So it was OW and not a mental health crisis

[cleanbreak2022]

So I posed on Friday looking for advice with my separation from. My ex. We is 40 I am 38 we have two children and a mortgage.

He left me on it if the blue two weeks before Christmas with a 7 yr old and a 16 month old.

My post on Friday was out of concern for to edp mental health, I had found his current address and and was concerned he had as living in a separate substandard environment and I was very worried about his mental health,

Today I found a number and called it. It was the other woman/girl. She is 26.

I then visited their little love nest and he was there. He has told her a fuck tonne of lies about our relationship. Apparently I have been off with a fella and we broke up 1-2 years ago.

Abolsute lie. He left the it of the blue, 2 weeks before Xmas.

She is a young girl and this is her first relationship. He has told her abhorrent things about me. And lie after lie.

I am heart broken. There I was, concerned he was having a mental health episode. He then told me I can tell our kids why he will never see them again. That he despises me and would 'plunge a knife through my head' for destroying his happiness. He loves her and I should get it through my 'thick head' that he hates me.

I ended up hugging her and comforting her. I can't believe this has happened. I loved him.

Everything the lady above has said.... Protect yourself OP 💐

God I'm so sorry OP.

Although your life had just been turned upside down, you have handled this really gracefully.

I didn't see where you said what plans he has to see the DC. Are there any? I don't think it's a good idea for a 7 year old to be meeting the ow, is there any way you can supervise a visit. As he sounds quite deranged so I worry about what he will tell your DC.

💐

Not surprised unfortunately. Men don’t leave a woman if they don’t have another one to foist themselves on, that’s the reality. Lots of women can’t see this and think ‘not my DH, I know him too well/ he is going through a life crisis/ he is mentally unwell/ maybe it’s me’ - nope to all of that. The only ‘crisis’ they are going through is some quick thinking to try and delude themselves so they don’t suffer guilt. If he’s leaving then it will always be to another woman, they don’t leave a feathered nest to just go build their own, they will move into another feathered nest.

I can't sleep.

I've read everyone's comments and I'm struggling to process everything.

I'm so hurt, deeply hurt for the deceit and lies. Him saying his only regret is he didn't leave me sooner.

I can't believe my life has become a cliche. I'm broken

My god op. I’m so sorry. I read your previous post and thought that you were right, he was having some mental health issues….But, it seems he’s not unwell, he’s just a complete bastard Following “the script” to a T…nothing unique or special about him, he’s just your average lying wanker. He is though, completing some fairly impressive mental gymnastics if he manages to convince himself (and her!) that this is somehow YOUR fault? How does he even do that? How does he (and so many others like him) manage to just…shelve their innate sense of right and wrong, behave like utter, utter cunts and somehow, absolve themselves of any responsibility?? I will never understand it. And as for her?? Even at 26, I would have had no truck with a man who said he wasn’t going to see his DC and if he threatened to stab his wife? He would be gone. Let’s hope she sees sense and stays safe because, frankly, he sounds unhinged. I know you must be devastated, but I think you are extremely brave and very strong. You will get through this, you will get your DC through this. I’m #teamcleanbreak, we all are and we are rooting for you xxxx

Hi Cleanbreak

I’ve worn similar shoes and trod the same path. It’s devastating at first, it might be hard to sleep for a while but it does get easier. I’m so sorry you and your children have to face this - bit of a cliche but time will heal and it will hurt less I promise.

And you aren’t broken. You are down, you’re not out. You’ve had a terrible, terrible shock which has taken your feet out from under you. It’s going to take some time (and therapy) to get through it. But you WILL rise again, you have been deceived but you will not allow one selfish lying wanker to ruin your life, I know you won’t. Take it one minute at a time, you will get there xxxx

I agree, you're not broken - you're a little weatherbeaten just now, but you're still functional, even if it's a struggle.

I also agree that you should tell the police about his violent threat to you - he's not safe.

@Cleanbreak2022 I was you 13 years ago with an 8 yr, 4 yr and 6 week old. It was Xmas and my XH told me he wasn't sure how he felt about family life and off he went. Leaving me concerned for him. Turned out he was sleeping with someone else, I knew it deep down there had been too many clues during my pregnancy. I know how it hurts how confused you feel but I'm coming from the other side. It's going to be hard your going to not sleep your going to feel sick to the pit of your stomach every single day. But slowly yoh will feel better it will fade. Don't worry about his relationship with the ow he will likely talk her round and yoh will be a psycho etc don't let that enter your head. Concentrate on yourself and your kids it's too easy to get caught up in what they are saying doing etc. Do practical things, see a solicitor, seperate finances, speak to the kids school, look to formalise contact with a child arrangement order etc. Unfortunately you cannot stop him introducing the ow to the DC however you could potentially get it written in to a cao that it has to be a serious relationship of so many months. Practical things all the way day by day. Change things in the house if you have the money paint, get new bedding simple things to make it for you and the children so your not reminded of him.

