If your parter was bisexual would it bother you?

[RedRobyn2021]

I'm watching the love is blind on Netflix and one of the people participating has been with both men and women, but has decided he wants to be with a woman and has gone on the show

Anyway it got me thinking and would a man being bisexual put you off him?

I used to have a boyfriend who I knew had kissed other men when drunk a few times

He was AMAZING in bed, absolutely gorgeous and I fell in love with him quickly, it never even occurred to me to be bothered that he'd kissed men. Although he hadn't had sex with a man as far as he told me, so perhaps that different?

Interested to hear others thoughts

I dated a bi man for 3 years. Didn’t bother me and we both had similar taste in men and used to have a laugh about it.

For me, it makes no difference and my partner is bi. This makes no difference to anything at all, because we have trust in the relationship.

However, this is Mumsnet where the biphobia runs rampant, so I suspect most of the answers will be done variety of shocked and horrified "I could never"s.

It is biphobia - posters regularly say "who you/your DH had sex/a relationship with before they met you is none of your business" - but weirdly it suddenly becomes your business if it was a same sex relationship? Really? Now try that thought, but replacing "a man" with "a woman of a different race to my own" and see how racist it sounds, so yes, it's biphobia.

Since there is literally no way you can tell someone is bisexual unless they choose to tell you so, it is a prejudice. If they had experimented previously but decided they wanted a standard heterosexual lifestyle and you never knew any different, you'd never know. And they would still be bisexual.

Also the very tired and boring trope that bisexuals are somehow more likely to cheat. Which is also bollocks.

Lying or cheating are problems for sure. But the prejudice here is usually horrible.

You and your sister sound like textbook homophobes. As for “telling people in retaliation that he was bisexual”… what the fuck? The fact she thought it was “retaliation” indicates she thinks being bisexual is inherently shameful and bad, and also it’s not her business to be outing someone who might not have wanted to be out, what a nasty thing to do. I can only hope his friends and parents were decent people and didn’t think anything of her telling them this. If someone told me a friend of mine was “secretly” bi I’d say so what? What business is that of mine or yours?

Apparently he did, and it hasn't seemed to affect his sex appeal.

Mentioned this on another thread a while back, my gay cousin is very wary of catching feelings for bisexual men as he says the vast majority ultimately want a relationship with a woman. They enjoy sex with men, but that's it. He is in his 40s now and knows the gay scene very well and says this is a common view. He never said anything about lesbians but it's interesting reading comments on here from lesbians who say they too would be put off by a bisexual woman for a similar reason so it would suggest their views mirror that of gay men.

So the conclusion from this hypothesis is that a straight person who wouldn't date a bisexual person (and its predominately straight women I'm referring to as it's common knowledge that straight men have far less of an issue with it) as they'd be wary of them being unfulfilled and wanting the same sex is a misplaced concern. The only issue is the ick part (a feeling which cannot be helped) in having a partner who is also attracted to their own sex.

Someone’s sexuality is a part of their identity

It bothers me, and this is why. It would mean he couldn't be his full self in an exclusive relationship with me.

In a similar way - not the same, I'm just coming up with top-of-the-head examples - I wouldn't build a relationship with deeply religious man, since I'm an atheist, or one with hard right politics.

I'm not about to change a fundamental part of who I am for a partner, or try to ignore part of who I am. And I wouldn't want a partner to do so.

I would have a problem with it, a huge one.

Somewhere in the back of my head I would feel I was playing second fiddle.

I would suspect (rightly or wrongly) that they were actually gay but not prepared to live as a gay man.

Rationally, I know those statements are not necessarily true. But that's how I would feel. And life is tricky enough to navigate, maybe that makes me emotionally lazy, but I don't think I'd do it to myself. I can envision mental gymnastics on my part to make it all ok.

I'm a bi man, and if people don't want to date a bi person, then fine with me.

But this post really confused me. I've been with DP for nearly twenty years, at no point have I ever "not been my full self with her". She knows I'm bi, but it's not something that comes up on a regular basis, because I'm in a long term monogamous relationship with her.

Yeah, I'm not exactly going "God, he's hot, I'd love a bit of that" to her, but I don't do that about other women either, because either way it'd upset DP!

Yes, I haven't had sex with another man in twenty years, and yeah, occasionally I fantasise about that. But I haven't had sex with a woman other than DP in nearly 20 years either, and like most heterosexual people, sometimes I fantasise about that too.

Sex is sex, whether its with a man or a woman, and I'm not missing out on anything by being monogamous that any other monogamous person isn't also missing out on, whether hetero, homo, or bi-sexual.

It would be a definite no.
I wouldn’t be able to get the horrible (to me) images out of my head.