I’m 50. How realistic is it that I’ll meet someone?

[MasFina]

Obviously, nobody knows the answer to the question. But I’m sad and fed up with trying to meet someone nice. I’ve done a lot of online dating over the past three years - a lot! - without much success and I’m starting to think it must be me. Most people meet someone, right?! It’s usually me that pulls the plug on a conversation or taking it further - there have been opportunities but generally me that’s not interested, mainly because I just don’t meet the men I like i.e competent, articulate men who have their lives together. Good dads, divorced, with a reasonable job basically. Maybe this type stays married

I feel I should give up - but surely, how hard can it be??

I live in a regional city, have some good friends (mainly female but a couple of male friends) but don’t really do ‘hobbies’ where I’d meet someone. Work is v female orientated. Single parent to one DD age 10.

Why is it so difficult to meet someone I like? I think I’m normal but it feels hopeless!

I met the love of my life on Tinder at the age of 54, I swiped right when I meant to swipe left as he had no bio written up and that had been a rule of mine. No matter how attracted to the person I was they had to have a few lines about themselves and what they were looking for and DH didn't have that. I am now very glad that as soon as I swiped I got a message from him and we started chatting. We married last May and were very, very happy together.

@Watchkeys

Dating sites are wank

You can't really say this. People who didn't meet someone at a running club might say running clubs were 'wank' for meeting someone. People who went to evening classes and failed to meet someone might say that evening classes are 'wank'.

But the fact is, lots of people have met their partners on OLD sites, at running clubs, and at evening classes.

The more things you do the better, but OLD is 'a thing you can do'.

I know people of all ages from mid 30s to over 60s who have met someone on dating sites.

As I said before, I met my husband at the gym when I was 50 but it was because I formed friendships with other women. Just extending your circle of friends makes it more likely you will meet someone.

When I had a part time bar job, I had many guys ask me out. I was young and pretty at the time, but it’s great for meeting more people. I did it as I moved to a new area. Worked a treat.
I also have done a lot of old school OLD before apps. Met dh online in fact.

@bloodywhitecat

I met the love of my life on Tinder at the age of 54, I swiped right when I meant to swipe left as he had no bio written up and that had been a rule of mine. No matter how attracted to the person I was they had to have a few lines about themselves and what they were looking for and DH didn't have that. I am now very glad that as soon as I swiped I got a message from him and we started chatting. We married last May and were very, very happy together.

@bloodywhitecat hoping that is an "are still very happy together"?

I am bookmarking this thread, because it is chock full of brilliant ideas.

@spongedog Sadly not, he'd been living with a rare and aggressive cancer for the last almost two years, then he had a massive stroke in Nov which robbed him of so much; his speech, his right hand side and the chance of any further chemo. He came home just before Christmas and died, peacefully and at home, at the end of Feb.

@bloodywhitecat I am very sorry to hear that. Your story sounded such a very positive outcome from OLD, despite the rule breech.

EmmaGrundyforMP

Your Mum and my Dad do show that love can develop where and when you least expect it.

My Dad and his neighbour were the most unlikely of people to have ended up together in terms of race, religion, class, politics. But somehow it just worked and they cared for each other so much. I remember leaving her alone for a while with my dad just after he died because I knew she would be desperate to pray for him even though she knew he was an atheist. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable doing what she needed to do, in front of me. I was glad I could be there for her too after my Dad died. That’s the problem with living into your late 90s - you lose so many people .

I wish your Mum and her partner lots of happiness.

I met my husband when I was 48, divorced, he was 50 and widowed 10 years. We’ve been married for 17 years , he is the love of my life. We met at dance evening ( modern jive) neither of us looking for someone, it just happened. Right place right time

Bloodywhitecat 💐. I’m so sorry. That’s so bloody unfair.

An awful lot of posts asking the OP if she actually wants to meet someone - surely we can trust her word that she does? I mean, societal pressure yes, but she isn’t an 19 year old wanting a boyfriend!

[quote spongedog]@bloodywhitecat I am very sorry to hear that. Your story sounded such a very positive outcome from OLD, despite the rule breech. [/quote]
We had the best, and happiest, five years of our lives and I will be forever grateful to an errant right swipe on Tinder.

