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Original poster

I need to finish this don't I?

257 replies

sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:11

I was away with my partner of 18 months for the weekend. We had a wonderful weekend until we got locked out of our guest house so despite many attempts to get in contact with the owner, we had to sleep in the car.
We were both annoyed but he was particularly upset. He spoke to me like shit.Didn't really care that I was really cold and generally mean.
When we finally got into the building, he was so rude to the lady who was very upset that this had happened and was very apologetic. She offered us breakfast and the room for an extended period.
He flounced off to the room, packed his stuff and met me at the doorway.
When I asked him where he was going ... he simply said' home' and left. We don't live together. He's 46 btw.
So he left ..
Do I leave him for this?

OP posts:
Idontgiveagriffindamn · 13/02/2022 20:03

It’s not on that he was rude to you and you don’t want to continue the relationship but I think you’re being a bit overly dramatic saying he left you stranded. He didn’t. He left in his car, you had a car there. You also had access to the room and were happy to stay, he was not.
I’d have been fuming if I had to sleep in a car and would not have stayed if I had the option to leave.

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 20:06

We were on a weekend away and we had plans for today.
It felt like being stranded.

OP posts:
Teeturtle · 13/02/2022 20:11

[quote sleepspray]@formalineadeline . When did I refuse to explain anything?
I get the impression that you either disbelieve me or don't think that this is an issue?
Why pick? It's very straightforward what happened [/quote]
No it really is hard to make sense of your story. You keep saying he left me there as if you were stranded but your weren’t you had your own cars (I could understand it if you said he stormed off).

And I don’t understand how you came to be locked out or why you were booked into a guesthouse and then sleeping in a car when he lives ten minutes drive and thirty minutes walk away.

But it is like pulling teeth getting you to actually explain things.

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 20:15

It's all the previous posts@Teeturtle

OP posts:
2DogsOnMySofa · 13/02/2022 20:20

People are allowed, and do get pissed off when things go wrong, but he shouldn't have taken it out on you. It wasn't your fault she gave you the wrong code, it also wasn't your fault you had to sleep in the car.

I'd have expected him to be pissed off and annoyed, but also been kind to you, not shut down or storm off. He didn't abandon you but he did storm off.

Sounds like he struggles to communicate when things go wrong, he's a flight person.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/02/2022 20:20

What a tosser, throwing a raging tantrum because he didn't get laid last night.

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 20:22

Exactly @2DogsOnMySofa

OP posts:
BettyBooper · 13/02/2022 20:38

Sorry to say, but it sounds like he just doesn't care that much about you. I've been there (locked out, sleeping in car etc) but if its with someone you're into you make it work. Smile

Being an arse about it does not bode well for good times in the future...I think you are right to ditch.

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 20:40

It's really painful to think he didn't care about me but I think you're right.The facts are there.
He hasn't apologized at all.

OP posts:
BurntO · 13/02/2022 20:41

I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that. You want someone who you can pull together with during a crisis. Not someone who has a huff and pushes you away. Save yourself the heartbreak OP

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 20:42

I hate the thoughts of breaking up as it's such a painful and lonely place. He was my happy place for so long in a sea of stress.
But I have to do it for my self respect and dignity. I know I do.

OP posts:
Bunfightinaisle3 · 13/02/2022 20:51

Gosh this behaviour sounds soooo familiar to me, I reckon we've known the same bloke 😂. In the north perchance 😂

Either way OP, you're best out of it. He's shown the real him and people don't improve with time.

totallyoutnumbered · 13/02/2022 21:31

@sleepspray

She was distressed and offering us breakfast and a room for late check out and he just kep grunting .. no , no, no. SKE was an elderly lady which upset me even more , that he would be so rude. It was shit but it was a mistake and the lady couldn't have been more apologetic. Why not Climb into bed for the few hours?
I can tell you now how my DP would handle this. He'd offer me his big coat, we'd probably make our own heat if you know what I mean. He's an absolute treasure and so kind especially to elderly people. I'd personally see this a major red flag if I'm honest x
totallyoutnumbered · 13/02/2022 21:33

