If your parter was bisexual would it bother you?

[RedRobyn2021]

I'm watching the love is blind on Netflix and one of the people participating has been with both men and women, but has decided he wants to be with a woman and has gone on the show

Anyway it got me thinking and would a man being bisexual put you off him?

I used to have a boyfriend who I knew had kissed other men when drunk a few times

He was AMAZING in bed, absolutely gorgeous and I fell in love with him quickly, it never even occurred to me to be bothered that he'd kissed men. Although he hadn't had sex with a man as far as he told me, so perhaps that different?

Interested to hear others thoughts

@GlitchStitch

Nope I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with a bisexual man, I would find it a turn off. Also of the men I know who have told people they are bi, this is always a stepping stone to them eventually coming out as gay.

It used to be a turn off for me, now I have a bisexual DP. He's never actually done anything, so I'm not sure of it 'counts'. It makes no difference to our lives at all, I barely remember.

Also, same sex attraction isn't that unusual, I couldn't give a shit. I may be turned on by a woman's body, doesn't mean anything at all.

It is what it is though, I get the concerns. But SO many people are attracted to the same-sex. Bisexual people are just the ones who admit it.

The biphobia on this thread is truly appalling...

See I find this odd - I'd worry that a bisexual would crave something that I couldn't provide, my physicality may not satisfy them

Because you don't have a dick? But what's different to not having, say, big boobs, or having a preference not to do anal or perform oral or something. Plenty of women have preferences like that and don't worry that their husband is going to be unsatisfied because of it. In fact we'd think he was pretty unreasonable if he did!

I don't think it's morally wrong not to be attracted to a man who is bisexual BTW, and I do understand that sexuality is weird and not always easily explainable, I actually think that "I don't know why not but just nope" is totally normal and fair, but I do sometimes think that people have some odd ideas about bisexuality which just aren't rooted in reality and that seems a little bit unfair. I have never ever been attracted to a man and then suddenly felt unfulfilled because he doesn't have boobs or a vagina. If I felt that way surely I would be lesbian. I'm not. Maybe I have weirdly un-physical sexual desires? Maybe people's sexuality is just different and it's really hard for some people to separate out a craving for a particular physicality.

I never had a problem with it. I just wanted anyone I was dating to be open and honest at the beginning of the relationship.

@wingscrow

The biphobia on this thread is truly appalling...

Not rtft but not wanting to date anyone is personal choice always even if you don't agree. If there's any genuine homophobic comments I assume they'll be removed given how often posts are deleted on this site

@wingscrow

The biphobia on this thread is truly appalling...

Wingscrow.

It is accusations of biphobia that then trigger more harsh and blunt responses.
People are honest and say no and then are criticised, questioned, told their answer is wrong, biphobic and so on

Then that annoys people and people become defiant and harsh with their words because the accusations of being biphobic for stating their true preference and opinion are wrong.

It happens on every single one of these threads, along with transphobic etc...

@AlternativePerspective

Why? This is really interesting. Why would it be different to any other historical sexual partner? because when we got together the assumption would be tht he was heterosexual like me. Someone’s sexuality is a part of their identity, therefore I would expect people to reveal their sexual preference at the beginning of the relationship.

As such, if I found out years down the line that they had lied to me about who they were then it would destroy the trust. If they’d had multiple relationships with men as well as women then that would mean they weren’t actually the person I fell in love with.

And that makes an utter mockery of your claim that you are 'attracted to heterosexuals.' If you can't actually tell if a man is het or bi, then that is not something that can possibly form a basis in your sexual attraction. You can still have personal preferences, deal-breakers, things that automatically exclude a potential partner, etc. But those have pretty much fuck all to do with physical/sexual attraction. I have a number of personal preferences and deal-breakers but just knowing that someone isn't someone I'm likely to be able to be happy with, doesn't actually stop me from being physically attractive. It makes me choose to not act on that attraction but it's not part of my sexuality.

I’ve been in relationships with and dated women who are only attracted to other women and women who are attracted to both men and women and It didn’t make a bit of difference to how I felt about them.

@owlinnahat

I am bisexual, as is DH (he actually ID'd as gay for a while before we met), so obvs I'm fine with it. I have actually only ever encountered the "it's just a personal preference of mine to find bisexual people untrustworthy and disgusting" brigade on MN. I think if I met someone in real life who said that I'd develop a quick personal preference to not be friends with them.

It’s not that I find anyone untrustworthy or disgusting, but I just couldn’t fancy a man who fancied other men. My XP used to joke about having a crush on Zac Efron which I found hilarious, but if I knew he’d actually had relationships with men I don’t think I could find him as attractive. I’m the most heterosexual person he’d ever met apparently, not even a smidge of same sex attraction, and I’d prefer the same from a man. I’m not one of those women who has ever kissed a woman or had a “girl crush” and I don’t fancy men who wear eyeliner or are in any way androgynous. I like hairy masculine and totally straight men. There was a moment a while ago where “super straight” was a thing until it was denounced as transphobic. But if I was allowed, I’d identify as super straight.

@Wanderingowl
It doesn't make a mockery of it when it's a very real phenomenon that occurs.
Someone can be completely physically attracted to someone when assuming they are heterosexual but when they find out they are bisexual they lose all sexual attraction.
How can that not be part of someones sexuality?
It very clearly is!!

@RoyKentsChestHair
Straight erasure is the new thing!

All I hear now is that no one is 100% straight, which is total nonsense, many people are.

I don't think it's biphobic to say I wouldn't want to be married to a bisexual man. That's my preference. That's like saying lesbians are transphobic just because they won't sleep with a biological man. I don't object to bisexual people, I just don't want to be married to one.