@FurryBandito
What a lovely story.

Following with interest... has anyone had any luck/general good experiences with Meetup groups? Can't face OLD...

@Porfre

One thing I'd be careful about is, a lot of men over 60 are just looking for someone to be there carer in their older days.

So men looking for younger women are bad but women should look for a younger man to avoid being a carer....okaaaaaay

My 55 year old SIL met someone last year. She had been helping out one of her mums elderly neighbours and her son was visiting. Turns out they went to school together 35+ years ago and hadnt seen each other since/barely remembered each other, she had a nice chat with him and his mum. A couple of days later he phoned and asked her out to lunch.

Bit of a shock for her as she hasnt dated for over 15 years after a previous bad experience, he stays a fair distance away but they see each/stay over at each others houses most weekends now and she is very happy with that, not looking for anything more.

@dumdumduuuummmmm

Where are all the people you claim advise women to look for YOUNGER men
Most women according to statistics find men within five years range most attractive, whereas most men find 22 yrs olds most attractive lol
I think you’ll find most women just don’t want to become carers to significantly older men that doesn’t mean they are out looking for younger men , like so many men do with their heavy focus on youth

@dumdumduuuummmmm

Also the poster advised her on men more than ten years her senior . She’s only 50!!!!
Most 50 year old men I know are chasing ( or at least wish for ) 35 year old women and won’t even consider women their own age

And OP , although I say many 50yr old men won’t consider women their own age ( which I stand by ) please don’t think that means you won’t meet someone
That type of guy is doing you a favour by weeding himself out , leaving the field open for you to meet a decent guy

Play poker at a local pub. Lots of single older men and you might even make a profit

All the men I know who've got together with new partners in the last few years have either followed the traditional pattern of a few years (say 2-5) years younger or the same age. One man of 56 is living with a woman of 60, which is no difference at all but she's not younger.

I'm 51 and my recent "attention" has been from men aged 48-59

@DetailMouse

All the men I know who've got together with new partners in the last few years have either followed the traditional pattern of a few years (say 2-5) years younger or the same age. One man of 56 is living with a woman of 60, which is no difference at all but she's not younger.

I'm 51 and my recent "attention" has been from men aged 48-59

Quite. My husband is 6 years younger than me. When we met I was 50 and he was 44. There are some very bitter people on this thread.

Very realistic. When I was fifty men were crawling out of the woodwork trying to get my attention. Had I been single I could have taken my pick and had a whale of a time.

Most people kiss a few frogs along the way but you will meet someone special sooner or later.

I think the sriking difference between the people I know and some of the women on this thread (and maybe the men they know) is that my friends are "out there" looking for a fun and interesting life and an active social life involving all sorts of people of both sexes. No one is treating finding a partner as they're main motivator, although they're open to that should it happen.

There's nothing more attractive than someone who enjoys life.

@CaptainMyCaptain no there’s nothing bitter about stating that the actual research shows that most men find 22 year olds most desirable
Oh course, most older men don’t have a chance In hell of getting a 22 yr old
What makes you think that people actually quoting Well researched facts about the difference between men and womens orefernces is somehow ‘bitter ‘
And also , you do realise that bitter is a word seldom used for men and bandied around by puckmeshas ( not saying you are one of course) towards women who have their eyes open and don’t think the examples of who men are actually dating means anything about who men would actually date given the opportunity

‘Christian Rudder, co-founder of OKCupid, wrote an article on Jezebel that delves into the dating site’s data “built from tens of millions of preferences expressed in the act of finding a date.” The data reveals some pretty depressing results about what men are looking for in women.

Women prefer someone roughly around their own age. Before 30, they’re looking for slightly older men; once they hit 30, they are interested in someone slightly younger. Throughout her forties, a woman is most attracted to men at right around the age of 40. “If we want to pick the point where a man’s sexual appeal has reached its limit, it’s there: 40,” Rudder notes. Yikes.

But even more yikes? All men, from those in their twenties to those who are fifty, want to date a woman in her early twenties. The most commonly chosen ages are 20-23. ‘