I can't promise it's easy and it's not however I can promise that the day he comes back and finally apologises (which will happen it always does) you will tell him where to go as your life will be better without him in it.

what a horrible situation for you.
Please do phone the police. if you call now the lines may be quiet.

This man sounds dangerous. You must report to the police and get a non molestation order. Tell the kids school what has happened snd that only you are permitted to collect them. Get the locks changed on your house. I know you're exhausted but please do these things today.

Police first. What he said to you is terrifying.

Then take it minute by minute, hour by hour. I promise it will get better. These awful overwhelming feelings will subside. They’ll be replaced by rage. When the rage happens use that to purposefully separate yourself financially and legally from this scum of a man.

Most of the separation is done. The joint account has the mortgage going out of it only.

The solicitors have been instructed to complete transfer of equity.

I can't look at my kids the same way. I'm protecting my darling boy from heartache I can only delay and not prevent and I'm his mum. I wear a superhero cloak. I want to stop this

That he despises me and would 'plunge a knife through my head' for destroying his happiness

I also think you should report that to the police. It's a very specific threat.

God OP he is utterly despicable. It must be so disappointing and bewildering to think you know and love someone and they turn out to be a colossal arsehole.

You on the other hand are a f**ing hero for your grave under pressure.

*grace! Under pressure

Yeah I agree with narc, he'll worship the ground she walks on.........until he doesn't. No one can be perfect enough. He ego tells him he deserves someone perfect because he's 'younique, misunderstood, under appreciated' and right now she's his idea of perfect - but his low self esteem will then slowly pick her apart and find her wanting. He will lie like a psychopath, narcs do to get what they want. He will gas light like no other. He will completely rewrite history, he will come up with anything to justify his actions, he will never be in the wrong or to blame.

I'm sorry this was done to you OP but I don't think you could ever have known, they are masters of deception and can live a complete lie without anyone else realising. But he'll never be happy OP, he's not capable of love - he's demonstrated that with what he's said about the children. He's not capable of it and that means his existence will always be miserable.

Good God. You dealt with the shitstorm like a bloody hero. Now the adrenaline has subsided, keep that fire. Absolutely inform the police asap. If she leaves him, he’s going to be very angry indeed that his lies were uncovered.
Keep that fire for your dc, particularly your 7 year old.
Sending support and strength

How on earth did you stay so calm.

Sending 💐 and best wishes for the next few weeks. You’ll be ok.

Has he not even asked to see the dc? Keep all texts and notes of everything you might need them.

What a bastard. What a cliché.

I am so sorry to hear that he is such a twat. As with others make sure you speak with the police and also make doubly sure he can’t come after you for money further down the line.

I know a lady who didn’t and he came back years later for more. You can’t be too careful with this.

Your DC are of course going to be upset and it must be doubly heartbreaking to see that, but are there things you can do to help distract them? Decorate bedrooms or get a pet so you have a new family member? Spend more time with relatives or take up a new hobby as a family?

I would also get the locks changed on the house for your safety and I know he still has access rights until the handover, but if he asks for a key you will know he has access, but at least he won’t be able to enter in the meantime. The police would hopefully advise this after you report the threat anyway.

Really sorry to read the update OP.

From years of being on here I now think OW every time I read about a suspected MH crisis that has come from nowhere with no history of MH issues and the husband is questioning the relationship or needs space etc. But to just leave his family after two months ... What a horrible man.

@AKASammyScrounge

I would be hopeful that the OW will ponder how he spoke to you. If she has a lick of sense she'll drop a man who makes such ugly threats and tells so many lies.

She wants to try and make it work...

@Billybagpuss he told me he won't be seeing them again and he hasn't contacted me since I walked out of their front door explaining I had to leave, because I am a parent and had to do the school run

The ow has sent me a text, apologising for what me and my kids are going through. She feels embarrassed that she has fallen for this. She's ashamed for being involved with a man who has no moral compass.