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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex didn't bring our son home

219 replies

VeganAvoToast · 13/02/2022 20:55

I've name changed. I guess I'm posting to see if anyone else has been through this? What happened? I'm in pieces. My son is 7. Ex sent me a screenshot of confirmation of mid term admission to another primary school which he says he is taking our son to see tomorrow. Our son who already sturggles with emtional regualtion and long standing tics. I've called the police but as he has parental responsibility there is nothing they can do.

OP posts:
RantyAunty · 13/02/2022 20:57

Just go to the school he's visiting and take him home with you.

unicornsarereal72 · 13/02/2022 20:59

More knowledgable people will be along soon. But you need to go to court first thing and get an emergency order in place. Also phone the Lea and tell them you do not agree to the change in school.

Get legal advice and gather good people around you. I hope your son is home soon.

Inspectorslack · 13/02/2022 21:00

Get legal advice first thing in the morning

Somebodylikeyew · 13/02/2022 21:02

Is there a contact schedule?

Contact the school and the LA first thing in the morning and tell them you also have PR and do not consent to this move.

Get a solicitor ASAP.

howtoleaveit · 13/02/2022 21:04

He can’t sign him up to a school without your permission. Send an email to the headteacher copying in the chair of the governors and the local education authority saying you have parental responsibility, he is currently enrolled in another school and this has been done behind your back and you do not agree with the move. Send a copy to his current school. Copy in the headteacher and the school SENCO and his current teacher. Contact an emergency solicitor in your area now. They need to file papers tomorrow morning. Who does he live with and is there a court order in place?

RandomMess · 13/02/2022 21:05

Emergency hearing at court tomorrow.

Get a solicitor urgently.

howtoleaveit · 13/02/2022 21:06

Call the police and say you want a welfare check done. He hasn’t been returned and you are worried about his well-being. Post in the legal section of mumsnet. Post on mums chat on Facebook. Google rights for women and call their telephone advice line. You need all the help. Do not roll over

howtoleaveit · 13/02/2022 21:08

Google “emergency solicitor” lots offer 30 minute free advice. Call all of them.

kitkatsky · 13/02/2022 21:09

Legally you need to go to court and get an emergency order. However, if you know wree you child is, ask the police to do a welfare check and while they do it, enter the house and remove your child. They won't stop you as you also have PR x

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 13/02/2022 21:09

When was he due back?

I have no advice. I am so sorry you're going through this.

GiantSweetcorn · 13/02/2022 21:15

@howtoleaveit

Call the police and say you want a welfare check done. He hasn’t been returned and you are worried about his well-being. Post in the legal section of mumsnet. Post on mums chat on Facebook. Google rights for women and call their telephone advice line. You need all the help. Do not roll over
Don't do this unless you do have genuine concerns about his safety. You risk this be viewed very poorly by any court or assessing social worker in the future if it goes in that way - may be seen as you making false allegations/espousing your son to scary situations with police attending/trying to alienate dad.

I am not at all suggesting what he's done doesn't do all those things already - but you don't want to leave yourself vulnerable to that criticism.

Equally, social workers struggle to get police welfare checks when there are very real and immediate safety concerns due to lack of resources - please don't leave another child at risk if you don't have a legitimate need to use this option.

I would emphasise the suggestions of getting legal advice urgently.

GiantSweetcorn · 13/02/2022 21:17

*exposing, not espousing!

WonderfulYou · 13/02/2022 21:33

Is he in immediate danger?

If not then you need to play the long game and go to court - changing a child’s school is not in the best interests of the child (unless they are being bullied or something) so no judge is going to think he’s in the right.

Original poster
VeganAvoToast · 13/02/2022 21:33

Thanks for replying.

He was meant to be home 3 hours ago. Police called me back. They said they will phone my ex and find out what his intentions are then phone me back.

My ex doesn't brush our sons teeth, which is neglect, it may be fairly low level but it's still neglect. My son says he does it himself sometimes. Police said they won't do a welfare check for low level, it needs to be significant and advised I contact SW tomorrow. I speak to my sons school about this and told there isn't anything I can do about things like teeth brushing when son in Dad's care.

This is where is gets worse, its my fault. My ex sent me a message berating me for having to pay £40 a week plus fuel money (he moved an hour away, we've been in the same house since my son was born, the house we moved to to make my exs commute easier) and how our son hates me putting him in ASC etc. I usually ignore these, but last week I snapped a bit and thought, I'm going to send him equal nonsense, I'm just going to day nonsensical things and I told him I agreed with him, that yes I'm a terrible mum and our son should live with him and go to a different school. I then put the phone down, walked the dog, booked swimming for us for tomorrow and thought nothing else of it. I told the police this, I'm so embarrassed.

We're resident in Scotland and ex has son in Northumberland.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 13/02/2022 21:35

Does he have any concerns over your parenting skills?
Have you got a court order or anything?

WonderfulYou · 13/02/2022 21:36

It is not your fault at all!

He is an awful parent if he thinks that this is ok.

Theunamedcat · 13/02/2022 21:40

Different lea? He absolutely can move him his current school cannot stop it contact the school themselves and say you do not give consent to move

Contact his current school for support and the courts

Honestly everytime I've had to go for a school placement it takes one parents permission not two but if the other parent objects they cannot take him until its resolved

Original poster
VeganAvoToast · 13/02/2022 21:40

No court order no. No concerns over my parenting, other than stupid incidents outlined above, I'm a good Mother.

Ex can't even brush sons teeth, how can he arrange appointments, do homework, he doesn't read to him at night. Son has his diffuser here which he loves, his favourite smoothies. I made a cake today for us.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/02/2022 21:41

Good news is that the Scottish courts will not be happy he's been removed from their jurisdiction to England.

I would send your ex a formal email telling him he needs to return your son and that removing him form his primary home and school without warning is cruel and damaging.

Original poster
VeganAvoToast · 13/02/2022 21:41

I will phone English school tomorrow first thing. Its mid term in Scotland but Will email current school.

OP posts:
Original poster
VeganAvoToast · 13/02/2022 21:42

I can't stop shaking. I'm such an idiot.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/02/2022 21:43

How old is your son?

chipsandpeas · 13/02/2022 21:45

@RandomMess

How old is your son?
says quite clearly in the OP hes 7
bluejelly · 13/02/2022 21:45

You are not an idiot. Your ex is.

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