Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If your parter was bisexual would it bother you?

275 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 05/03/2022 20:17

I'm watching the love is blind on Netflix and one of the people participating has been with both men and women, but has decided he wants to be with a woman and has gone on the show

Anyway it got me thinking and would a man being bisexual put you off him?

I used to have a boyfriend who I knew had kissed other men when drunk a few times

He was AMAZING in bed, absolutely gorgeous and I fell in love with him quickly, it never even occurred to me to be bothered that he'd kissed men. Although he hadn't had sex with a man as far as he told me, so perhaps that different?

Interested to hear others thoughts

OP posts:
FurPunt · 05/03/2022 20:28

it’s a ‘no’ from me.

BertieBotts · 05/03/2022 20:32

No. Fairly sure DH is although he's not interested in exploring it. I am (bi) and I'm not bothered either. I'm married and that to me means I'm not looking for anyone else regardless of what sex or gender they are.

MissyB1 · 05/03/2022 20:33

Would definitely be a problem!!

TheRealityCheque · 05/03/2022 20:38

@MissyB1

Would definitely be a problem!!
Why?

Everyone will have attractions to others, regardless of sexuality

AlternativePerspective · 05/03/2022 20:39

This won’t end well.

Heterosexuals are accused of being phobic if they have a sexual preference, despite the fact that gay/bisexuals are permitted their own choices.

Personally I am a heterosexual and I am attracted to heterosexual men. That does not make me biphobic.

Accusing someone of being biphobic for having a preference to not be in a relationship with a bisexual is on the same level as insisting that a woman refer to herself as cis because trans women feel that she should change her identity in order that they also be able to be called women.

Live how you want, identify how you want, and I’ll do the same.

Enko · 05/03/2022 20:40

No it would not bother me.

AlternativePerspective · 05/03/2022 20:42

Everyone will have attractions to others, regardless of sexuality the assumption always seems to be that people don’t want to be in a relationship with a bisexual because they think they’re more likely to cheat when that is not the case.

I wouldn’t be in a relationship with a bisexual because I am attracted to heterosexuals. It really is that simple.

Gonnagetgoing · 05/03/2022 20:44

Yes. I don’t like the fact that my male partner would’ve had sex or fancy another man.

Gonnagetgoing · 05/03/2022 20:45

Oh and yes I’m attracted to heterosexuals.

turnaroundtime · 05/03/2022 20:46

@AlternativePerspective

Everyone will have attractions to others, regardless of sexuality the assumption always seems to be that people don’t want to be in a relationship with a bisexual because they think they’re more likely to cheat when that is not the case.

I wouldn’t be in a relationship with a bisexual because I am attracted to heterosexuals. It really is that simple.

If you were in a happy relationship with someone for a very long time and then found out they were bisexual and had had same sex dalliances before they met you then would you suddenly not find them attractive anymore?
2020in2020 · 05/03/2022 20:49

Here comes the biphobia.

I think that what @AlternativePerspective says is missing the point - no one is saying you can’t have a preference. What is offensive is the usual assumption that just because someone is bisexual, they will cheat / be attracted to others, for example a bisexual man is likely to cheat on a female partner with a man. That is the biphobia, not having choices “like the gays and bisexuals have”. If you’re a heterosexual, are you constantly wanting to have sex with every member of the opposite sex you meet? Of course not. Bisexual people aren’t any more or less promiscuous than homosexual or heterosexual people.

AHungryCaterpillar · 05/03/2022 20:50

I wouldn’t date a bisexual man.

AlternativePerspective · 05/03/2022 20:51

If you were in a happy relationship with someone for a very long time and then found out they were bisexual and had had same sex dalliances before they met you then would you suddenly not find them attractive anymore? yes. Because the relationship would have been built on a lie.

DoreenBoland · 05/03/2022 20:51

@AlternativePerspective

Everyone will have attractions to others, regardless of sexuality the assumption always seems to be that people don’t want to be in a relationship with a bisexual because they think they’re more likely to cheat when that is not the case.

I wouldn’t be in a relationship with a bisexual because I am attracted to heterosexuals. It really is that simple.

