Even so, I’d hate to judge these women as people decent men would reject because they “think like that” too.’

Please show us where it says women find men UNDER the age of 40 most attractive
The stories I’ve read say and I quote
‘ men AROUND the age of 40 ‘
Which is a far cry from 22
I’ll wait to see your research that shows all these women wanting 32 year olds lol

@TossaCointoYerWitcha

Only a man could try and make a comparison between women finding men around 40 most attractive to men 22 yr olds most attractive - ad if they are even close

I met DH when I was 54on OLD . DH was 58 . We understand each other. We’re each far from perfect but our strengths and weaknesses seem to balance out .we married within 2 years coming up 5 years ago . I joined OLD at 50 and literally must have gone on a 100 dates , a friend told me it was a numbers game , just get out there and date !! I married at19 to my first boyfriend (🤦‍♀️ As you did back in the dark ages ) so had never done the date thing ! I found OLD a very positive experience. I used match and harmony alternating. With in that time I had a few relationships that could have led to commitment but I looked at them with hard eyes and knew there were compromises that I wasn’t willing to make . I looked at it like you either met a nice person and had a lovely evening or you had fodder for funny stories! Be honest with yourself what your looking for and know your worth . 🥂

The problem for the Op is her age plus DC age. Her age means she is looking at the 45 -55 group. However most guys 45+ are not looking to take on a 10 year old DC.

I’m 50 this month and feel I will be alone forever. I ended my marriage (23 years) due to age gap and lack of affection/support. I hadn’t been able to go near him for over a decade so lived in a sexless marriage. Menopause made me wake up tbh. I realised the way I was living and knew I was an attractive woman. Men at work tell me all the time! I have tried OLD for a month (paid on Bumble and Match) and it’s dire!! I think I’m going to come off. I am incognito on both and the nicer ones don’t reply! I give up with that so feeling pretty down that I’m still alone on the sofa in the evenings and often cry myself to sleep. I can’t go back to a fake marriage.

Ladies who have used OLD - did you go incognito or just let everyone see you?

PS. Was very inexperienced and quiet when I married. Totally realise how I ended up like this!

I don't really know what you mean NorthGirlie. I didn't put my real name on the sites but did use pictures?

By all means don't do OLD if it makes you miserable. You don't have to do any of this. Sounds like the prospects at work are better!

@badkitty

I think maybe concentrate on not meeting someone and justing having a fantastic life with you and your DD? Seriously you don't have to spend much time on this board to realise how many relationships just make people miserable. I'm single now in my 40s after divorce and can't understand now why I wasted so my time in my twenties trying to find a relationship and then stuck in a shit one. There is nothing better than being single and independent. Enjoy it. Don't waste time dating losers from OLDl!!

@badkitty

There is a lot of societal pressure to partner up quickly/cohabit/marry/have children. Also, the financial pressures make people partner up quickly too in a lot of cases as many are unable to afford properties on their own/go down the solo parenting route by themselves.

@MasFina

Thanks iwishu. It’s hard isn’t it. I think it is a standards and boundaries thing but I still don’t know why there generally seems to be a shortage of reasonable men. One friend’s theory is that the nice/attractive/well adjusted men in their 50s can attract younger women in their 40’s, or even younger.

Where do 50yr old blokes hang out?!

I have not observed any men in their 50s/60s willing to date in their age range. They always go younger. It's quite frustrating.

@mumsthesentence

Don't go searching, when the times right these good men will come to you. It's the way the world works. Stay strong!

Sorry but that kind of shite is never helpful

OP I'm a little older than you and I've just given up. I haven't had any - and I mean any- romantic or sexual interest from a man for 15 years

I can't even find a FWB

So I've concentrated on living life to the full. I do so many activities

Still no interact from men, but I'm happier as I do things I enjoy

@PermanentTemporary
Both Bumble and Match allow you to join up but (if paying) you can go incognito so I can’t be seen by men searching on the sites but I can see, and like/message them. If I swipe right they can see me and can choose to ignore or like back or message.

I divorced at 40. Met a man through my sister for 8 yrs. then met a man OLD for a few months. Now I'm with a man I met through a friend (via Facebook) and hopefully we will be together forever. We are moving in together later this year.

