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Original poster

I’m 50. How realistic is it that I’ll meet someone?

182 replies

MasFina · 09/03/2022 21:43

Obviously, nobody knows the answer to the question. But I’m sad and fed up with trying to meet someone nice. I’ve done a lot of online dating over the past three years - a lot! - without much success and I’m starting to think it must be me. Most people meet someone, right?! It’s usually me that pulls the plug on a conversation or taking it further - there have been opportunities but generally me that’s not interested, mainly because I just don’t meet the men I like i.e competent, articulate men who have their lives together. Good dads, divorced, with a reasonable job basically. Maybe this type stays married Hmm

I feel I should give up - but surely, how hard can it be??

I live in a regional city, have some good friends (mainly female but a couple of male friends) but don’t really do ‘hobbies’ where I’d meet someone. Work is v female orientated. Single parent to one DD age 10.

Why is it so difficult to meet someone I like? I think I’m normal but it feels hopeless!

OP posts:
Moonface123 · 10/03/2022 09:04

Maybe drop the pressure of finding someone.
The start of a relationship can be fun and exciting but it can also become tired quite quickly. My Aunt was widowed in her 50's, she panicked about being alone forever then ended up in a relationship where she basically became his full time care for years after, , it was a dull and miserable experiance.
l am in my early 50' s and have stopped wasting time trying to find someone, it is very freeing. l dont feel as though l am lacking. Alot of the men on OLD are on there because they didnt make very good partners or Dads and their exs are glad to be rid of them, last thing you want is to be stuck with someone like that.
My advice would be stop trying so hard to meet someone, both of my previous long term partner/ husband came into my life effortlessly. Whats meant to be will be, in the meantime love the hell out of your freedom, one day you might miss it.

Whydidimarryhim · 10/03/2022 09:09

Gogohm which paid site was it. I’m happy to pay if it weeds out the dross!!!

BluesCluesToo · 10/03/2022 09:09

My MIL met her husband when she was 70, and they've been married for 8 years now. They met when she had employed him to do some gardening for her. Do you need any jobs doing in your garden OP?!

Ragwort · 10/03/2022 09:15

I echo what people say about meeting someone 'naturally' rather than OLD, you say you don't have many hobbies or interests so maybe now is the time to find things you enjoy doing rather than hoping a romantic relationship will fulfill your needs? I am older than you and honestly the happiest people I know are single women with a wide range of interests.

Having said that one of my friends (late 60s) met a charming man through the rambling club - she wasn't looking for a boyfriend but they met and are very happy together.

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/03/2022 09:31

A friend of mine moved into a bungalow aged 60. She said she was finished with men but has been married to her next door neighbour for several years.

mumsthesentence · 10/03/2022 09:33

Don't go searching, when the times right these good men will come to you. It's the way the world works. Stay strong!

DameHelena · 10/03/2022 09:36

I'm a little younger but have a group of friends of 50+. A lot of them seem to meet dates/partners quite organically through friends, a couple have met people at more structured things like an organised '50+ meet-up' event one of my friends organised.
I think meeting through social groups is basically the key. I'd think you're more likely to meet people who are nice/normal/compatible if they're already known to people who are your friends.

beguilingeyes · 10/03/2022 09:39

I met my husband at 50 too. Admittedly it was at work..I'd just started a new job. I asked him out and we got married when I was 54.
We've been together for ten years now.

lemongreentea · 10/03/2022 10:02

@FurryBandito

Well my Dad's next door neighbour fell in love with him after my mum died. They gradually started spending more and more time with each other until she would come round to my dad's about 11 am each day and they did the puzzles in the paper together. Then they started pooling food and making lunch together and would then go out in the afternoons. They were so good for each other She was 85 and my dad was 78. She said he was the love of her life. They were inseparable till my Dad's death when he was 86. She died in her late 90s and I became her carer for the last 2 years of her life. She was with my Dad when he died in hospital after a heart attack and I was with her most of the time when she got bowel cancer and I was with her when she died.
Flowers
Porfre · 10/03/2022 10:33

One thing I'd be careful about is, a lot of men over 60 are just looking for someone to be there carer in their older days.

Crikeyalmighty · 10/03/2022 10:35

I would also think seriously whether you want a relationship or some nice short term ‘flings’ — a great many men in their late 40s and 50s are single/divorced for reasons that may appall you , but aren’t initially obvious and these can indeed be intelligent solvent , singles or divorced decent looking men— a sample among my friends of professional ex partners would reveal one using hookers, one who was on illicit encounters, one with huge anger management problems, porn addictions, emotional and physical affairs and ones who avoided any type of domestic work at all, a bad gambler , workaholics,— I’m not saying that women are all paragons of virtue but it’s men we are talking about here. Actually some of the nicest and most loyal family men I know are not actually solvent professionals. I think if you go into it with looking for some fun dates, rather than anything long term and meaningful then it’s the best way to look at it in this age range. If anything comes of it then great, if nothing does then you’ve lost nothing— it’s not as if you are looking at potential fathers for further children.

mysweetlemonpie · 10/03/2022 10:53

I'm knocking on 50 - I'm sad I've never met a great love and it's a struggle watching all my couples up friends getting a lot of benefit from being in a couple where as I have to do everything alone (pay the mortgage, DIY, cooking and eating, no holidays/short breaks as I don't want to go alone etc).

