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Original poster

So it was OW and not a mental health crisis

208 replies

cleanbreak2022 · 07/03/2022 21:43

So I posed on Friday looking for advice with my separation from. My ex. We is 40 I am 38 we have two children and a mortgage.

He left me on it if the blue two weeks before Christmas with a 7 yr old and a 16 month old.

My post on Friday was out of concern for to edp mental health, I had found his current address and and was concerned he had as living in a separate substandard environment and I was very worried about his mental health,

Today I found a number and called it. It was the other woman/girl. She is 26.

I then visited their little love nest and he was there. He has told her a fuck tonne of lies about our relationship. Apparently I have been off with a fella and we broke up 1-2 years ago.

Abolsute lie. He left the it of the blue, 2 weeks before Xmas.

She is a young girl and this is her first relationship. He has told her abhorrent things about me. And lie after lie.

I am heart broken. There I was, concerned he was having a mental health episode. He then told me I can tell our kids why he will never see them again. That he despises me and would 'plunge a knife through my head' for destroying his happiness. He loves her and I should get it through my 'thick head' that he hates me.

I ended up hugging her and comforting her. I can't believe this has happened. I loved him.

OP posts:
Tamworth123 · 07/03/2022 22:23

*squatty flats

Original poster
cleanbreak2022 · 07/03/2022 22:23

@Tamworth123

He sounds like he wants to.live in fantasy land, like a youth with no responsibilities .. and she fits that.

She's too young and nauve and vulnerable to realise what that says about a man of his age with kids.

He sounds like he'll continue on in that groove, with squatty flags, young women etc. Leave him to it. People find their level.

I can't see if you're married, you need to protect your assets big-time.

@Tamworth123 we're not married. We have a transfer of equity being processed at the moment
OP posts:
Tamworth123 · 07/03/2022 22:25

Ah the history/reality rewrite.

Its a good thing for you he's so extreme and filterless he'll not be able to reel you back in down the line.

Icehole · 07/03/2022 22:28

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KneadingKitty · 07/03/2022 22:32

I'm sorry to read this. That kind of threat is worth logging with the police.

The OW is not a child though, she's 26.

Original poster
cleanbreak2022 · 07/03/2022 22:32

@Icehole she said she felt like she had been taken for a ''mug' and wouldn't have got involved if she knew the facts. But she doesn't have children (although he has promised her kids) she'll take him back. She will because she'll think they can move forward.

OP posts:
Original poster
cleanbreak2022 · 07/03/2022 22:34

@KneadingKitty I know she's now, it just feels like it it me. She has no life experiences he used to worship the ground I walked on!

OP posts:
187mob · 07/03/2022 22:37

That he despises me and would 'plunge a knife through my head' for destroying his happiness.

This is where I stopped reading and all that came to my head were 3 numbers.

9, 9 and 9.

nocoolnamesleft · 07/03/2022 22:44

That he despises me and would 'plunge a knife through my head' for destroying his happiness.

Police.

manybirdsnests · 07/03/2022 22:49

Well done OP for staying so strong, calm and level-headed; I admire you.

You are well rid of him even though it's painful for you and your DC; you'll soon be feeling so much happier, cleaner and lighter knowing you don't have his lies polluting your lives any more.

What a piece of shit he is.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 07/03/2022 22:51

This must have been an absolutely horrific day for you. I'm so sorry, OP. Flowers

The only way from here is up, lovely x

JackieQueen · 07/03/2022 22:59

Flowers Bless you, you're so strong

Jellybellyfun88 · 07/03/2022 23:00

Poor girl. She’s hardly won a prize. He’s a lying shit and it’ll be a toxic relationship.

I know it must hurt so much but bang in there and know this will pass and you and your kids will have a much brighter future. It may not feel like it now but you will, I guarantee it Flowers

Sparticuscaticus · 07/03/2022 23:01

Your ex sounds abusive

He's made a threat on your life. A rather graphic one. I hope you can save any texts or emails he sends you.

Cut contact.

Let this new OW fend for herself

You need to protect yourself and your DCs. If he's not safe then you need to talk to someone about how he's not safe for children and / or you.

Tbh he sounds like an immature and abusive man. The whole quick to dive in there love bombing of you and now OW are typical of DV abusive men

Jellybellyfun88 · 07/03/2022 23:01

Hang**

Pollysforever · 07/03/2022 23:02

What a fucking bastard.

I've been there too OP, our second was 6 months old at the time.

I posted on here too asking for advice as I thought he was having a nervous breakdown. He was disappearing for whole days, saying how depressed he was and bringing up sad stories from his past. I thought he was edging up to kill himself.

One day after he was missing 8 hours and claimed to be sat in a park 'just thinking' I told him I was concerned enough that I was thinking of calling the police to do a welfare check.

It turned out to be an OW. No mental health crisis. I woke up one morning to find him gone, having sent me a text at 3.00am saying he's sorry he cheated on me and he's gone. He hopes I'll let him see the kids.

You are so much better off without the sad sap that he is. That young woman will get bored of him. I truly believe that.

The foundation of their relationship has been rocked beyond repair, she knows he's a liar and not only that - he threatens to kill women. They might stay together but she'll never trust him again. They are as good as over, even if he is still physically there for now.

She'll tell her mum who will want nothing to do with him, she'll probably urge her to throw him out actually.

She'll tell her friends who'll have his card marked from the get go.

There is no longevity in what they have, I promise you.

Its unforgivable that he was going to spring this seedy shit on your 7 year old.

Pisces89 · 07/03/2022 23:03

Omfg !! OP this is horrendous

Pisces89 · 07/03/2022 23:05

OP from experience they won't last trust me.

needingpeace · 07/03/2022 23:05

He’s done this because you are strong and competent. He has targeted somebody young who knows nothing - he wants to be hero worshipped. He’s infantile. It’s a well known ego issue. He can Lord it over her. He despised you because he couldn’t pretend with you and he couldn’t be “awesome” all the time and you didn’t have big gooey eyes at him all the time like she does. So sad. He’s not a prize. You can and will do better.

Inertia · 07/03/2022 23:09

You need to report the threat to kill you to the police.

Pollysforever · 07/03/2022 23:14

@Inertia

You need to report the threat to kill you to the police.
Yes, I agree OP.

Please report it. The police take threats to kill very seriously. It's alot different to him threatening to give you a slap or similar (not that threatening you at all is acceptable, just making it clear that direct threats to kill are taken v seriously indeed)

You don't want to be the scapegoat when she kicks his miserable arse out.

AKASammyScrounge · 07/03/2022 23:15

I would be hopeful that the OW will ponder how he spoke to you. If she has a lick of sense she'll drop a man who makes such ugly threats and tells so many lies.

CheshireChat · 07/03/2022 23:15

Please talk to the police. Because he'll be an utter arsehole regarding custody as he'll need to prove his lies to her (you're the evil one and he's the poor, long suffering bloke) and no one will believe you unless you have various professionals involved (ask me how I know).

Also, if his behaviour does escalate, you'll have an easier time getting a prohibited steps order etc.

grapewines · 07/03/2022 23:24

He threatened to kill you. This needs to be reported for custody purposes and in case he gets worse.

He sounds completely off his rocker.

RockinHorseShit · 07/03/2022 23:34

He's a dick, but you know what, the way you handled meeting his GF is awe inspiring. You are bloody amazing & are waasay too good for this sad, trying to relive his youth, dickhead. You really do not need him. However hard it might feel at times, you have absolutely got this