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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex didn't bring our son home

219 replies

VeganAvoToast · 13/02/2022 20:55

I've name changed. I guess I'm posting to see if anyone else has been through this? What happened? I'm in pieces. My son is 7. Ex sent me a screenshot of confirmation of mid term admission to another primary school which he says he is taking our son to see tomorrow. Our son who already sturggles with emtional regualtion and long standing tics. I've called the police but as he has parental responsibility there is nothing they can do.

OP posts:
Thripp · 14/02/2022 09:26

I thought that - in England, at any rate - you can't change schools without both parents' consent (assuming they both have parental responsibility). It it's apparently possible for a parent to make a unilateral decision to move a child, it would by extension be equally possible for the other parent to make the opposite decision unilaterally. I wouldn't take anyone's word for it that he can do this without your consent, OP. Especially when it's not in your son's best interests.

The main thing, though, is: get proper legal advice.

shaneTwane · 14/02/2022 09:32

Hoping this is resolved quickly op. Poor you and poor ds.

Dyrene · 14/02/2022 09:32

@RandomMess

He doesn't have he right to remove them from Scotland though because it has a different legal jurisdiction to England.

Emergency court hearing all the way, no mediation.

Yes. A Scottish court won’t be amused by the father. The boy is habitually resident in Scotland and attends school there. He has friends there and it’s what he knows.

And Northumberland county council won’t want to be caught up on this crap. They can put his application on hold until his father has the relevant permissions. Which will be never.

Thing is, by doing this, he’s actually paving the way for a nice order than means contact must take place in Scotland (and potentially might need to be supervised) because he can’t be trusted. So well find him.

Tomeeornottomee · 14/02/2022 09:37

I really hope you’ve managed to get to see a solicitor OP. Best of luck and I hope you’re reunited with your little boy soon 💐

LemonTT · 14/02/2022 09:37

The mistake he has made is that he is not acting in his sons interest and causing unnecessary trauma. He is also showing himself incapable of being part of a Co parenting arrangement.

The child has a primary care giver and lives a stable life with friends and routine. Your ex has ripped him away from that which would be traumatic and stressful. Unless your ex has a slam dunk safeguarding issue he has made a mistake. This is the act that you need to present to the court. This is bad parenting 101 and means your ex is going to struggle to regain the access and influence he previously had.

Electriq · 14/02/2022 09:38

I dont have any more useful information OP, but just wanted to say Good luck and hope your son is home soon

FelicityPike · 14/02/2022 09:53

[foowers]

Suretobe · 14/02/2022 10:02

@FelicityPike

[foowers]
Is that with a Scottish accent applied?!

And for OP, good luck - I hope the system kicks in for you.

FairFuming · 14/02/2022 10:16

What an absolute cunt your ex is. I hope you get it fixed really quickly.

TigerLilyTail · 14/02/2022 10:35

@VeganAvoToast

And I can see the culmination of events that led me to slip a bit and is allowing ex to leverage. I went back to working FT after finishing uni a few weeks ago, my sons behaviour at school last week was very challenging at times, I was worried about him, the dog and making sure she had enough walks, and trying to find my feet juggling working, homework, extracurricular activities, house work etc.
Did you talk to your Ex about all this? I think this is the sort of thing you need to not talk to him about as he will use it against you.

Ex having him every weekend is too much. You deserve weekend time too.

I hope you could get things sorted this morning.

Good luck!!

whynotwhatknot · 14/02/2022 10:45

People are wrong about needing permission from both parents also been through this with family

the only thing that might be different as that its scotland-in england if they have pr one parent can change the school unless theres a court order to stop them

FelicityPike · 14/02/2022 10:50

@Suretobe lol flooers.

affairsofdragons · 14/02/2022 11:32

I hope you're getting legal advice and contacting schools/councils this morning OP.

Thoosa · 14/02/2022 11:43

Good luck. Stay as calm as you can.

SafferUpNorth · 14/02/2022 11:44

@whynotwhatknot

People are wrong about needing permission from both parents also been through this with family

the only thing that might be different as that its scotland-in england if they have pr one parent can change the school unless theres a court order to stop them

This sounds bizarre... surely if her ex can unilaterally change the DC's school, the OP can do the same?
Thripp · 14/02/2022 11:54

Exactly, @SafferUpNorth It would make no sense.

I was told by my solicitor (a shit-hot lawyer, as they are known on the divorce boards here) that I had to have my ex's permission to change my children's schools when we split up. I didn't have to have his explicit permission in writing, but he did have the legal right to block such a move, should he want to (in the end, I didn't move them). He also had the legal right to block me from taking the children out of the jurisdiction (in the end, he didn't need to exercise it, as I stayed put).

Electriq · 14/02/2022 11:56

You absolutely do need permission from both parents to move a childs school, where decisions cannot be agreed on a court will decide.

footballfootball · 14/02/2022 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SafferUpNorth · 14/02/2022 12:07

@footfallfootball

.... OK, so why does your SD not just unilaterally change her kids' school back? If her ex could do it, surely so can she???

SafferUpNorth · 14/02/2022 12:08

@footballfootball

.... OK, so why does your SD not just unilaterally change her kids' school back? If her ex could do it without her permission, surely so can she???

comfortablyfrumpy · 14/02/2022 12:10

Good luck OP, I hope you have managed to get some legal help.

footballfootball · 14/02/2022 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
VeganAvoToast · 14/02/2022 12:17

I'm so sorry to read that some people have been or are going through this too. Truly awful and I hope is resolved.

I spoke to the council in which the school application has been made. They have put a stop to the process and an alert on the application. It won't go any further until both of us agree or a court order is made.

I've got an appointment tomorrow with a child Law Centre and on Wednesday with a solicitor. My ex told son about starting a new school, and he was apparently looking forward to it

OP posts:
chaosmaker · 14/02/2022 12:21

Really glad you've made some progress with this. Did your son tell you he was looking forward to the new school or did the ex say that? Stay strong and sending you a hug Flowers

ThisMustBeMyDream · 14/02/2022 12:21

OP you need to go to the local court, not make appts. Just go down, fill forms in, get seen by the Sheriff today.