BUT it's also wonderful being single, I've only got myself to please and I'm captain of my own ship. (I had a long shit marriage but sadly no children).
I go on occasional nice dates with nice guys, but I'm very reluctant to embark on a relationship if I'm honest, I'd love to have a crystal ball and know if I'm going to be alone forever, I'd hope not, but I have made my peace that I probably will be.

ValerieCupcake · 10/03/2022 11:27

My friend's mum died of covid last year. His dad who is 75 has just started a relationship. With his wife's widowed best friend! So it is possible at any age. Helps though that they knew each other already I guess. That they weren't going on OLD!

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/03/2022 12:18

@Porfre

One thing I'd be careful about is, a lot of men over 60 are just looking for someone to be there carer in their older days.
How do you know this? It could equally apply that they would end up as the carer.
mysweetlemonpie · 10/03/2022 12:32

@ValerieCupcake

My friend's mum died of covid last year. His dad who is 75 has just started a relationship. With his wife's widowed best friend! So it is possible at any age. Helps though that they knew each other already I guess. That they weren't going on OLD!
This story is so common for older men to hook up with their deceased wife's friends before her body's cold. I find it really disrespectful, and really upsetting for any children/siblings/grandchildren.
Kirst26 · 10/03/2022 12:40

My Dad was 60 when he met his current partner online. She was in her 50's and they have been together 10 years now and are still besotted with each other.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/03/2022 12:44

I think it depends on your past relationship history. If you have a history of successful long term relationships throughout your adult life, then the likelihood is that you will find that again.

If you have spent most of your adult life single then it is less likely, although certainly not impossible.

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/03/2022 12:46

This story is so common for older men to hook up with their deceased wife's friends before her body's cold.
I find it really disrespectful, and really upsetting for any children/siblings/grandchildren.

Not at all. It's because they already know, like and trust them not because they were lusting after them all along. A female friend of mine married someone they already new when her husband died.

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/03/2022 12:47

knew not new

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/03/2022 12:48

A friend of mine moved into a bungalow aged 60. She said she was finished with men but has been married to her next door neighbour for several years.

Oh yes, this reminds me of my former manager. She SWORE she was done with men for life, took early retirement, moved to a flat, and then six months later informed us that she was marrying the guy next door! Still happy 10 years later.

minmooch · 10/03/2022 12:55

I was 50, twice divorced and swore I was done with men. Was happy to be on my own. Had done OLD, some nice dates, a couple short relationships.

Decided I was done and then went and met my current DP in my local pub. Still very happy and living together 5 years later.

It can happen unexpectedly. I know however I would have been happy on my own. I think that's key to a good relationship.

Ted27 · 10/03/2022 12:58

@scoobydoo1971

How many of those men are really potential dates or future partners

I'm 56, short, fat , no oil painting . I'm long term single, happy, not looking.
I fall into conversations with men in all sorts of random places. For a variety of reasons none would be potential dates.

FurPunt · 10/03/2022 12:58

Your cautionary points about men in the older age bracket V v true Crikey!! No matter how plausible on the outside. So well worth it to proceed with care ….

Cremeeggseasonx · 10/03/2022 13:04

Online dating is not the way forward. It's horrible. You are instantly in competition but also you are trying to sell yourself (as in your personality etc) we all know that back in the day you found someone attractive and you wanted to know that person. They caught your eye. You went on dates. They wanted to throw effort into getting the person that they bonded with at the party or at work or at the pub. But now it's like a catalogue online and people pick people out in shallow ways. Plus there's just so many multiple daters and liars. It's such a grim way of meeting a person.

My boyfriends 48 and met me whilst working for my neighbour. I'm 15 years younger than him.

I think If you are confident you should concentrate on going out. Joining clubs. Going for walks. Going to places naturally and trying to naturally find q comfortable spark.

Musttryharder2021 · 10/03/2022 13:12

@DatingDinosaur

”Where do 50yr old blokes hang out?”

In the pub with their other newly single mates who are also going through a mid life crisis after being divorced by their peri/menopausal wives who got sick of their lazy/thoughtless/cheating ways.

Or

On OLD looking for a free, no strings shag, but that’s just the ones who are still married.

Hope that helps Flowers

Grin

This ^