Tick tock: the one where Geller discovers Polly is no longer a doormat

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

AKA Co-parenting: I do not think it means what you think it means

Here we go again my lovelies! Will this be the one where I finally get divorced?!

Previous thread here

I have clock news! Turns out, no one wants it. Quelle surprise. Could I sell it? No, sez I, it’s worth ha’penny tuppence on a good day. Plus, no time.

Ha ha.

I suggested, because I am a kind hearted soul and because it’s already in a box and I don’t know which one that they keep the clock face and I get rid of the mechanism and the case. That appears to be a reasonable compromise. Pass me an axe.

The reason for the clock conversation? My brother phoned. My mother has given away my grandfather’s WW1 medals to a museum. WTF?! We’re going to try and get them back. She can’t see what she’s done wrong.

Solicitors on the other side for the house purchase are useless. Estate agent spoke to them today. They are awaiting proof of ID and funds on account?! WTF. I lost my shit a bit. I’d just come back from having a filling so I sounded three gins down, which I’m sure added to the effect.

Oh, and I haven’t stopped laughing for the last hour. A friend has found Geller’s profile on a dating app. It contains such gems as ‘addressing climate change one word at a time in my career as a professional’ and goes on to claim he ‘always has time’

Given me the best laugh I’ve had since my solicitor said she’d call me just to be sure that I wanted to file for absolute once the finance order is made…

Anyway, buckle up loves. It’ll be a ride, as ever…glad you could join me.

Quick update from me. I’m here, I’m still reading, still thinking. Life is pretty full on right now. I feel pretty vulnerable and upset to be honest.

Still not exchanged, which is painful. But I took the Dollies round the house yesterday and they loved it!

Happy Easter everyone.

Happy Easter @StuckInPollyannaMode and the Dollies

Oh Polly, dont beat yourself up over it.
It will be what it will be.
Enjoy him while you can, enjoy Easter with your dds, your friends.
It may be that you manage with no @special other" at your side, for 3 years,
Either of you may have interim distractions, you may slot back into the romance once or twice a year, it may be he is the love of your life & it all comes good & you walk off into the sunset.
Or you may find another path.
The fact is, he is going & its not something you can control.

@StuckInPollyannaMode still keeping it all crossed for exchange.

You will find a way forward with or without Westley.

Not surprised you feel vulnerable, you have so much on your plate right now. Divorce alone is bad enough. Divorcing someone like Gellar takes enormous strength, patience and determination. You have also got everything else on top of that.
But it will all fall into place, one bit at a time.

You are an amazing woman, setting a magnificent example to your Dollies.

Have a lovely Easter x

Strength to you, @StuckInPollyannaMode. You will get there. 🌻 🌈 for you.

Hope the exchange happens soon and you and the Dollies can start to settle in quickly.
Happy Easter 💐

You and Wesley have something good.

It is time for sorrow - if it is ending.

(The new job might finish it - missing you might finish the new job - so this is still a time of uncertainty.)

Whatever happens though, remember that you found this happiness really quickly after escaping from the dead-hand of Geller (and your family).

Don't think me a cold-heart if I say that you might find the world holds many more men with the Wesley effect. Wesley seems to be a normal good guy. You will be amazed to find how many of those there are in real life. Every good one you connect with will help over-write all the damage done by your family and by Geller.

Sorry to read your update Polly. Sending you a hug. Have a lovely Easter and be kind to yourself

With all the technology nowadays, LDRs may have a better chance of working.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. But you can and will get through this. Just take one thing at a time.

I don't know if you've watched "The Marvelous Mrs Maisel" on Amazon (highly recommend BTW) but my BFF and I have adopted a catchphrase from that show when we need a boost of courage and 'go get 'em!'. So "Tits Up" @StuckInPollyannaMode , you can do this.

Hope your ok Polly.

I’m hoping that no updates from Polly means she’s a very busy person who has just completed and exchanged on her new home.

I'm concerned too that Polly seems to be the one doing all the running here. Why are you the one having to do all the travelling? Will he be using all of his leave to come back and visit you as often as possible? It may be that you've already discussed these things and quite reasonably have not shared every single detail with us, but it sounds like you are seriously considering leaving your girls for a fortnight at a time on a semi-regular basis to pursue this relationship, which with a father who was even semi-competent would be in advisable but with Geller is surely unthinkable?

I've been following along in admiration, delurking with a slightly contrary view about long distance relationships. Please bear with me, trying to crystallise something a bit amorphous.

I think, after a damaging relationship, there's a collective desire for a Prince Charming to come along with picket fences and a Happy Ever After. Of course! But it's then also very easy to lose ourselves in a new relationship, to follow the conventional script, to try and get back on track with how we feel it should have been in the first place.

A LDR requires more self-reliance, more introspection, more creative ways of being together and apart. It keeps your amazing girls front and centre. It gives you time and space to heal, to grow strong boundaries, to get to know yourself better, to experiment, to develop different ways of being in relationship.

That might be more valuable and just as appealing as the tug toward a conventional fairytale ending?

A LDR also encourages a being in the moment, and taking responsibility for it, which is great for anyone who has ever put up with something by trading it off against an anticipated or imagined future. Would you do and say and be with Westley or whoever in this way, right now, this hour, if there were no tomorrow? (Whether breakup or zombies or rise of the sentient potato mashers.) YES is present, eyes wide open, full agency. NO is conditional, with worlds to be unpacked. Ofc, we all tend to look forward, and your girls make it necessary to some extent; but it is empowering to make choices with such clarity and self-responsibilty.