[quote bluesberry]@RoyKentsChestHair
Straight erasure is the new thing!

All I hear now is that no one is 100% straight, which is total nonsense, many people are.[/quote]
Gay erasure is also a thing now. Everybody has to be fluid and only be attracted to ‘identities’
It’s ridiculous

@Jellyfishjean

I don't think it's biphobic to say I wouldn't want to be married to a bisexual man. That's my preference. That's like saying lesbians are transphobic just because they won't sleep with a biological man. I don't object to bisexual people, I just don't want to be married to one.

People do say that already unfortunately...or a straight man is transphobic if he wouldn't sleep with a trans woman etc.

I'm bisexual.

I don't think it's biphobic to say that your preference is to not date a bisexual person, unless you say that the reason is that you believe bisexual people are likely to be promiscuous or unfaithful.

I would still defend your absolute right to say that you believe that, if it is your belief, but I would say that the belief is inherently biphobic and ignorant.

Zero problem at all

(Can I add that I might ask him for an mmf threesome though 😆😆😜😜😜)

@ThreeBalloons

@Simonjt
@flashpaper Why do you think gay men wouldn’t want to date bisexual men?

I don’t understand this either? I mean I’m sure there are some who do have a problem with it *but also some who don’t (just as on this thread there are women with different views). I don’t think you can really generalise about gay men’s preferences any more than straight women’s?!^

But you're saying exactly what @flashpaper was saying. They didn't make a general comment about gay men. Their comment was about people respecting and not judging a singular guy man who might not be interested in sex with a bisexual man....
I can't imagine anyone complaining if a gay man didn't want to be with a bisexual man.

[quote bluesberry]@Wanderingowl
It doesn't make a mockery of it when it's a very real phenomenon that occurs.
Someone can be completely physically attracted to someone when assuming they are heterosexual but when they find out they are bisexual they lose all sexual attraction.
How can that not be part of someones sexuality?
It very clearly is!![/quote]
Because there is absolutely no such thing as a sexuality that is only attracted to people of one sex who are also attracted to people of one sex. That's not a sexuality. That's a preference within a sexuality. And there is nothing wrong with that, we all have our preferences and that's fine. But claiming this, that and the other thing are all sexualities has our whole society in a fucking mess. A woman who only wants to have sex/relationships with heterosexual men is absolutely fine. But that's still just part of her heterosexuality and not a special facet of sexuality.

Heterosexuality doesn't mean only being attracted to heterosexuals of the opposite sex. Heterosexual women can be attracted to bisexual and even homosexual men. It happens. And sure, finding out that a guy you are attracted to has had sex with men in the past may be a turn off to some women. If I'm 100% honest, I tend to have something like the opposite of that reaction. But neither ends of those spectrums constitute a sexuality in and of themselves.

@AlternativePerspective

Why? This is really interesting. Why would it be different to any other historical sexual partner? because when we got together the assumption would be tht he was heterosexual like me. Someone’s sexuality is a part of their identity, therefore I would expect people to reveal their sexual preference at the beginning of the relationship.

As such, if I found out years down the line that they had lied to me about who they were then it would destroy the trust. If they’d had multiple relationships with men as well as women then that would mean they weren’t actually the person I fell in love with.

But you’re not being asked if you’d want to be in relationship with a liar, who would?

@Jellyfishjean

I don't think it's biphobic to say I wouldn't want to be married to a bisexual man. That's my preference. That's like saying lesbians are transphobic just because they won't sleep with a biological man. I don't object to bisexual people, I just don't want to be married to one.

That's comparing apples with coal. If you are physically capable of being attracted to men, it's possible that you could become attracted to a bisexual man. Then if you don't want to get involved with him because of your preferences that's fine. But it's not even remotely comparable to a lesbian not being attracted to a transwoman. Lesbians can only experience attraction to biological women. They can not, ever be sexually attracted to a transwoman. It's not physically possible. Comparing your preference with someone else's immutable sexuality, is really not even a little bit ok.

What happened to that boyfriend you once had who was so wonderful?

As he’s not around now, in spite of being so special, I wondered if by any chance his possibly being bisexual had affected how you related to him?

@lulabellz123

Also alot of women dont identify as bisexual but I'm sure straight women are also attracted to some extent to other women too. I think most straight women watch lesbian porn as it helps them get off...

Well, no I can honestly say that does not apply to me at all . However in answer to the original question , a lot would depend on whether I knew about my partners sexuality from the start or whether I found out later - it would feel dishonest otherwise which is a turnoff.

The other issue for me would be that I would worry that I would not 'be enough' for a bisexual Partner , and I don't mean that they would be more likely to be unfaithful in a sexual relationship, more that I couldn't satisfy their needs emotionally as well, as I would imagine there would be things I couldn't supply that a same sex partner could. I am aware that that probably arises from my own insecurities though . I hope I have explained myself clearly, without upsetting anyone

I wouldn’t because men having sex with men is a sexual turn off for me. It’s not a homophobic/biphobic thing in that I don’t think badly of men who are gay or bisexual at all, I just am not sexually attracted to them. I’m also turned off by men more than 10ish years older or younger than me, men who are smaller than me, men with high pitched voices, men who are very overweight or obese, men whose religious/cultural values don’t align closely enough to mine, men who’ve slept with hundreds of different women, men who ask for anal sex more than once (really really not my idea of sexy, it seems like it would be painful and gross to me). men who don’t want children, men who let their dog sleep on their bed, men who gamble… like previous posters I’m not interested in unpicking this stuff, I just don’t sleep with men I’m not attracted to. Some of this stuff changes and evolves over time but right now all of it would be dealbreaker territory for me.