Tick tock: the one where Geller discovers Polly is no longer a doormat

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

AKA Co-parenting: I do not think it means what you think it means

Here we go again my lovelies! Will this be the one where I finally get divorced?!

Previous thread here

I have clock news! Turns out, no one wants it. Quelle surprise. Could I sell it? No, sez I, it’s worth ha’penny tuppence on a good day. Plus, no time.

Ha ha.

I suggested, because I am a kind hearted soul and because it’s already in a box and I don’t know which one that they keep the clock face and I get rid of the mechanism and the case. That appears to be a reasonable compromise. Pass me an axe.

The reason for the clock conversation? My brother phoned. My mother has given away my grandfather’s WW1 medals to a museum. WTF?! We’re going to try and get them back. She can’t see what she’s done wrong.

Solicitors on the other side for the house purchase are useless. Estate agent spoke to them today. They are awaiting proof of ID and funds on account?! WTF. I lost my shit a bit. I’d just come back from having a filling so I sounded three gins down, which I’m sure added to the effect.

Oh, and I haven’t stopped laughing for the last hour. A friend has found Geller’s profile on a dating app. It contains such gems as ‘addressing climate change one word at a time in my career as a professional’ and goes on to claim he ‘always has time’

Given me the best laugh I’ve had since my solicitor said she’d call me just to be sure that I wanted to file for absolute once the finance order is made…

Anyway, buckle up loves. It’ll be a ride, as ever…glad you could join me.

The relief of not having to prep, research, order, book, do admin, & drive alone, on any single trip, is something I have not lived since I was a child,
I totally understand the luxury of being "looked after" or at least supported.
I said to my H recently after a particularly anguishing trip, including the preparation period before, during & after the week end, that he just arrives with his hands in his pockets.
Have a fab holiday, enjoy every single crisp lungful of alpine air,
The dollies will survive. Its only 7 days most of which they will be in school away from their moaning father

Have an amazing time!

Nobody has ever done the holiday legwork for me and since I plan on staying resolutely single, nobody ever well - but at least I do it for me and the teenagers, not for anyone else.

Have a wonderful time @Polly. Give it large on and off the piste.

Heh, during the run-up to our divorce which XH was contesting every step of the way, he said he would co-operate as long as I signed an agreement that I wouldn't date anyone else. I said are you going to sign a matching agreement to that effect? He said no, that's different. How is it different? Well, if I were dating I might be going to give the DC a stepfather but if he was dating he wouldn't be going to give them a stepmother. Or something. (All but one of the DC was over 18 at that point.)

I didn't sign any bleedin' thing and the divorce went through. I haven't dated anyone since, but only because I couldn't be bothered. I still reserve the right to shag the Brigade of Guards if the situation should arise when I'm in the mood, but it's all theoretical anyway.

Have a fabulous time Polly.
For the supermarché Giant Babybel, can't get them here, I'm assuming they're available in France (I usually get them in Germany)
Oh and the Milka bars that are biscuit on the bottom, massive guilty pleasure .

Vivre la revolution! Have a amazing time Polly

Just de-lurking to say bon voyage. You deserve this.

Bonjour mes amis

Well, Geller is trying his best to sabotage the trip.

When I dropped off the Dollies stuff yesterday morning we ended up having an epic row about DD1’s school cardigan. I asked if he could go and get her a new one as the night before she had come to me and shown me a rip and several buttons missing / hanging off (I swear it wasn’t like that when she went to school Thursday!). He flew off the handle about how he’s SO BUSY and will be juggling SO MUCH and won’t have time. Yes, I know full well what it’s like but you know what? You MAKE time. We ended up having a massive doorstep argument. What a twat. Of course, it’s not about the cardigan at all. He wanted to send me off wound up and pissed off about something.

Then the messages started last night. You’re not going to believe it, but he’s managed to get his next door neighbour to do what he calls ‘running repairs’ on her cardigan. Once again, he’s got a woman to help him out. Once again, he’s not having to do anything.

To be clear, I am only responding if it is to do with the girls wellbeing. And only then with a thumbs up.

Then he called twice. Needless to say, when I messaged to say are the Dollies ok, he ignored me.

I was having supper in a cellar bar with no reception. Was only when I got back to the hotel that they all came through. Westley said to me that he thinks Geller has zero respect for me and the role I play and he’s right.

I can’t cope with this shit for a week. I cried myself to sleep last night. And that’s what he wants.

I need to keep the channels open but honest to fucking god I want to tell him to piss off and grow up. He hasn’t learned at all from what happened a couple of weeks ago, he won’t actually man up and parent, and worst of all I know how upset the Dollies will be.

(We’re having a lovely time. Zero stress, lots of laughter, steak frites and champagne last night.)

Glad (other than this) you are having a great time. Force yourself to keep on doing so! Your dollies will be fine.

This is classic controlling behaviour designed to do what it is doing. Unsettle you and put you back into line. Hard though it is ignore ignore ignore. He is not going to learn, not going to change, the dynamic can only be changed by you. For your sake and the dollies you need to do this. Appeasement rarely works even in the short term.

