Ex didn't bring our son home

[VeganAvoToast]

I've name changed. I guess I'm posting to see if anyone else has been through this? What happened? I'm in pieces. My son is 7. Ex sent me a screenshot of confirmation of mid term admission to another primary school which he says he is taking our son to see tomorrow. Our son who already sturggles with emtional regualtion and long standing tics. I've called the police but as he has parental responsibility there is nothing they can do.

You MUST go to the court today.

Go on line find the forms to fill in. This is an emergency court order to have him returned.

The courts will help you. He should not have been removed from Scotland.

Agree with the previous posters. Go to the court to do it today.

We had a similar situation with my step children. They weren't returned back to their mum in August 2020 for various reasons. Their dad put in an application for a Child Arrangement Order. Then 6 weeks later their mum put in an emergency application for their return. The courts didn't return them as it had been too long for 'the new status quo' to be disrupted.

So get down there today, ASAP and it will be heard tomorrow or the next couple of days.

Agree with pps - go to court today, as well as law centre and solicitors later this week.

That’s good progress OP.

The time must seem interminable but use it to think about what future contact arrangement & schedule are sensible.

Well done on getting a halt on the application! Good luck for the next steps..
you have an army of women behind you if you need them.

Glad you're making progress, definitely don't let it take too long, so if it can be sorted quicker by going to court in person then do that. Hope your son doesn't get too upset by all this, went through similar with my daughter though she was a toddler so doesn't remember it any more but it was hell for me and I imagine it feels like hell for you too. Is there anyone around you to give you some moral support?

Every weekend at his dad's is definitely not good either, both parents need leisure time, not one parent getting all the weekends and the other only having the working week stress. Frankly your ex has shown he can't be trusted with unsupervised time anyway, although the courts probably won't view it that way :(

@howtoleaveit

Call the police and say you want a welfare check done. He hasn’t been returned and you are worried about his well-being. Post in the legal section of mumsnet. Post on mums chat on Facebook. Google rights for women and call their telephone advice line. You need all the help. Do not roll over

what a complete waste of emergency services, a welfare check for what ???. OP's situation needs far more than that, police will only check if the house is clean warm and food and they child is not injured/hurt. Will do nothing about the schooling

I agree with the others - go to the court and get it done today

The legal charity mentioned above is Rights OF women not Rights for women. (Can picture the search showing endless suffragette-related results. )

I believe they only cover English & Welsh law but worth a check, and might help others, if not.

@LemonTT

The mistake he has made is that he is not acting in his sons interest and causing unnecessary trauma. He is also showing himself incapable of being part of a Co parenting arrangement.

The child has a primary care giver and lives a stable life with friends and routine. Your ex has ripped him away from that which would be traumatic and stressful. Unless your ex has a slam dunk safeguarding issue he has made a mistake. This is the act that you need to present to the court. This is bad parenting 101 and means your ex is going to struggle to regain the access and influence he previously had.

This.

All a court cares about is the stability of the child.

Offering unsupervised EOW, provided some sort of order to prevent him doing this again, after this is likely to be seen as extremely mature, frankly.

I'd try contacting www.scottishwomensrightscentre.org.uk/ because all of his behaviour sounds controlling and abusive of you, and not especially interested in his son's welfare. They may be able to offer some support that isn't expensive.

I'm glad you have some good legal advice op.

I moved with my dc from England to Scotland without my exes permission. He tried to block me from registering them at school and was unsuccessful, they refused to get involved in parental disputes so it's not a given that they will stop him being registered.

He got a solicitor, I had messages not unlike the ones you sent, and they were used in court against him,as were any emotional outbursts and continuous calls.

The advice to get a welfare check is really poor, the advice to walk into his home and take your son is worse, going into his house without permission could potentially be a criminal matter.

As hard as it is you need to take emotions out of it and be factual, get as much factual, provable information together as you can, this will help you immensely. You could ask for statements from friends, family, teachers, club leaders etc too.

This needs to be resolved sooner rather than later, if he starts school and starts making friends and putting down roots then it's going to be harder for you to get him back, and you would be unable to do as your ex has done once a court order is in place.

Good luck op, I hope you get your boy back soon

www.scottishwomensrightscentre.org.uk/resources/guides/

@VeganAvoToast

I'm so sorry to read that some people have been or are going through this too. Truly awful and I hope is resolved.

I spoke to the council in which the school application has been made. They have put a stop to the process and an alert on the application. It won't go any further until both of us agree or a court order is made.

I've got an appointment tomorrow with a child Law Centre and on Wednesday with a solicitor. My ex told son about starting a new school, and he was apparently looking forward to it

That's brilliant well done you, but I would, again, call the women's centre, because they may be able to talk you through completing an emergency application - you can probably get the ball rolling on that today, and then talk in detail with the solicitor on Wednesday. A solicitor has knowledge, not power, greater than an average person and will still have to go through the court application process, so getting a jump start on that today will move you a few days closer to getting him home.

And what your ex says is worthless. You know this better than anyone.

This is going to sound harsh but ignore what your DS says - he will be under enormous pressure.

Ex has just said if I do the driving I can come get ds.

This was never about ds. This was about driving. I can't believe it. All of this, and it boils down to nothing more than driving. One minute he's enrolling him in schools and taking him to have a look, next it's you can collect him if you do the driving

@VeganAvoToast

Ex has just said if I do the driving I can come get ds.

This was never about ds. This was about driving. I can't believe it. All of this, and it boils down to nothing more than driving. One minute he's enrolling him in schools and taking him to have a look, next it's you can collect him if you do the driving

What an arsehole.

Keep the appointments anyway, get contact set in stone, and who will drop off and pick up.

You must be so relieved

What’s his issue with driving? How far is it? Suck it down and don’t engage or say anything. Go get him. As soon as you home clamp this shit down. No more contact until it’s gone through court. You need a solicitor who can clearly articulate to the court the stunt he has just pulled. Write down everything while it’s in your memory. Get a court order for contact and who is doing what driving. Let a judge decide. They will take a dim view of his behaviour

What a shitty situation and a shitty man to put you and your son through this. My knee jerk reaction would be to take him to court and restrict his access... but that is going to hurt your son. I think the poster above is right.. get all of this on record.

Still go ahead with the legal advice. You need to get everything properly sorted.
You're dancing to his tune and that needs to stop, for your sake as well as your son's.

Go and get him, but still get a solicitor.

Go and get him and see a solicitor but then never drive him down again

If you ex is that pissed about driving, he won’t come back to get him

do not be complacent he will continue to fuck with you and your son and be a complete knob about transport, school, health, decisions re secondarys etc. Go and get the emergency order ANYWAY and then you know he will be in the wrong if he continues in this way. Get court orders for contact and decision making if possible. Whilst he has PR if he continues to do things like this and go against court orders etc you then have records of this and it will not go in his favour. I would also document how your child is in terms of his anxiety etc as all of this could be making it worse - showing not in his best interests etc

It wasn't about driving either. It was about control over you and manipulation of you through your son. It's why he's behaving like he is, and why he lied to the police, and why he's suddenly giving in today - he has work to deal with and cannot keep the games up.

The good news is that if contact is not enforceable I guess it goes both ways and you are not obliged to allow this abusive arsehole to see your son (NOT legal advice, just saying).

What an awful person your ex is.

As soon as you’ve got your son home, keep everything up with solicitors, and family law centres etc. Do everything in your power to limit the freedom that your ex has. Supervised contact only, in Scotland would be ideal if it comes to that.

Don’t fall into a trap of relief that your son is home, and leave yourselves open to the risk of this happening again. Good luck OP.