So it was OW and not a mental health crisis

[cleanbreak2022]

So I posed on Friday looking for advice with my separation from. My ex. We is 40 I am 38 we have two children and a mortgage.

He left me on it if the blue two weeks before Christmas with a 7 yr old and a 16 month old.

My post on Friday was out of concern for to edp mental health, I had found his current address and and was concerned he had as living in a separate substandard environment and I was very worried about his mental health,

Today I found a number and called it. It was the other woman/girl. She is 26.

I then visited their little love nest and he was there. He has told her a fuck tonne of lies about our relationship. Apparently I have been off with a fella and we broke up 1-2 years ago.

Abolsute lie. He left the it of the blue, 2 weeks before Xmas.

She is a young girl and this is her first relationship. He has told her abhorrent things about me. And lie after lie.

I am heart broken. There I was, concerned he was having a mental health episode. He then told me I can tell our kids why he will never see them again. That he despises me and would 'plunge a knife through my head' for destroying his happiness. He loves her and I should get it through my 'thick head' that he hates me.

I ended up hugging her and comforting her. I can't believe this has happened. I loved him.

@Wednesdayafternoon I have blocked him. I just can't believe it.

It's absolutely soul destroying.

This is your low point. The silver lining is that you're now rid of this waste of space & have the rest of your life to get on and find nicer people to spend time with. If you can try and put a line under all of this - he's been a prize asshole & you've warned off OW who sounds pretty naive and now knows what the score is. You're going to be fully rid soon so yay for blocking, hopefully things will all seem a bit brighter soon - don't let this continue to rule things for you. Make some nice plans with friends or family & grab the rest of your life - try not to look back and dwell on this crappy situation

Well done for blocking him on your phone. You have no need to put up with abuse from him, it's just more gaslighting and DARVO anyway.

Now you need to stop thinking about the OW at all - she has seen the situation, whether or not she believes it and decides that she "can be the one true love of his life and Change Him" is up to her. You don't need to think about it At All, because it's no longer your concern. I know that sounds harsh, but forgetting about them is better for your own mental health.

All you need to worry about now is getting the transfer of equity signed and sealed, and then getting him out of your head and your life, inasmuch as this is possible, given that he still IS the father of your kids.

If he absolutely refuses to have anything to do with them, then I think it might be a good plan to organise some counselling for them, even as young as they are, because it will help them to talk through how they're feeling without worrying that it will upset you.

I loathe men like this. How DARE they think they can just walk away from their children - and yet so many of them do do this.

I know you feel broken at the moment, and I get that (Been there, got the t-shirt, luckily no kids in that mix) but slowly slowly you will start to feel better, and even if you have days where you slide backwards, you will still be overall making progress. You are doing better than you think you are, honestly.

He sounds like a horrible horrible person and I've also been told the same about telling the children why they won't have a dad etc, it's narcissistic behaviour as is the lying and making out it's a mental health thing to you. That's all just horrible and I'm so sorry you're going through this. From someone who has been there, it gets better. I promise.

I agree don't think too much about her or them . Just concentrate on yourself and your children. My ex has just done the same to the "ow" after 11 years and I'm getting her through it. These men are absolute scum.

Change your number, or block them.
Please remember to eat. Xx

Firstly, I'm so so sorry you are going through this. Absolutely disgusting behaviour to his partner and mother of his children. No one gets past words and behaviour like that. Unforgivable.

Secondly, well done for your strength. You may not feel like it's there but it is. It's good he's shown his true colours in front of the new gf. If that's the way he talks and behaves she'll hopefully see sense and run!!

He sounds manipulative and like he would say spiteful things about you to the children. Zero respect, doesn't deserve being an intimate part of their lives - but he absolutely should pay upkeep as he's still a father - not something he can pretend is non existent just to start over a new "life" with someone else. Awful behaviour

You have been treated really badly and the series of revelations is shocking and you must be blindsided and angry.

However after you stop reverberating (give yourself plenty of time and seek support and comfort in others) it would be good to reflect on how far you have already come before this bombshell.

You had physically separated.

You had emotionally detached.

You have made huge progress on the financials.

You have come a long long way already.

Maybe try to put this reveal into a context that will help you not hurt you. So maybe this was the last piece of the jigsaw - it clears any doubts you have - so it is helpful.

Try not to let it derail how far you have come. She and their relationship is irrelevant to your financial future, your children’s future and your emotional stability - don’t let it trigger and depress you.

Don’t engage with them. Regroup and focus on yourself. Keep your dignity and your powder dry (because you don’t want to mess up the transfer stuff) - don’t poke the bear.

Laugh at him and her behind their backs if that makes you feel better - but try not to let yourself get bitter or angry with them because it could derail what you have achieved to date. Resist any contact.