I’m 50. How realistic is it that I’ll meet someone?

[MasFina]

Obviously, nobody knows the answer to the question. But I’m sad and fed up with trying to meet someone nice. I’ve done a lot of online dating over the past three years - a lot! - without much success and I’m starting to think it must be me. Most people meet someone, right?! It’s usually me that pulls the plug on a conversation or taking it further - there have been opportunities but generally me that’s not interested, mainly because I just don’t meet the men I like i.e competent, articulate men who have their lives together. Good dads, divorced, with a reasonable job basically. Maybe this type stays married

I feel I should give up - but surely, how hard can it be??

I live in a regional city, have some good friends (mainly female but a couple of male friends) but don’t really do ‘hobbies’ where I’d meet someone. Work is v female orientated. Single parent to one DD age 10.

Why is it so difficult to meet someone I like? I think I’m normal but it feels hopeless!

I met my chap when I was 54, online. He's 7 years younger than me and we've been together for 3 years.

I'd not have met him, or anyone(!) 'organically' due to the nature of my job and hobbies. Choirs are not good places to meet men!

@CaptainMyCaptain

*This story is so common for older men to hook up with their deceased wife's friends before her body's cold. I find it really disrespectful, and really upsetting for any children/siblings/grandchildren.*

Not at all. It's because they already know, like and trust them not because they were lusting after them all along. A female friend of mine married someone they already new when her husband died.

I've been reading another thread with a similar tale on this board. But the man was much younger. His wife and child died, he started a new relationship very quickly.

My friend met someone in her early 50s after being single for as long as I had known her, at least 12 years.
She is ultra fussy and was not looking for love.

He spotted her when a few of us were having a girls lunch, realised she knew the restaurant owner as did he.
Asked the owner if she was single and to pass on his number.
Owner forgot for weeks until he was in again.
They went on a date and moved in together really quickly. That was about 18 months ago.

She kept her own house and her adult DS still lives there. His children are all adults and have their own places.
She seems ridiculously happy and loved up.

I was on Bumble for about a month, went on a few dates, tried Tinder and the only person I swiped right on was my BF. We have been very happy together for 6 months now. We are both in our late 40s. It was just luck that we found each other but it can happen through OLD. It helped that we both live in a small community and so had many positive common experiences and acquaintances to share. I felt like I knew who he was and what he wanted from our relationship very early on.

[quote Ted27]@scoobydoo1971

How many of those men are really potential dates or future partners

I'm 56, short, fat , no oil painting . I'm long term single, happy, not looking.
I fall into conversations with men in all sorts of random places. For a variety of reasons none would be potential dates.[/quote]
One was too young, and thought I was younger. He was my 'toyboy' from the hospital queue who was shocked when I told him my age. He was lost so I helped him find his clinic and we got chatting about life. He asked me to dinner. I don't do 35...I got socks older than that. I have a local friend who is 41 who accepts we are mates, but wishes I'd change my mind. No chemistry for me. I have a gorgeous fit 50-something who is a definite contender for my heart strings. He did some work for me. I had flowers today from a work client who is flirty, and I did him a favour so he has shown his appreciation. If I fluttered eyelashes we could date I think as he drops hints. I fell over last summer in London and Idris Elba's twin rescued me. He bought plasters for my bleeding feet, bless him. He tracked me down on Facebook and asked me to go to dinner, but I declined as I was too busy with work/ life etc. If he lived nearer, I would have...he is gorgeous and clever. The security guard at Morrison gives me the puppy eyes and follows me around the aisles trying to engage in conversation, but he gives me the creeps! My toyboy ex-husband would come back anytime, and tells me he still wants to be in the Scooby fan club. Not a contender and divorced with good reason. But we remain pals. I am too busy and too unwell to be glamorous at the moment and the feedback I get off men is that they are interested because I don't present as someone who needs anyone. That is an accurate assessment. I would be happily single forever unless Mr Right comes along, and I've dated a few Mr Wrong(un). Since I am no longer the ravishing thing I was at 25, I guess getting out a bit, work contacts and so on work for me. I am quite a smiley person so strangers approach me for directions, a chat and random stuff. Sometimes good, sometimes not so.

Do you have the link to that thread by any chance, please?

@TheOrigRights

I am 51. A few men have shown interest in me since my divorce 5 years ago. I am not interested in romance or dating so haven't done any OLD and the like, these are men from my running club.

So, I say join a running club!
Or maybe a choir, I bet there's some lovely men there.

I have been on a few 'not dates' with one of the men whose company I enjoy, but I made it clear I wasn't looking for romance. Maybe it will develop in time, but for now it's just nice.

