I’m 50. How realistic is it that I’ll meet someone?

[MasFina]

Obviously, nobody knows the answer to the question. But I’m sad and fed up with trying to meet someone nice. I’ve done a lot of online dating over the past three years - a lot! - without much success and I’m starting to think it must be me. Most people meet someone, right?! It’s usually me that pulls the plug on a conversation or taking it further - there have been opportunities but generally me that’s not interested, mainly because I just don’t meet the men I like i.e competent, articulate men who have their lives together. Good dads, divorced, with a reasonable job basically. Maybe this type stays married

I feel I should give up - but surely, how hard can it be??

I live in a regional city, have some good friends (mainly female but a couple of male friends) but don’t really do ‘hobbies’ where I’d meet someone. Work is v female orientated. Single parent to one DD age 10.

Why is it so difficult to meet someone I like? I think I’m normal but it feels hopeless!

I’m not getting anywhere with OLD. Such a complete waste of money

@NorthGirlie

I’m not getting anywhere with OLD. Such a complete waste of money

It's not worth paying. I find the free sites just as good/useless🤣 as the paid ones. Bumble, Tinder, Facebook dating have just the same response rate as the others.

I can’t see who likes me on Bumble unless I pay

@NorthGirlie

I can’t see who likes me on Bumble unless I pay

Look at the blurred image and then set your distance and age to the upper limit and the people who have liked you will be the first few selections. You can usually make them out by outline/colour.

Never give up I met my partner at 49. We've been together 6 years and we work very well together.

Hi
13 years ago I started to date my now wife
I was 50 she was 55
The last 13 years has been my happiest time in my life ( she tells me the same)
Totally possible

@Porfre

One thing I'd be careful about is, a lot of men over 60 are just looking for someone to be there carer in their older days.

I would this completely wrong, Dementia affects twice as many women as men, and its just as likely for older men to become carers

@Marineboy67

Never give up I met my partner at 49. We've been together 6 years and we work very well together.

Ahhh, nice to hear that

@Freddy12

Hi 13 years ago I started to date my now wife I was 50 she was 55 The last 13 years has been my happiest time in my life ( she tells me the same) Totally possible

That sounds so wonderful! Inspiring too!!

So nice to hear some positive stories. Another single 50yr old...

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

"One thing I'd be careful about is, a lot of men over 60 are just looking for someone to be there carer in their older days.

I would this completely wrong, Dementia affects twice as many women as men, and its just as likely for older men to become carers"

Could you provide a reputable source for this claim please? Am genuinely curious.

@FurryBandito

EmmaGrundyforMP

Your Mum and my Dad do show that love can develop where and when you least expect it.

My Dad and his neighbour were the most unlikely of people to have ended up together in terms of race, religion, class, politics. But somehow it just worked and they cared for each other so much. I remember leaving her alone for a while with my dad just after he died because I knew she would be desperate to pray for him even though she knew he was an atheist. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable doing what she needed to do, in front of me. I was glad I could be there for her too after my Dad died. That’s the problem with living into your late 90s - you lose so many people .

I wish your Mum and her partner lots of happiness.

You sound like the loveliest of people. I am sure your father influenced that in you and so it is not a surprise that he valued the good and decent in his neighbor even though they were different. Respect and decency are so powerful in the way they allow you to access the best in people. Your posts have brought me such joy. Thank you.

@Anthurium

Sure

www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/why-dementia-different-women

I’m a man BTW ( not that it matters really), I know 3 older men (65+ ), who are now full time carers for their wives, and one of them, 70+ plus, had a cancer scare last year and is genuinely concerned about what will happen to his wife if anything happens to him, He is really worried about what will happen, to her.

I divorced at 45 when my kids were 7, 9 and 12. Dated/ shagged a few much younger men and had an absolute ball for a couple of years. Then i met the love of my life at 47, him 49. Ironically showing a friend how to use tinder and he had a chatty bio so I assumed he'd reply quickly, which he did. It turned out that we had an incredible amount in common, including people and living in similar countries abroad. I was his only tinder date. He was my 17th!

He says he has never been happier and we both cannot believe how lucky we are to have found each other. Oh he has no kids either but has embraced family life.

BUT he also said he was just looking for someone to take out a couple of nights a week and shag, a bit of comapny, and knew he didn't want kids so was looking for someone who had kids already or was just.. older so they wouldn't tie him down. He says he had no idea that what we have existed. I also wasn't that bothered so was rather bowled over by how deeply we fell for each other.

The other thing was the day after we started chatting OLD I had lunch with 2 male friends my age. One divorced and one happily married. They told me that I was compartmentalised my life with the younger men and the right man would fit into my whole life, kids and all. My now partner messaged me during the lunch and it turned out that his dad had taught the married man's wife to drive in scotland 30 years before...