Oh ok. No, when I date I'm visible! Tbh my bf now is about the only one I made much of a first move on. We were on Ourtime which is an off shoot of Match I think for the over 50s. He popped up on my feed, I noticed his smile, read his profile which was cheerful and clearly at the same life stage as me (he's 55, I was 50) 'liked' it, and he looked at mine and messaged me. We exchanged a couple of messages, had three video calls and a really good first date. That was 18 months ago. I was looking for someone with zero drama and I have that but a lot more. Our current plan is to stay living apart but to move to houses closer together when the time is right. I absolutely love having my own space and my own mildly chaotic approach to life but meeting at weekends for 24 hours hot sex to do fun things and trips. He has interests i don't share but we share big interests that we do together.

I would say, if you're on the sites, make yourself visible. But I would say that.

@PermanentTemporary

Oh ok. No, when I date I'm visible! Tbh my bf now is about the only one I made much of a first move on. We were on Ourtime which is an off shoot of Match I think for the over 50s. He popped up on my feed, I noticed his smile, read his profile which was cheerful and clearly at the same life stage as me (he's 55, I was 50) 'liked' it, and he looked at mine and messaged me. We exchanged a couple of messages, had three video calls and a really good first date. That was 18 months ago. I was looking for someone with zero drama and I have that but a lot more. Our current plan is to stay living apart but to move to houses closer together when the time is right. I absolutely love having my own space and my own mildly chaotic approach to life but meeting at weekends for 24 hours hot sex to do fun things and trips. He has interests i don't share but we share big interests that we do together.

I would say, if you're on the sites, make yourself visible. But I would say that.

@PermanentTemporary

Totally off topic just curious are you on HRT? Or is your libido 'natural'? I picked up your reference to 'hot sex' in your response to Op

@DrMorbius

The problem for the Op is her age plus DC age. Her age means she is looking at the 45 -55 group. However most guys 45+ are not looking to take on a 10 year old DC.

Unfortunately I would agree with, I’m 52 and have just started someone in her early 50’s, who has an almost adult child, but a 10yr old would be a very different dynamic

Re libido - i had a not very exciting sex drive in my marriage, though I noticed it picking up slightly in recent years which I think was much more about not needing contraception any more (dh had a vasectomy) and ds having more sleepovers away from the house than it was about perimenopause. But then I was widowed, and my libido hit the roof. Extreme emotion does that. Now I'm in a new relationship and its all still pretty hot. Give it a few years and it will settle down again.

My sister is older and in menopause. Her sex drive died completely which she ascribed to hormones and assumed was all over. Post divorce and with a new lover, she informs me her sex drive has picked back up again. Hormones do matter, we are both huge fans of lube, but we are more complex than our hormone levels.

The stats show that men ( on the dating sites study ) regardless of whether they are 40, 50. 69 79 or 89 find 22 yr old females most attractive
^ this is true but also misleading, this statement was a headline in the Meto, the article in question goes to state

The findings show that despite older men finding much younger women extremely attractive, they were highly unlikely to actually message any of them on an online dating site.
Men will most often message women actually closer to their own age.

The figures suggest that there is a clear distinction between physical, sexual desire, and the connection men crave from actually interacting with a woman who has a similar level of maturity.

metro.co.uk/2019/02/22/men-regardless-age-will-always-attracted-women-early-20s-8718590/

"The findings show that despite older men finding much younger women extremely attractive, they were highly unlikely to actually message any of them on an online dating site.
Men will most often message women actually closer to their own age."

I should hope not. Probably most of them are being pragmatic as realistically they're going to be rebuffed. Nothing wrong with an age gap, but being approached by much older men, closer to my dad's age, was never appealing.

@PermanentTemporary

Re libido - i had a not very exciting sex drive in my marriage, though I noticed it picking up slightly in recent years which I think was much more about not needing contraception any more (dh had a vasectomy) and ds having more sleepovers away from the house than it was about perimenopause. But then I was widowed, and my libido hit the roof. Extreme emotion does that. Now I'm in a new relationship and its all still pretty hot. Give it a few years and it will settle down again.

My sister is older and in menopause. Her sex drive died completely which she ascribed to hormones and assumed was all over. Post divorce and with a new lover, she informs me her sex drive has picked back up again. Hormones do matter, we are both huge fans of lube, but we are more complex than our hormone levels.

Thank you for sharing @PermanentTemporary, really insightful