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Original poster

Tick tock: the one where Geller discovers Polly is no longer a doormat

995 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 04/03/2022 22:23

AKA Co-parenting: I do not think it means what you think it means

Here we go again my lovelies! Will this be the one where I finally get divorced?!

Previous thread here

I have clock news! Turns out, no one wants it. Quelle surprise. Could I sell it? No, sez I, it’s worth ha’penny tuppence on a good day. Plus, no time.

Ha ha.

I suggested, because I am a kind hearted soul and because it’s already in a box and I don’t know which one that they keep the clock face and I get rid of the mechanism and the case. That appears to be a reasonable compromise. Pass me an axe.

The reason for the clock conversation? My brother phoned. My mother has given away my grandfather’s WW1 medals to a museum. WTF?! We’re going to try and get them back. She can’t see what she’s done wrong.

Solicitors on the other side for the house purchase are useless. Estate agent spoke to them today. They are awaiting proof of ID and funds on account?! WTF. I lost my shit a bit. I’d just come back from having a filling so I sounded three gins down, which I’m sure added to the effect.

Oh, and I haven’t stopped laughing for the last hour. A friend has found Geller’s profile on a dating app. It contains such gems as ‘addressing climate change one word at a time in my career as a professional’ and goes on to claim he ‘always has time’

Given me the best laugh I’ve had since my solicitor said she’d call me just to be sure that I wanted to file for absolute once the finance order is made…

Anyway, buckle up loves. It’ll be a ride, as ever…glad you could join me.

OP posts:
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pointythings · 09/04/2022 22:31

BobIsMyUncle would it be worth you starting your own thread to get support that is bespoke to you? It sounds as if you have been through an awful lot and are addressing it, but having your own space on MN might be just the thing. Doesn't mean you can't be here supporting Polly, you can pay it forward at the same time.

I had so much support on here when my marriage was detonating, I wouldn't have been without it.

CliffsofMohair · 10/04/2022 14:00

@Mix56

I remember you fell in love pretty fast with PC Plod as well. I wonder if you need to slow down, & get on with your life, your girls, your divorce, your house, your professional qualifications. Obviously you are happy when W us around, but you need ti be a whole self sufficient happy entity before tying yourself to another man. You wont be able to take off on holiday every couple of months, you presumably dont have the luxury of loads of money for flights, & some of your holidays will have yo be spent with the girls. Even if you met half way it just sounds like agony
I’d be printing Mix’s safe advice here and sticking it on the fridge. If you still are having sessions with your therapist this would be a timely thing to explore. Too much, too soon, too risky (sorry!) . Good luck with the exchange. X
SecretDoor · 11/04/2022 09:57

Take control and split with W. Look upon it as a fling that was nice whilst it lasted. Grieve then focus on your new home and work and friends
Your DDs are nearly tweens and the next few years will be hard for them . You need to be totally there for them as Geller is so awful and won't cope with the inevitable tween stresses. A ldr will just be too difficult to maintain

purplecorkheart · 11/04/2022 13:27

@SecretDoor

Take control and split with W. Look upon it as a fling that was nice whilst it lasted. Grieve then focus on your new home and work and friends Your DDs are nearly tweens and the next few years will be hard for them . You need to be totally there for them as Geller is so awful and won't cope with the inevitable tween stresses. A ldr will just be too difficult to maintain
I am sorry Polly but I tend to agree. Having a long distance relationship is tough when you are both fully committed which from what I have read W. appears not to be. Adding your DDs into the mix is going to make it pretty impossible. You are not going to fly away for two weeks at a time and leave them. Financially are you going to be able to afford it. I have a feeling W. will expect you to do all the flying in and out.
ExMachinaDeus · 11/04/2022 14:25

Tough love @StuckInPollyannaMode but have you ever lived much as an adult not in a relationship?

You’re just completing a difficult divorce from a plonker. You’ve been in two relationships since then and both times you’ve said you were taking things slowly and being careful and were in control, but both times you e fallen hard and quickly.

You need to find your emotional independence. And your self-esteem.

Neither of these are dependent on being half of a couple. You need to learn to live alone and find the personal power in that. It’ll help put in those boundaries with your DCs’ father, and help you recover.

RobertsRadio · 11/04/2022 15:20

@ExMachinaDeus

Tough love *@StuckInPollyannaMode* but have you ever lived much as an adult not in a relationship?

You’re just completing a difficult divorce from a plonker. You’ve been in two relationships since then and both times you’ve said you were taking things slowly and being careful and were in control, but both times you e fallen hard and quickly.

You need to find your emotional independence. And your self-esteem.

