I need to finish this don't I?

[sleepspray]

I was away with my partner of 18 months for the weekend. We had a wonderful weekend until we got locked out of our guest house so despite many attempts to get in contact with the owner, we had to sleep in the car.
We were both annoyed but he was particularly upset. He spoke to me like shit.Didn't really care that I was really cold and generally mean.
When we finally got into the building, he was so rude to the lady who was very upset that this had happened and was very apologetic. She offered us breakfast and the room for an extended period.
He flounced off to the room, packed his stuff and met me at the doorway.
When I asked him where he was going ... he simply said' home' and left. We don't live together. He's 46 btw.
So he left ..
Do I leave him for this?

I completely understand him being furious and rude to the lady, and wanting to go home.

He wasn’t actually abusive, I too would be fuming with her. A free breakfast or a bed for a few hours wouldn’t quite compensate for having to sleep in a car in February. Why on earth wouldn’t a guesthouse have a night Porter or a key for guests?

Taking it out on you though, and treating you badly, well that’s completely unacceptable. Driving home in a temper? Unacceptable.

I’d expect a sincere apology, but to be honest, I’d probably be done with him.

I absolutely get why he is raging, I would be deeply unhappy too. However the reality of the situation is that a mistake happened, the lady was clearly deeply apologetic, it wasn’t deliberate.

I think in situations like this, there are two types of people. Those who think they can have the emotional reaction they wish - they’ve paid for a service, it wasn’t received (quite the opposite) and as such they will speak as they wish (be rude/ storm out etc). They won’t view themselves as in the wrong, one bit.

Then there are the people who don’t react in the way above and to whom rudeness is a horrible trait. Irrespective of what happens re a service, they are respectful. Some may accept a free breakfast and late checkout. Others may negotiate for a free weekend/ return visit/ refund. But won’t be rude in doing so.

I’m in the latter camp. I abhor rudeness. I have of course been in situations where service has been poor and yet I pretty much always get a resolution I’m happy with. By staying calm and respectful.

For me, I think when people behave this way, it isn’t a one off. My exp was very rude to staff in Cornwall over the summer (I was mortified and super apologetic). My cleaner (who is the loveliest sweetest soul) told me this week that once when she came to clean and had forgotten my key (he was obviously working from mine that day, I wasn’t), she rang the doorbell and disturbed him. He apparently raged at her for being so stupid.

I was livid when I found out. Had I known that had happened, he would never have set foot in my house again. I don’t care what the incident, in my view there is no place for rudeness

You’ve e seen him for what he really is.
But to be fair, I’d be fuming too .

We hadn't paid. She said that we didn't have to pay for the night. Which I would have expected in fairness.

What I’m saying now is that unless (having calmed down) there was an explanation and an unreserved apology, it would be over for me.

Because life has taught me that this is just the til of the iceberg in how they think they have a right to treat other people - disrespectfully.

I'd be done. You've seen his true character.

It's your relationship, if it's a deal breaker for you then end it. You don't need anyone's endorsement.

I might feel differently but I don't have the wider context and more importantly - I'm not you.

I can get being cross , definitely. But flouncing off in a rage would be it for me . There was no need to be rude to you when it wasn't your fault . This is a snap shot to your future . This is him telling you who he is . I wouldn't be comfortable going forward knowing he was capable of having an awful temper .

I just am shocked he flinched off on you and left you there without talking to you first.

He is 46, and having a tantrum like a toddler. He is unlikely to change.

You were in exactly the same situation as him and you didn’t treat him badly.

How bad will he be in future if a problem is actually your ‘fault’?

Do you want to go through the rest of your life being his emotional punchbag when anything goes wrong?

I am shocked also and so disappointed and humiliated.

Let the dust settle. Let him calm down. Get a good nights sleep and see what the next few days brings. Shock etc are all quite natural.

My only real advice is don’t minimise (or allow him to minimise) what happened. Does he (once calmed down) really regret his behaviour and acknowledge how wrong it was? Or defend it? Including the part of walking our on you. As a Pp has stated, you were in the same boat and you didn’t treat him this way.

I personally would end the relationship.

One thing I can’t stand is when I’m in a bad situation with someone and they’re constantly moaning and making the situation worse.

That alone would be enough to make me rethink the relationship but to then just leave would be the last straw.

I think that because my travel time was going to be over an hour and his was only ten minutes and I would definitely have been over the limit for driving I think, he knew that I couldn't have travelled home
and he never asked me to come
With him. He just flounced off. That really
Hurts.
I see that he cannot handle anything that doesn't go smoothly. He just nails.
I don't need that flakiness in my life. I need a partner.

He was angry and lost his temper he was probably tired and pxxxed off give him a wide berth

*bails

So he left you their stranded because you couldn't drive yet due to drinking the previous night? Arsehole.

Yes, I think I would end the relationship too. I can see why he was so cross but I’d be worried about his inability to direct his anger appropriately. There was no reason for him to take his anger out on you - you were in exactly the same boat as him (in fact you had it worse- you were both having to deal with being locked out but only you were having to deal with him being an arse).

Life throws a lot of shit at us all over the years. You need a partner who you can rely on when things go wrong, who will support you and even help you see the funny side.

For whatever the reason, he left
Me there and that speaks volumes.He wasn't thinking of me whatsoever. He was thinking of him. That's the bottom line.

I completely agree OP.

What’s he been like since?
Had he texted apologising for acting like an idiot?

Nope

I text as I left something important for work on his car so I'll need it for the week. I also told him that he's shown me who he is and I don't like it so to keep away from me.

When you say he talked to you like shit, what sort of things was he saying?

I was trying to calm him and he kept saying ..' just don't say anything , just don't ..' and kept on at this mantra as if to indicate that he was about to explode in temper if I spoke.

If he lives ten minutes away why couldn't you both have got a cab there to sleep, or have I got that wrong?