You absolutely can find your person after 50.
I was quite content being me & my DD after my divorce - aged 49
I turned 50 & unbeknown to me my DD set me up an OLD profile. Having gone into the acc to change the password so she couldn't access it, after a couple of glasses of wine on a Saturday in on my own, curiosity got the better of me & I got chatting to a guy who, 2 yes later is still the most amazing man & is definitely my person.
Don't give up on love .. it'll find you when you least expect it
😊

Some really lovely stories on here. Of course, love can happen at any age. Statistically there must be increasing numbers of single people in this age bracket, given that 1 in 3 (is it more?) marriages end.

I just wish it could happen for me!

Sadly I don’t think your experience is unique. I tried OLD for six months after a number of success stories with friends (I was early 40s).

Without fail the men fell into one of four categories:

A lot younger & looking for fun with an older lady.

‘Separated” when in actuality they were very much married and together.

Looking for something casual when it suited them and very one sided.

Date one went well, date two arranged and in between the requests for nude photos starts

I found it soul destroying. Ended up joining some local hobby groups and met my DP through one.

Statistics tell us OLD works but goodness knows how!

Good luck and don’t give up!

I met my dp at 50 OLD. Prior to him I'd had 2 short relationships also from OLD. I split up from the father of my kids at 47.

My advice is to be choosy, to only talk to men you could see yourself being friends with, get to know them and see if things develop. I can't decide if I'm attracted to someone unless I get to know them so that is the only way I can do OLD.

I didnt speak to many men and had regular breaks. I met very few of them. I didn't play games, I was nice and interested and was myself.

My dp is awesome and no way would we have met in normal circumstances. OLD is great because you can meet so many people that you wouldn't in real life and find someone who is much more suitable for you. Meeting in real life means that you may end up falling in love with someone who is unsuitable really. I dont have to make the compromises I made with my exes because I made sure they weren't there.

I met a lovely guy online when Ivwas 51 and we were together for a year. It didn’t work bout because he lived in Wales and I lived in London. I had quite a few fallow years after that and basically gave up on finding anyone. Then aged 64 I began a relationship with a lovely man who I’d known as an acquaintance through dog-walking. We’re in love and I couldn’t be happier. It’s never too late OP.

I can't even face it.

I'm about to turn 50 with a 9 & 13 year old, who I have majority care of. So I only have one evening a week & EOW - and I prioritise that for exercise, family & friends.

Most men my age had kids earlier & have older DC (almost adult). I can't imagine them being that keen on doing it all again.

I also can't risk my DC's home, having lost it as part of the separation process.

And I'm unfortunately so cynical after a very long & unhappy relationship. Haven't had sex in nearly a decade & can't actually remember what it was like to be in a happy relationship.

Working in a female dominated environment doesn't help either, and I don't have time for "hobbies".

Resigned to being single.......

@LargeProsecco

I can't even face it.

I'm about to turn 50 with a 9 & 13 year old, who I have majority care of. So I only have one evening a week & EOW - and I prioritise that for exercise, family & friends.

Most men my age had kids earlier & have older DC (almost adult). I can't imagine them being that keen on doing it all again.

I also can't risk my DC's home, having lost it as part of the separation process.

And I'm unfortunately so cynical after a very long & unhappy relationship. Haven't had sex in nearly a decade & can't actually remember what it was like to be in a happy relationship.

Working in a female dominated environment doesn't help either, and I don't have time for "hobbies".

Resigned to being single.......

Do you have an issue with casual sex? That's pretty easy to find for a woman!

Happy relationships are hard to find, and especially sustainable ones where children are involved

I think those people saying 'well I'm 60 and get asked out three times a day' are missing the point - you aren't looking for any old bloke who'll chat up any stranger in the post office queue. I don't think that would be a challenge particularly.

You're looking for someone you could gel with, someone with a similar outlook to yours, someone it would be worth giving up your singledom for. And rightly so. Far better to be single than coupled with the wrong person.

So although none of us can say if and when you'll meet that person, the certain thing is that it's better to make the best of being single, broadening your experiences and friendships - you'll be your happiest self, whether or not you meet someone. And you'll be more likely to meet someone.

I'm 51 now and always said OLD was not for me but lockdown saw me use it for the first time. I had a few dates but no real spark and then in July of last year met up with a guy who I am still seeing now 8 months later and I am happier than I have ever been. I had seen his profile when browsing and had really liked what he wrote about himself but because he was younger, I just assumed he wouldn't be interested so didn't swipe on his profile. Then he approached me first so I thought, 'let's give this a go, he knows my age, he's approached me so is obviously cool with it'. So glad I met up with him. I was starting to feel a bit jaded with the process and then bam! a genuine, lovely guy came along when I least expected it.

@Musttryharder2021 - if I was about 2st lighter I might feel more confident about a more casual encounter. I'm just too self-conscious & if I'm honest - a little vulnerable.