@sleepspray

He has responded to my text asking for my work belongings, by saying he'll Drop them to me tomorrow. That's it.
He sounds like a control freak. Single has to be way better than this surely?
Whatonearth07957 · 13/02/2022 21:41

Going against the grain here. B&B owner messed up via one of her employees. Absolutely unacceptable to have nowhere to go, what if you'd had no car? Landlady absolutely deserved an annoyed and possibly rude guest, whether she's mid 50s or mid 60s has no bearing. I can imagine you seeking to minimize would be incredibly annoying and 10 mins away I absolutely would go home rather than spend a minute longer with their hospitality. Only you know how rude he was to you and if that's a deal breaker.

pog100 · 13/02/2022 21:59

I can't understand why you are getting such a hard time here OP. Your story is quite simple and well explained, after a couple of additions and anyway the main point, the way he treated you was always clear. He treated you abysmally! Even if being rude to the landlady and storming off was the best course of action, and it might be, it needs a discussion with you and a common plan. He's behaved very childishly and shown you something you are rightly shocked about. I would definitely end the relationship over the side he's shown.

HaggisBurger · 13/02/2022 22:13

Yeah him being grumpy and an arse - understandable. But the fact that he turned that around onto you and didn’t offer you his coat - and then pissed off in a strop. That would be massive for me - salvageable only by a big apology. You know what you need to do op. I’m sorry.

Tulipsandviolets · 13/02/2022 22:15

Has he lost his shit before op

Stravaig · 13/02/2022 22:24

I've had a couple of versions of the stranded overnight scenario. The worst was when a sudden storm tore through our tent, ripping the outer off and away, whilst camped on a mountain, in the Highlands, in winter. The expectation for both of us was a positive attitude and good teamwork as we scrambled around getting dressed and packed and safe, then hot food/drink, and eventually back down to dry out. Having someone around making that experience more unpleasant, more precarious, more dangerous is an absolute no fucking way.

linchinton · 13/02/2022 23:18

I'm sorry if I've mis-understood, but he made you sleep in a car when you were a 10 min cab ride from his house????
I understand he might not have wanted his teenage daughters to meet you, but if they are old enough to leave over night then they are old enough to know he has a gf?

Are you sure he's not married?

MostlyOk · 14/02/2022 03:18

I like the fact that he is a tower of strength to you in the 'big stuff'. He sounds like a good person who has a short fuse and acts childishly in relatively unimportant matters. Have you ever tried to talk to him about this? If it's otherwise a good relationship then it might be worth a honest discussion, letting him know how this impacts you. Taking out his frustration on you is not acceptable and just leaving you to your own devices (in the wee hours?) is also very poor behaviour.

If this is the only issue and you're otherwise happy, then you might be able to work it out.

2022newyrnewme · 14/02/2022 03:50

*When small things go wrong he bails. He can't cope but yet the big big things, he is a tower of strength for me, as long as it doesn't affect him.
So if I'm going through some horrid experiences, he is a calm support and a practical support but when he does something wrong, he shuts down and buried his problems, reappears then when the dust settles and expects everything to be back

@sleepspray this is important ^^
I dated a guy who had these traits..sadly for too long. They don’t change..they get worse.

Most normal people in that situation, despite rightly so being annoyed/tired/cold wouldn’t just walk off and leave someone they were supposedly in love with? Wouldn’t it have been better for him to say ‘look this has been a nightmare, I’m tired/fed up as are you..I think it’s best we leave? What do you want to do?’

Not just go because HE wants to. I hope yours ok, like I said I’ve experienced similar and it’s all about them sadly.

cocktailclub · 14/02/2022 04:12

When you don't live together you don't get as many opportunities to find out what he's like under pressure. This was an opportunity. Be thankful you've found out he's not right for you.
Sorry it turned out like this but at least you now know.

Flickflak · 14/02/2022 04:57

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Alrightqueenie · 14/02/2022 04:57

It'll only get worse each time so do yourself a favour and ditch him now to save yourself stress.

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