I know I keep banging on but it’s from bitter experience, both my own and thousands of others.

You need to get him out your head. Minimum contact, not in your house, an end to calls, arrangements set in stone at least in the short to medium term. It is better for the girls too although it might seem harsh. Less stress, better example for them going forward. If he can’t cope then look again at arrangements ( via formal approach not chat). It’s almost impossible to Co parent with a man like this, parallel parenting might be possible.

Again FP if you’ve not started. Start to get him out of your head. Start now. Fucking cardigans, I ask you! Have a great holiday!

I think you need to fire off another warning shot. “Unless there is a GENUINE emergency with the girls, I do not want to hear from you. I am not your wife, your PA or your sounding board. While I am their mother, I much more than that too. I am also a separate human being. Your constant need for my time, attention and input is making me seriously question whether you are up to the task of having them at all.”

"I really appreciate you having the kids. Thanks for sorting out the cardigan. Thats one less thing for me to worry about. We really needed this time. We are having a great holiday so far. We had such a lovely time at a wine bar last night. We will be skiing all day tomorrow. I have a really poor signal here. But I will try and send you some pics. I hope your getting some real quality time with the girls. Thanks again."

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Feel free to recommend what I should bring back. I’ve got soap, cheese, wine and saucisson on my list so far. Oh, and apricot jam.

What about some Calvados? It was mentioned to me many, MANY years ago and I finally bought a bottle just before last Christmas. Utterly delicious and might go well with your cheese.

Plus also some chocolate truffles?

Also regarding that total prat Geller, yes he's trying to get in your head and ruin any good thing that happens in your life - much as he succeeded in doing in your earlier years of relationship with him. He just cannot bear to see you happy and moving on with your life, especially as the last woman saw him for what he is and scarpered.

Your happiness and growing mental resilience is a fly in his soup and he'll always use the girls as ammunition against you, because he sees them as your Achilles heel.

He will never be the father your daughters deserve or any sort of well-rounded person so, (sorry) you will need to find some way of preempting his jealous and self centred behaviour. I also second @MsPavlichenko's post.

Having said all that, hurrah for Westlie and the fact that your girls will continue to compare their life with you vs their life with him, and will increasingly find him lacking. Hold on tight for now. 🌹

To switch to Pollyanna mode, thank goodness for cellar bars with no reception!

@Fraaahnces

I think you need to fire off another warning shot. “Unless there is a GENUINE emergency with the girls, I do not want to hear from you. I am not your wife, your PA or your sounding board. While I am their mother, I much more than that too. I am also a separate human being. Your constant need for my time, attention and input is making me seriously question whether you are up to the task of having them at all.”

Fantastic response. :)

Polly have a lovely time and try not to let Gellar into your head exile you are away x

*while

Hi, I would switch off your phone for hours at a time. And then get Westly to glance through them for you - so he can tell you if there is anything important.
To be honest how Geller sorts the cardigan problem shouldn't be something for you to think about.
As long as they are safe and well. Enjoy your break!

Yep you are on holiday, keep your phone switched off. In a genuine emergency you will be tracked down!

Do you have a friend that you could give Westlie's number to and tell Gellar to contact said friend in a genuine emergency from now on? Honestly I would block him on your phone and read his emails once a week.

In fact you could get Westlie to read them to filter.

Has he not heard of internet shopping?

I agree with Random, get Westley to filter for you. It will wash off him and he can alert you if there are any real issues with the girls. Plus Gellar will be none the wiser and you can enjoy your holiday.

You could also try and find a “Happy Retirement” card in French. Two birds, one stone.

Fig & walnut boursin

Delurking to say my French shopping list is:

Bonne Maman everything
Creme de marron in a tube
Tins of cassoulet and confit de canard
Jars of terrine / rillettes
Vichy mints
Long strips of sweeties (perfect for Dollies)

Not from the supermarket but the pharmacy that will be nearby:

Nuxe lip balm in a jar (NOT the tube, don’t waste your time)
Bioderma everything
Hexodermine (powerful spot blaster you dab on very tentatively with a cotton bud)
Fevrex raspberry (turbocharged lemsip)
Klorane dry shampoo

Have a wonderful time and Geller can FOTTFSOF

Frankly I would have responded to that message about getting a neighbour to make running repairs with what you posted, I.e. "Yet again you have relied on a woman to help you out, yet again you do nothing. You are a useless and ineffectual parent, you always were".

I think the suggestion to get Westley to check all messages from the fuckwit is a very good idea. I bet he'd be happy to help if it means you being stress-free this week.

I'm very envious about your trip to La Belle France, hope you have a fab time.

Teisseire syrups are another one for the shopping list. Especially grenadine.

Discodancinggiraffe's response is hilarious, not at all what he expects.
He is deliberately trying to wind you up.

You shouldn't have argued about the cardigan, You trill, I'm off, I'm sure you'll manage. If not she will have go to school in rags, they will see who us in charge.
& about turn.

Let Westley read your messages in the evening.
Dont even consider reading them in the daytime