What do you find unattractive about bisexual people? Genuine question.
DoreenBoland · 05/03/2022 20:53

@Gonnagetgoing

Yes. I don’t like the fact that my male partner would’ve had sex or fancy another man.
Why? This is really interesting. Why would it be different to any other historical sexual partner?
NamiSwan · 05/03/2022 20:53

I am amazed by the answers on here so far 🤯. Wouldn't bother me. I can't see why it would? But then I'm not one to get caught up worrying about my partner's sexual history.

I'm heterosexual, but I'm not "attracted to heterosexuals" as some previous posters have put. Seems utterly bizarre to say something like that. I'm a woman who is attracted to men. Whether my partner is attracted to women only or both women and men isn't really my concern - so long as he is attracted to me, that's what matters to me.

AlternativePerspective · 05/03/2022 20:55

no one is saying you can’t have a preference. What is offensive is the usual assumption that just because someone is bisexual, they will cheat / be attracted to others, for example a bisexual man is likely to cheat on a female partner with a man. That is the biphobia, not having choices “like the gays and bisexuals have”. If you’re a heterosexual, are you constantly wanting to have sex with every member of the opposite sex you meet? Of course not. Bisexual people aren’t any more or less promiscuous than homosexual or heterosexual people. but not everyone would refuse to have a relationship with a bisexual because they felt they would cheat.

I was accused of being transphobic because I refuse to be referred to as cis.

And now I’m apparently biphobic for being attracted to heterosexual men.

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 05/03/2022 20:56

My partner is bisexual. Makes absolutely no odds to me at all.

lulabellz123 · 05/03/2022 20:56

That would deffo be a problem for me. No way can I be with a man who has had sexual relations/attractions to another man. I know my partner would be attracted to other people naturally but for me consciously be aware that he could be with another man would make me feel uncomfortable. I think most men wouldn't mind though if their female partner was bisexual.

AlternativePerspective · 05/03/2022 20:59

Why? This is really interesting. Why would it be different to any other historical sexual partner? because when we got together the assumption would be tht he was heterosexual like me. Someone’s sexuality is a part of their identity, therefore I would expect people to reveal their sexual preference at the beginning of the relationship.

As such, if I found out years down the line that they had lied to me about who they were then it would destroy the trust. If they’d had multiple relationships with men as well as women then that would mean they weren’t actually the person I fell in love with.

DoreenBoland · 05/03/2022 20:59

@lulabellz123

That would deffo be a problem for me. No way can I be with a man who has had sexual relations/attractions to another man. I know my partner would be attracted to other people naturally but for me consciously be aware that he could be with another man would make me feel uncomfortable. I think most men wouldn't mind though if their female partner was bisexual.
Why though? Aside from homophobia?
Ohyesiam · 05/03/2022 20:59

It’s never bothered me

TheRealityCheque · 05/03/2022 21:00

@NamiSwan

I am amazed by the answers on here so far 🤯. Wouldn't bother me. I can't see why it would? But then I'm not one to get caught up worrying about my partner's sexual history.

I'm heterosexual, but I'm not "attracted to heterosexuals" as some previous posters have put. Seems utterly bizarre to say something like that. I'm a woman who is attracted to men. Whether my partner is attracted to women only or both women and men isn't really my concern - so long as he is attracted to me, that's what matters to me.

Spot on. Its biphobic bigotry, pure and simple.
DoreenBoland · 05/03/2022 21:00

@AlternativePerspective

Why? This is really interesting. Why would it be different to any other historical sexual partner? because when we got together the assumption would be tht he was heterosexual like me. Someone’s sexuality is a part of their identity, therefore I would expect people to reveal their sexual preference at the beginning of the relationship.

As such, if I found out years down the line that they had lied to me about who they were then it would destroy the trust. If they’d had multiple relationships with men as well as women then that would mean they weren’t actually the person I fell in love with.

Totally understand you wouldn’t want to be with a liar. But you didn’t say that. You said you wouldn’t want them to have had sex with it fancy other men.
Mymsical · 05/03/2022 21:02

I found our that a guy I had slept with has also slept with men and I felt a bit ick about it.

I also dated an amazing man who I knew upfront was bisexual and it didn't bother me in the slightest. So I guess being open from the start was important to me!