Neither of these are dependent on being half of a couple. You need to learn to live alone and find the personal power in that. It’ll help put in those boundaries with your DCs’ father, and help you recover.

I'm afraid I agree with everything this poster says Polly.
ByeByeMissAmericanPie · 12/04/2022 07:49

Not posted much for a while @StuckInPollyannaMode but if the girls come first (which they should do) and you have a house to buy 🤞🏼, and a divorce to finalise AND professional qualifications to get… I’d concentrate on that.
Get your own house in order, and your self esteem through the roof first.

I’m at a similar point in my divorce and I’ve had to apologise TWICE to the biggest narcissic twat of a STBEX for something that was of his own making. My mistake was to respond.

There’s something I need him to do. It would cost far less if I didn’t have to get my SHL to write to his.

When I went for my next appointment, wringing my hands that I’d had to apologise. Yet again. My counsellor said ‘You were aware that you were doing it for the right reasons’.

I’m walking through treacle to get out of 20+ years of this, and sometimes we have to square up to certain types of behaviour (as in not rocking the boat) prior to getting the paperwork done and through the Courts.

As long as you are aware of what you’re doing in order to get the right outcome, that’s ok.

comfortablyfrumpy · 12/04/2022 09:42

I've been giving this a lot of thought, Polly, on what I'd do in your shoes.

I made a conscious decision when my ex left, that I would not be dating for the foreseeable. But I'm probably older than you, and my children were young teens at the time. My ex was going from GF to GF and introducing them to the kids way too early, which upset them (and still does). To be honest I don't think I'd have had time to date anyway but that' s a moot point.

5 years on I still haven't dated and I've decided I don't want to. I'm happy in my own company and have worked hard on building my self-esteem, which was rather on the floor.

Fraaahnces · 12/04/2022 10:07

I think that Polly and Westley will have already made up their minds about what they want to do about their future together/apart. I do think Polly has every reason to be disappointed that he didn’t tell her earlier that this job was in the wind if he knew he was going for it, and that was stopping him from jumping in heart first…. But I don’t think we should alienate Polly with opinions just yet.

BobISMyUncle · 12/04/2022 12:28

Thank you, all of you, so much. What a bunch of vipers! Your support is so appreciated, thank you. I'm keeping busy. Polly, I apologise for hijacking. Remember please, that I'm your alibi, should you ever need one. Incidentally, neighbours are digging their veggie patch. They don't have a patio, but they do have quite a large veggie patch, which may prove to be useful in future.
@Fraaanhnes thank you for your kind comments. I am happy with my position in their dynamics, really, honestly I am. We had such a good relationship. I just miss them and their escapades. And that weird thing that twins have.
I'm off to learn arm knitting. I fully expect to get into all sorts of trouble with that! No change there then. I am my twins sister.

BobISMyUncle · 12/04/2022 13:37

This reply has been deleted

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BobISMyUncle · 12/04/2022 16:59

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BobISMyUncle · 12/04/2022 17:04

I wasn't even there.

BobISMyUncle · 12/04/2022 17:23

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BobISMyUncle · 12/04/2022 17:26

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Fraaahnces · 12/04/2022 21:52

Get your own thread @BobISMyUncle

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 13/04/2022 07:54

Bob, are you ok? X

Fraaahnces · 13/04/2022 09:32

Bob, I genuinely think you need some meds, Love…

MNHQ
MichaelMumsnet · 13/04/2022 09:55

Hi all, we've removed a few posts from this thread whilst we contact the poster to find out what's going on. Hopefully things will get back on track now.

pointythings · 13/04/2022 09:57

I think Bob needs some RL support as well as online on their own thread.

purplecorkheart · 13/04/2022 15:00

@ExMachinaDeus

Tough love *@StuckInPollyannaMode* but have you ever lived much as an adult not in a relationship?

You’re just completing a difficult divorce from a plonker. You’ve been in two relationships since then and both times you’ve said you were taking things slowly and being careful and were in control, but both times you e fallen hard and quickly.

You need to find your emotional independence. And your self-esteem.

Neither of these are dependent on being half of a couple. You need to learn to live alone and find the personal power in that. It’ll help put in those boundaries with your DCs’ father, and help you recover.

Very wise words here.
BornBlonde · 13/04/2022 23:14

Polly I really hope the house completion has happened!

comfortablyfrumpy · 14/04/2022 07:51

@BornBlonde

Polly I really hope the house completion has happened!
Yes, fingers and everything crossed!
RobertsRadio · 14/04/2022 09:08

I do hope the exchange went through Polly.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 14/04/2022 13:54

Wishing you all the best for your new home and a new and happy life there @StuckInPollyannaMode .

(Also wishing succour for sorrow to @BobISMyUncle.)