I'm also not so bothered by Westley also having stuff to figure out. He seems to be taking you and yours in his stride with grace and patience; nothing wrong with that being reciprocated by you, in a mutually supportive relationship. Within reason, of course, the balance is key; but I'd be wary of our fairytale conditioning, where a perfectly sorted hero rescues a messy heroine.

Long, sorry! Hopefully something in there is helpful. Big love to you Polly x

Just checking in and see you're struggling right now Polly. Take all the time you need to decide what's best for you.
Fingers crossed house closes soon.

Oh for goodness’ sake! Polly is a grown woman with a sound working mind, a successful career, better professional credentials that the creeping death she escaped, has put her family in her rear vision and is quite capable of making intelligent choices!!! Look at the way she is raising her girls!!! She is absolutely putting their needs first every time. She doesn’t need the opinions of a pack of self-appointed Nannas who haven’t ever met her. She isn’t twelve. We don’t know W or what arrangements he’s made either. Let the woman breathe.

@Fraaahnces

creeping death

Great description- pity he isn't silent as well!

Hope you are OK @StuckInPollyannaMode 🌹

Lovely Polly, I feel I must echo the wise words of @ExMachinaDeus who has said succinctly what I was thinking as I caught up with your thread.

In a relatively short space of time you’ve realised that your H is not D at all, you’ve split from him, had two relationships where both times you’ve fallen quite hard and fast, had to deal with your parents and odd family, find a new home, start laying the foundations for a new life and bring up up two lovely children. That’s a huge load for anyone.

As for Geller, yes, we have told you repeatedly you can ignore his texts and messages, we’ve suggested ways of tackling his twatishness. Time to stop saying you can’t ignore him and to start saying - and believing - you can. You really can!

Hope the house buying is finally going through ok - we all know how stressful that is x

I’m here my friends. Easter was crazy busy. I’ve had the Dollies for a week and my parents have been here (yes, it went as you’d expect) plus I’ve been busy grey rocking Geller. Finally exchanged on Tuesday, complete at the start of May - I’m packing and working and trying to sell furniture that won’t fit on the hell that is FB Marketplace (who ARE these people and why won’t they turn up?)

I’m also trying to take a bit more care of myself, eating better and back to the running and swimming. I’m no good to anyone if I keel over plus it stops me smoking and drinking too much cos I’m incredibly stressed

Geller STILL hasn’t signed. Since our stand off the other Friday I have been ignoring him and had much less communication which is bliss. He’s not in my phone every day (I’ve archived our messages so even if he does send stuff I can chose when to see it) and I’ve only responded briefly and when I’ve actually needed to, usually 24 or 48 hours later.

with the inevitable result that I am now being punished. He’s such a DICK.

it’s the Dollies birthday this weekend and they have several little parties / activities coming up. Legacy of Covid I guess. Anyway, one is tomorrow night. Yesterday, in light of the fact that I am being ‘uncooperative and refusing to engage’ he has UNINVITED me from the part of the celebrations he is hosting.

The man’s ego knows no bounds.

I didn’t react, I responded with ‘Ok’ and spoke to the Dollies about there

What happened there? Anyway…

I spoke to the Dollies about there having been a communication mix up and they were absolutely fine. They said they’d seen enough of me over the past week and that they’d be busy with their friends so not have time to spend with me and anyway, we’ve got our birthday days out coming up together. Bless them.

I’m not giving him the satisfaction of me going nuts. That’s what he wants.

But if you ever needed more proof that he’s totally self centred and a prat, it’s there. I can’t sleep as I’m so MAD.

Onto Westley. Who is being lovely. To answer what seems to be the main question - he’ll be travelling back 6 to 8 times a year for up to a fortnight at a time, and he’ll get leave on top of this. He doesn’t expect me to do all the travelling! I’m trying to live in the moment and enjoy what we have. I’ve enough on my plate right now and can’t see into the future.

I can’t wait to get the keys to the house! I’ve decided what I’m doing with my room. I’m going to panel it and paint it dusky pink and be really super girly.

going to try and get a bit more sleep. Swimming later, going to pound up and down those lanes.

He's still a cuntyMccunt face then! Glad I found you again all my watch threads disappeared after the update! Sorry you're not sleeping but better because you're mad than sad. Exciting stuff with the house! The dollies are a credit to you, just you and only you. Don't forget that. You're doing so well. He's a cunt, did I mention that?

Hello again @Fooshufflewickjbannanapants!

does anyone know - presumably he can’t just refuse to sign forever - what happens if he delays and delays?

I do not know the answer to that .

Good news about the house Polly, plan for the bedroom sounds lovely. If I was allowed I'd have a wall of fabulous wallpaper but DH isn't a fan so given he lets me do pretty much whatever I want otherwise on the decorating front I have to let that one go....😁
Glad grey rocking is working even if Gellar is a delaying moron. The dollies being very level headed is good and takes the wind out of Gellar's sails. Onwards and upwards!

I would imagine you could take him to court, if it's court ordered stuff it looks like the courts can sign for the party that's refusing to cooperate but not sure how that works if it's just solicitors.