I need to finish this don't I?

[sleepspray]

I was away with my partner of 18 months for the weekend. We had a wonderful weekend until we got locked out of our guest house so despite many attempts to get in contact with the owner, we had to sleep in the car.
We were both annoyed but he was particularly upset. He spoke to me like shit.Didn't really care that I was really cold and generally mean.
When we finally got into the building, he was so rude to the lady who was very upset that this had happened and was very apologetic. She offered us breakfast and the room for an extended period.
He flounced off to the room, packed his stuff and met me at the doorway.
When I asked him where he was going ... he simply said' home' and left. We don't live together. He's 46 btw.
So he left ..
Do I leave him for this?

@HaggisBurger agreed, no diagnosis needed, if it drops sees your line and makes you feel bad then that’s enough.

*crosses your line not drops

@Derelicthome

Bizarre. I can’t see where has done anything wrong. But carry on.

Haha, what?!

His behaviour is kind of textbook NPD though. Normal nice people own what they have done. They apologise without reservation and do what they can in a non dramatic way to try to make things better. Like my nightmare ex, every apology was wrung out of him and always came with a caveat. If I ended it he would try & reel me in with crap like yours is. It probably won’t take long, once he’s not getting his own way, for it to turn nasty in tone.

You’ve dodged a bullet OP. Hard to see it now - it took me a while. I also gave up trying to understand, once I realised what he was. I just needed to heal and learn from it.

It’ll get better. Don’t let him get under your skin now you have made the break.

@Journeynotdestination

His behaviour is kind of textbook NPD though. Normal nice people own what they have done. They apologise without reservation and do what they can in a non dramatic way to try to make things better. Like my nightmare ex, every apology was wrung out of him and always came with a caveat. If I ended it he would try & reel me in with crap like yours is. It probably won’t take long, once he’s not getting his own way, for it to turn nasty in tone.

You’ve dodged a bullet OP. Hard to see it now - it took me a while. I also gave up trying to understand, once I realised what he was. I just needed to heal and learn from it.

It’ll get better. Don’t let him get under your skin now you have made the break.

Great advice. Sounds just like my ex. Grey rock the dickhead OP x

I haven’t diagnosed my ex as a narcissist. If you look at narcissistic behaviours as behaviours on a spectrum, then (as with other personality traits), there will be people who are lower down the spectrum moving gradually up to people who are clinically diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. Absolutely every one of us will, from time to time display narcissistic/ self involved behaviours. It’s part of being human.

For me? It’s a case of a) how often do certain unattractive character traits appear and b) what other qualities are in the mix to balance it out - such as genuine empathy, compassion, the ability to compromise / apologise etc. And how many of these behaviours are consistent vs false masking?

My ex had a high degree of self involved behaviours combined with decreasing amounts of the good stuff - ramping up gradually over time. Do I think he is a narcissist? 🤷🏽‍♀️. I do think he is further up the spectrum than me on unacceptable behaviours and at the core of it, that is why I no longer wish to be with him.

@sleepspray the means with which he has found you and attempted contact? Old Twitter. The content of the messages (including sending of songs). It’s textbook and exactly what my ex would do.

His ex has eerily summed it up and essentially has told you what my counsellor told me.

How did she manage to get away and stay away from him? Did she say?

You really are well shot of him @sleepspray, you should hold your head up high and be very proud of yourself (I really hope you are).

It might hurt for a few weeks, but it will be worth it and in time you will see things even more clearly and be so glad you didn't allow him to control you within his negative cycle.