I'm 51 and belong to a running club. I'm not especially interested in a serious relationship myself but I'm not short of male company. Running Club, parkrun and races. I know at least 9 middle aged couples who've got together through running. 4 weddings at our club in the last 5 years, All over 40. Not bad considering there have been no meets for weddings for nearly 2 of them.

I also attend football and enjoy a pint of real ale. It's just like any other "friendship", the shared interests have to come first. If you don't have any interests you're going to struggle.

My 50 year old ex hangs out with his 32 year old new partner.

@Ncwinc

My 50 year old ex hangs out with his 32 year old new partner.

My husband had a friend like that. She had a serious debilitating disease and he ended up as her carer.

I think it's quite normal, after the death of a spouse, for an existing friendship to turn into something more. You would have experiences and values in common.

@FurryBandito that's lovely.

My dad died 3 years ago, my Mum started a relationship last year with an old family friend whose wife died just after dad. They moved in together in the autumn, and are really happy. They will both turn 80 this year

Maybe outdoorsy volunteering? The people who maintain woodlands near me are mostly men 50+ & are nice & friendly. They often ask for help online so you could do a one-off.

But the parameters get narrow (I find) as you age

No they don't. If you only have one spare hour a week, you could join a running club, start attending a foreign language group, go on a guided walking tour of your local city, go to a philosophy seminar, do a chocolate making course and start playing a musical instrument all within a month or two.

If you have time to date, you've got time to throw yourself in the path of tons of strangers, regardless of age.

I think the most important thing is you have to go and to the event for it's own sake first and friendships develop out of that mutual interest.

Work out how you want to spend your time and go and do that. Don't help at the woodland to meet men, do it because you want to help.

@DetailMouse

I think the most important thing is you have to go and to the event for it's own sake first and friendships develop out of that mutual interest.

Work out how you want to spend your time and go and do that. Don't help at the woodland to meet men, do it because you want to help.

I agree with this. I think it would be rather awkward, or possibly obvious, joining a group in the hope of meeting a man.

My hobby groups are 99-100% women, and I work from home, so I might have to try online dating.

It might not actually be obvious you'd joined in the hope of meeting a man, that's just how I'd feel personally.

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I think it depends on your past relationship history. If you have a history of successful long term relationships throughout your adult life, then the likelihood is that you will find that again.

If you have spent most of your adult life single then it is less likely, although certainly not impossible.

I totally agree with this. And sadly that means I'm doomed lol

I'm 50 and had 3 LTR, two of them under 3 yrs and one of them 4 yrs and that's it. So I'm slowly trying to accept that it's over for me.

@TheOrigRights

I am 51. A few men have shown interest in me since my divorce 5 years ago. I am not interested in romance or dating so haven't done any OLD and the like, these are men from my running club.

So, I say join a running club!
Or maybe a choir, I bet there's some lovely men there.

I have been on a few 'not dates' with one of the men whose company I enjoy, but I made it clear I wasn't looking for romance. Maybe it will develop in time, but for now it's just nice.

That made me chuckle as I joined a choir and I've halved the average age😂. I'm 47......

What do you like doing OP?

What is your DD into?

For instance does she go to Brownies? Stage school? Is there anything that either of you do already you could start to volunteer, get really involved if you are there already?

Forget about "meeting the one" but what do you want to know about before you die? Egyptology, gardening, car mechanics, how to knit, American literature?

Work from a different base than "dating sites"?

Local colleges do loads of courses in the evening for mature students.

If you have any weekends free take a wander around your area, take a book, crossword, pop into the local pubs for a drink. See who is out there.

Many good men, single men, who know 30 yr olds are not on the same level don't go on "dating sites".

Mix it up a bit.

My mother was 50 when she met the man of her dreams in tesco ,he was a friend from years ago they reconnected and moved in together 2 years later. 20 years on and they are still together.

Camping in the summer is full of everyone.

Try a campsite near a dark sky area if nothing else you can look up in the night sky and see the milky way.

Dating sites are wank. You are far more likely to meet someone through a friendship group.
Start a new hobby, join a night class put a post in Facebook asking if anyone fancies going for a drink tonight ?

I think that's a really good point about working in a pub - an alternative could be volunteering to work in the cafe or bar at an arts centre or similar once in a while.

Dating sites are wank

You can't really say this. People who didn't meet someone at a running club might say running clubs were 'wank' for meeting someone. People who went to evening classes and failed to meet someone might say that evening classes are 'wank'.

But the fact is, lots of people have met their partners on OLD sites, at running clubs, and at evening classes.

The more things you do the better, but OLD is 'a thing you can do'.

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