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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I need to finish this don't I?

257 replies

sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:11

I was away with my partner of 18 months for the weekend. We had a wonderful weekend until we got locked out of our guest house so despite many attempts to get in contact with the owner, we had to sleep in the car.
We were both annoyed but he was particularly upset. He spoke to me like shit.Didn't really care that I was really cold and generally mean.
When we finally got into the building, he was so rude to the lady who was very upset that this had happened and was very apologetic. She offered us breakfast and the room for an extended period.
He flounced off to the room, packed his stuff and met me at the doorway.
When I asked him where he was going ... he simply said' home' and left. We don't live together. He's 46 btw.
So he left ..
Do I leave him for this?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/02/2022 15:13

So he just left you there?

Did you have your car too?

Geez talk about vile in a crises!

Crumbs22 · 13/02/2022 15:14

You mean he left by himself not taking you?

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:15

Yes he left without me. I had my own car there as we travelled separately.

OP posts:
formalineadeline · 13/02/2022 15:17

Do I leave him for this?

Do you want to leave him over it?

MadMadMadamMim · 13/02/2022 15:17

Up to you.

I'm even older than him and I'd be utterly raging at being locked out for the night in this weather, particularly when I was paying for a weekend away.

I'd have been just as rude I suspect after a night in the bloody car to someone who locked guests out for the night. She should have checked you were in if she'd put a bolt across the door. Breakfast would not have made up for that.

I'm not saying he should have spoken to you like shit - but you've not repeated what he said, and it sounds like he was utterly fucked off with the entire experience.

isthismylifenow · 13/02/2022 15:19

Is how you got locked out related to his reaction?

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:19

We were both so fucked off but he was raging. He just left in a temper.
He's never done anything like this before. I can't get over that he left me there in my own and just went home! That's never happened to me before. Vile in a crisis is correct !

OP posts:
Chloemol · 13/02/2022 15:19

That’s atrocious behaviour and not something I would tolerate

I would simply go home now, and not bother contacting him

When he dies contact I would be saying it’s over and block

Life is to short to be with someone who acts like this in a crisis

formalineadeline · 13/02/2022 15:19

I don't know how I'd have reacted in that situation, and there's clearly a lot more detail to it.

If you had cars why did you sleep in them instead of driving somewhere else?

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:20

No not how we got locked. It was entirely the lady's fault.

OP posts:
Thethreecs · 13/02/2022 15:20

I think I'd be furious with the guesthouse owner too. Was he rude or giving out? When we're tired, cold and hungry we can come across as rude. Leaving you there was shit though.

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:21

We slept in them because we'd been out and had drinks so couldn't drive anywhere.

OP posts:
formalineadeline · 13/02/2022 15:21

@sleepspray

We were both so fucked off but he was raging. He just left in a temper. He's never done anything like this before. I can't get over that he left me there in my own and just went home! That's never happened to me before. Vile in a crisis is correct !
You had your own car though? It's not like you're incapable of getting home alone?

Didn'tlly care that I was really cold

Did you care that he was really cold?

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:22

He was rude.

OP posts:
Crumbs22 · 13/02/2022 15:22

I think sometimes it takes a while to know someone's character. Have you had any other crises before and how has he reacted then?
If that happened to me, I would be shocked and think no matter what had gone on before, this is the true, selfish character of someone. He didn't think of you, he wasn't the only one cold and uncomfortable. He was then unnecessarily rude when the lady tried to make it up to you both and sulked off without you. I think it's beyond selfish and humiliating to you. I wouldn't want to look at him again, maybe that's just me.

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:23

There's really not a lot more detail. We had a fantastic night and came home to being locked out.

OP posts:
Thethreecs · 13/02/2022 15:24

What did he say to the owner?

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:24

I've seen him being selfish yes and he's shit in a crisis.
He runs away from issues.
Of course I cared that he was cold but he had a big puffer coat on and I had a light jacket.

OP posts:
formalineadeline · 13/02/2022 15:25

@sleepspray

We slept in them because we'd been out and had drinks so couldn't drive anywhere.
Fair enough. Although for future reference, you can be prosecuted for sleeping in your car whilst too drunk to drive - being in charge of a vehicle while unfit through alcohol...
Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:27

She was distressed and offering us breakfast and a room for late check out and he just kep grunting .. no , no, no.
SKE was an elderly lady which upset me even more , that he would be so rude.
It was shit but it was a mistake and the lady couldn't have been more apologetic.
Why not Climb into bed for the few hours?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/02/2022 15:27

I would end it, it's not like he's going to grow and mature out of being selfish and rude at this point is it.

Crumbs22 · 13/02/2022 15:29

I've seen him being selfish yes and he's shit in a crisis.
He runs away from issues.

Anyone can be happy and wonderful when the going's good. It's the one who won't literally desert you in a crisis who really matter and deserves your time and attention.

2catsandhappy · 13/02/2022 15:29

You have seen a side of him now. He raged, bailed and dumped you.
When someone shows you who they are, listen.
This does not sound promising or long term.

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:29

The way I see it is that life will always throw shit at is but we have to deal with it.
I've never seen that side to him before and he's never deliberately just fuck off and left me. We only see each other once a week as it is.

OP posts:
JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 13/02/2022 15:40

Hmm you say you've never seen him behave like this before, he's rightly pissed off at being locked out of accommodation you've both paid for like a child on a curfew, you've then had to sleep overnight in a car in very cold temperatures and they offered you use of the room this morning and breakfast to make up for it. I'd be livid and expecting a full refund. I'd also be achey, cold and tired which isn't going to put anyone in the best mood.
He's not covered himself in glory but I can understand him being a bit rude to the guest house lady, I also get him wanting to just get out of there and go home. If you were trying to minimise it and feel pity for the guest house owner just because she's an older woman you probably would've irritated me too, in that situation. Give him time and space to cool down. It's how he texts next that tells you if it's a deal breaker. If he calls says he's sorry for leaving without you (although you had different cars so couldn't leave together anyway) and asks after you. I think it's something you can move past.

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