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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex didn't bring our son home

219 replies

VeganAvoToast · 13/02/2022 20:55

I've name changed. I guess I'm posting to see if anyone else has been through this? What happened? I'm in pieces. My son is 7. Ex sent me a screenshot of confirmation of mid term admission to another primary school which he says he is taking our son to see tomorrow. Our son who already sturggles with emtional regualtion and long standing tics. I've called the police but as he has parental responsibility there is nothing they can do.

OP posts:
TeenyQueen · 13/02/2022 23:41

From the little I know Scotland and England are legally classed as different countries, so you need the permission of both parents to take a child from one country to another, even if you are separated.

Try to stay calm and seek legal assistance tomorrow. You will get your son back.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 13/02/2022 23:42

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whysoserious123 · 13/02/2022 23:46

Your son Is safe try not to worry and sort things out tomorrow. Stay calm cool and collected tomorrow it will benefit you

bounce89 · 13/02/2022 23:48

I had similar to this about 2 years ago but with allegations of physical abuse thrown in there. Straight to solicitors in morning and ask for an emergency hearing.

Don't mention girlfriends or teeth brushing, they can't change that but do talk about activities that your ds attends and school/friends in the area, any family that live nearby and what support you and your ds have. It took me two weeks to get ds back but I had to prove that the allegations were lies.

Honestly it was THE worst thing I have ever been through and it was hard, we were back and forth to court for a while but they ordered that he came straight home in the first hearing.
My ds also suffered because he didn't understand why he was told he shouldn't miss me and felt guilty about not coming home.

ThreeLocusts · 13/02/2022 23:50

No legal advice but can't read and run. Hope you get through the night OK. I'd try and catch them at the school tomorrow and hopefully you can go home with him then. Flowers

saraclara · 13/02/2022 23:51

Did you say this stuff about being a bad mother, in a call or by text?

saraclara · 13/02/2022 23:52

@saraclara

Did you say this stuff about being a bad mother, in a call or by text?
Ah, re-read, and it looks like it was a message?
TheRealityCheque · 14/02/2022 00:00

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TheRealityCheque · 14/02/2022 00:03

@TeenyQueen

From the little I know Scotland and England are legally classed as different countries, so you need the permission of both parents to take a child from one country to another, even if you are separated.

Try to stay calm and seek legal assistance tomorrow. You will get your son back.

That's nonsense. Both Scotland and England are in the sovereign state of the United Kingdom.
Ursusmajor · 14/02/2022 00:09

@TheRealityCheque
OP described the not brushing teeth as ´minor neglect’, not abuse, and said she already knows that it’s not a serious enough issue to provoke any action from social services. Your idea that OP wanting her 7year old to have their teeth cleaned means she’s deluded and potentially this is grounds for concern is an enormous reach. Not a helpful comment. Seriously most parents of 7year olds get them to brush their own teeth and then ´check’ that it’s been done properly (aka brush their child’s teeth because 7 year olds are often not very good at it).

TigerLilyTail · 14/02/2022 00:40

I hope you can get some sleep.

Don't text him anymore tonight. Remember that he is only doing this to provoke a reaction from you.

See the solicitor in the morning. Your son will be ok.

In the future be very careful with how you communicate with him. No more phone calls, everything in text.

He's a complete and utter bastard!

Rachie1973 · 14/02/2022 00:52

@VeganAvoToast

I've name changed. I guess I'm posting to see if anyone else has been through this? What happened? I'm in pieces. My son is 7. Ex sent me a screenshot of confirmation of mid term admission to another primary school which he says he is taking our son to see tomorrow. Our son who already sturggles with emtional regualtion and long standing tics. I've called the police but as he has parental responsibility there is nothing they can do.
Court first thing, prohibited steps order, with power of arrest attached.
Rachie1973 · 14/02/2022 00:55

@VeganAvoToast

For an emergency order do I just contact any solicitor?
You don’t need one, the court clerk will help you fill it in.

Outline concerns etc, particularly in consideration of the emotional toll on your child.

TheQueenInTheNorth · 14/02/2022 01:23

My ex once took our son to another city when he was supposed to be having contact with him at his mum's house, he refused to let him come home and wouldn't even let me speak to him. I got a solicitor and took my ex to court where he was ordered to bring our son home, for a while after that he was only allowed supervised contact through court for a while.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 14/02/2022 01:56

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LemonSwan · 14/02/2022 02:09

Wow what the fuck!

Goodluck today OP. Stay calm - you have got this!

Flatandhappy · 14/02/2022 02:10

As others have said you need legal advice as without a Court order, as you have sadly found out, either parent has a right to have a child with them. Scotland and England also have different legal systems. The fact that your ex has taken the child without warning and is threatening not to return him does not make him look good BUT please, please do not cite not brushing your DS's teeth as an example of neglect. Most people working in this area know only too well what real neglect and abuse looks like and have little patience with things that would be considered trivial being cited as neglect.

Original poster
VeganAvoToast · 14/02/2022 03:03

No, I know the teeth brushing thing isn't abuse, when the police asked if I felt my son was at the risk of harm i said no. Maybe I am being irrational about that, I've clearly allowed my thoughts to be clouded by emotion.

Thank you, there have been some incredibly helpful and supportive comments.

OP posts:
Zonder · 14/02/2022 06:04

So sorry OP. I hope you get somewhere today.

Call the English school before he has chance to go look round and let them know that the police are involved because your ex was supposed to bring your son home.

HumousWhereTheHeartIs · 14/02/2022 06:26

@TheRealityCheque Scotland and England are different countries with different legal systems and laws. I have a friend in London who isn't allowed to take her son to Scotland without her ex's consent, which he never gives, so she can never visit her parents in Fife.

MalbecandToast · 14/02/2022 06:52

You need whatever the Scottish equivalent of a prohibitive steps order is to stop him moving to England with your son. Get ringing round as soon as solicitors open. I'm so sorry this is happening to you OP.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 14/02/2022 06:55

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Casper001 · 14/02/2022 06:59

Sounds like your ex is getting his own back a bit.

Go through mediation and then court if need be and get formal arrangements in place for your son

Theunamedcat · 14/02/2022 07:00

@VeganAvoToast

No, I know the teeth brushing thing isn't abuse, when the police asked if I felt my son was at the risk of harm i said no. Maybe I am being irrational about that, I've clearly allowed my thoughts to be clouded by emotion.

Thank you, there have been some incredibly helpful and supportive comments.

Risk of emotional harm is still an emergency
Dyrene · 14/02/2022 07:03

The Scottish court will consider him a Scottish resident (and an English court will agree scotland has jurisdiction). The court can order him to return to Scotland. Phone a solicitor this morning. They can do emergency proceedings and it’ll probably be in front of a sheriff today.

Your son should be at school today. So it matters. Phone Northumberland county council and explain your do not consent to him having a school place. They’ll withdraw it because he can’t unilaterally do this.