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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I need to finish this don't I?

257 replies

sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:11

I was away with my partner of 18 months for the weekend. We had a wonderful weekend until we got locked out of our guest house so despite many attempts to get in contact with the owner, we had to sleep in the car.
We were both annoyed but he was particularly upset. He spoke to me like shit.Didn't really care that I was really cold and generally mean.
When we finally got into the building, he was so rude to the lady who was very upset that this had happened and was very apologetic. She offered us breakfast and the room for an extended period.
He flounced off to the room, packed his stuff and met me at the doorway.
When I asked him where he was going ... he simply said' home' and left. We don't live together. He's 46 btw.
So he left ..
Do I leave him for this?

OP posts:
peoniesarejustperfect · 13/02/2022 17:13

Oh OP, what a horrid end to a weekend - and I suspect the relationship. I obs don't know you, but you are worth so much more than a relationship /partner like this. You've been trying to help the situation - calm him down etc and he's acting as if he's going to explode. That's not what you want or need in life. From now on you'll be walking on eggshells in case something sets him off again. Dust your self down, give yourself a wonderful pampering evening with great music, candles and a hot bath, and thank your lucky stars this came to light before your lives were more entwined. There are many, many more men out there with far more to offer you. Flowers

Sunseasun · 13/02/2022 17:16

He doesn’t give a shit about you. Yeah I get it’s awful to sleep in a cold car overnight but to not care about you the next day and ti fuck off… just no. Not exactly a life partner.

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 17:20

I believe that you are right... horrid end to the weekend with a man who has shown
Me that he doesn't give a shit about me.
I would be walking on egg shells and what of, as a pp said, something happens that is my fault ?? What then?
No. He is meant to add to my
Life not leave me when a crisis of sorts occurs. I think I'm done. What a pity. I saw the remainder of my life with him by my side.
He always spoke of us as a team. I didn't feel part of any team last night or this morning. He left it to me to sort and then left me. Next.

OP posts:
Zilla1 · 13/02/2022 17:22

What are the chances of him growing up at the age of 46? As you say, life throws difficulties at people and you have an understanding of how he reacts and not just at the cause of the issue but to someone facing the same discomfort. And no, I don't think an adult man raging at an elderly lady over what was presumably a mistake is acceptable, even if that sounds ageist and sexist. Sounds like a near miss if you had views this relationship had legs unfortunately.

Hesma · 13/02/2022 17:23

I would have probably reacted the same in the circumstances. He was cold, overtired and hungry. I would have gone straight home though and not slept in the car. I’d also give her a pasting on trip advisor

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 17:26

He had the option of having four hours sleep in the guest house and breakfast.
He could have taken that option or at least suggested I go with him.
He did neither, but passed Me at the Bedroom door with his bag packed about to walk down the stairs after I came
Up from speaking to the lady .....
A man that gives zero fucks about me whatever way we dress it up.

OP posts:
Lemonweightloss · 13/02/2022 17:26

@sleepspray, sorry you had a horrid weekend. The Team bit he's been talking about is interesting. They're just words, not actions. I've been with my dh for over 30 years. We've had some awful times but throughout it all, he's never made me feel like it was my fault, or been nasty because we're a Team. And like a pp said, we'd recover from this and laugh about it ( once we were warmed up !).
He would also have given me his coat!
Anyway, you sound pretty resolute. I'm just sorry you had a rubbish weekend.

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 17:31

Thanks. I'm pretty tearfull this evening. Such a disappointment. More hopes and dreams slashed

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 13/02/2022 17:32

He’s shown you exactly who he is. You’re right to dump him. Sorry you had such a horrible time. Flowers

formalineadeline · 13/02/2022 17:33

I don't understand how you got locked out. By someone running a business and used to having paying guests there.

Was this a place with a rule that the entrance is locked at 11pm or midnight and she didn't tell you / have it written anywhere?

Or it was communicated and you forgot / missed the cutoff?

Or she normally leaves it open but randomly locked it during your stay?

Because if the reason for all this was that there was an 11pm time communicated but you caused both of you to be late back and miss it, for instance, he might be justified in being very upset with you.

The context does matter to other people's perceptions - which you requested.

AnyFucker · 13/02/2022 17:35

There is a lot missing from this tale

formalineadeline · 13/02/2022 17:35

He would also have given me his coat!

Why? So he could get hypothermia and you could be toasty warm?

ChickenStripper · 13/02/2022 17:35

You sound pretty convinced that this is what you want to do so go ahead. Has he been in touch since?

Zilla1 · 13/02/2022 17:37

I think it might be worse than him not caring about you, OP, I think he has temper/control issues and has to stop himself from losing it 'just don't'. This may be worse in relationship terms as when he is comfortable or you spend more time together, he might see less need to control it.

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 17:38

To enter we needed a code, which one the the staff gave us written in a card.
It was the wrong code.
There is no more to this tale @AnyFucker.
It's that simple but feel free to ask anything, for context.

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 17:38

He hasn't been in touch. I suspect that he is in bed.

OP posts:
Crumbs22 · 13/02/2022 17:39

@sleepspray

Thanks. I'm pretty tearfull this evening. Such a disappointment. More hopes and dreams slashed
I'm really sorry it ended this way for you and really admire you for choosing yourself knowing you deserve so much better. There was nothing you could have done.
formalineadeline · 13/02/2022 17:39

@sleepspray

I think that because my travel time was going to be over an hour and his was only ten minutes and I would definitely have been over the limit for driving I think, he knew that I couldn't have travelled home and he never asked me to come With him. He just flounced off. That really Hurts. I see that he cannot handle anything that doesn't go smoothly. He just nails. I don't need that flakiness in my life. I need a partner.
I think that because my travel time was going to be over an hour and his was only ten minutes

If you were so ridiculously close to his home, why did you sleep in the cars? Whose idea was that?

Again, if you insisted on sleeping in the cars instead of journeying to his house on foot or in a taxi, then I'd say he was pretty justified to be extremely upset.

Lemonweightloss · 13/02/2022 17:41

@formalineadeline, yes, but that's the thing. I wouldn't have taken it. We would have perhaps shared it. Like partners do. We would look out for each other.

formalineadeline · 13/02/2022 17:41

Then why did you refuse to explain earlier if it's so straightforward?

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 17:42

His home is a ten minute drive. A half
Hour walk .It was pouring down and extremely cold. We had hoped that if we continued to ring the guesthouse, that someone would answer.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/02/2022 17:42

Like getting blood out of a stone….

Original poster
sleepspray · 13/02/2022 17:44

@formalineadeline . When did I refuse to explain anything?
I get the impression that you either disbelieve me or don't think that this is an issue?
Why pick? It's very straightforward what happened

OP posts:
Ravenclaws · 13/02/2022 17:44

He was wrong to walk out on you as if it were somehow your fault! But I would be mightily pissed off too, mistakes happen but that must have really ruined the weekend. No excuse really.

However like I said, it wasn't your fault. You were in the exact same position as him and you still found it in yourself to be polite to the owner and to be reasonable with him. He made a bad situation even worse by storming off. I wouldn't make contact with him and if/when he contacts you I would make it clear that his behaviour was unfair on you. His reaction to this would then determine what I did next.

formalineadeline · 13/02/2022 17:47

[quote Lemonweightloss]@formalineadeline, yes, but that's the thing. I wouldn't have taken it. We would have perhaps shared it. Like partners do. We would look out for each other.[/quote]
Right. You said he would have given you his coat. Not offered it and been refused. And not that you would offer yours. Or share like you now suggest.