Things my husband said to me today

[Sleeplessem]

‘Go lose some weight’ I’m 3kg up on pre baby weight at 10 weeks PP. went on a specific weight gain diet in order to avoid iugr this time. Worked too well apparently
‘You’ve got disgusting saggy tits’ I’m breastfeeding and I’ve always hated my boobs
‘You’ve peaked at a mid 30k job, you’ll never get aboie that, you’re not capable’
And some derogatory comment about my education

Oh to be young and in love

@Sleeplessem what a terrible situation to be in. I feel so very sorry for you honestly. You don’t deserve this.

Surely there must be something you can do. There must be some help out there in this situation?

Can anyone reading advise?

@justthecat

You can leave and nobody has to know where you and you’re kids have gone call womens aid xx they will help you

I was thinking that. But won’t he then use the courts or something to track her down?

OP I know of a safe house, a farm ran by the Catholic Workers (Christian Anarchists, very lovely people) they have women and children stay there.

My offer stands too. Where I’m moving is very near the sea and peaceful and very hard to get to. You’d be safe there.

Keep a very, very detailed log of everything like this that him and his repulsive family do. I mean everything. Date, time, exact description. Even if it it something that concerns other children in the family. Also, if you’re able to gather evidence of him saying and doing these awful things, do so secretly, do not let him know, and build a file. It’ll could all come in useful if you do ever get to your limit earlier and leave earlier.

@Hankunamatata

Id be planning to disappear with the kids, change my name and relocate.

Me too.

It’s easier to do this OP, than stay for another decade.

Phone Women’s Aid and get their advice. They deal with cases like yours day in day out.

That's bloody outrageous. My husband would never say anything like that to me. And we have been married for a long time and I'm really annoying. You've got a wrong un there. Get rid. You deserve better 😘

@saleorbouy

Can I ask why you are having kids with this horrible person?

Dc1 was very much wanted and tried for, and he wasn’t really like this then. I think he’d had maybe 1/2 nasty outbursts and with hindsight it was ‘easy’ to dismiss them as they were so far apart (I’m talking years). Lockdown and each other’s company 24/7 exacerbated and magnified every tiny bad feeling. He couldn’t / wouldn’t understand anxiety and made no effort to, it’s clealry frustrated him and he’d end up screaming and shouting at me. Dc2 was a surprise v much unplanned and was an attempt (suggested via online couples counselling) to reconnect sexually, protection failed 😞

@SunflowerTed

Tell him he’s got a tiny dick and he’s rubbish in bed. Two wrongs don’t make a right but it’s a start!!!!

Why would you escalate the situation with that type of man?

I'm not saying she must bow down, but she's in a precarious position when he has his dreadful family as backup.

She needs an escape plan first

@Mouldyfeet

Why did you have another child with him???

Protection failed, termination didn’t sit right and I have a beautiful baby who in many ways has been very healing to me. I’m very much glad I have him

Tell him, despite being fat arsed with saggy tits, and such poor career prospects, you still find him to be a repulsive cunt and to get the fuck out of your house.

Disgusting vermin of a man.

People say leave for all sorts on here. But seriously, please say you’re leaving this disgusting excuse of a man?

Omfg he would be an ex! You are worth sooo much more

I have a plan:

Document everything, it’s one of the reasons I use MN.
Work on my confidence
Lose 5kg
Work my butt off when I go back to work and get a new job and promotion
Protect dcs
When they can articulate where they’d like to stay and who they don’t want contact with
Build a network of friends, I’m quite isolated
Get a side gig
Squirrel money away, transfer to a loyal friend (find loyal friend first)

Then
….adios amigo

I’d thought my late father would have left me some money so I could leave earlier, but my mother took it all

Please please leave. Ten years ago I did. As soon as he went out after a brutal verbal and physical attack I filled the car with the baby’s things, got my cat and drove 150 miles away. He’s seen her twice in that time under court supervision in a location twenty miles from where we lived after I left. I have never ever looked back or regretted that decision.
You can break free of this dead weight. Please go. It’s hard to start off but so worth it for a free life. I can guarantee he won’t do any of the things he’s threatened agains you and the kids. Men who talk about it don’t have the guts to follow through with their threats.

I hope you told him not to let the door hit him on the way out!

go loose some weight
Go find somewhere else to leave dickhead

You’ve got disgusting, saggy tits
Yeah, but I can change them. You’ll always be a twat.

You’ve peaked at a 30k PA job
Well at least I’ll have the child maintenance to top me up if I’m short.

@Sleeplessem

I have a plan:

Document everything, it’s one of the reasons I use MN.
Work on my confidence
Lose 5kg
Work my butt off when I go back to work and get a new job and promotion
Protect dcs
When they can articulate where they’d like to stay and who they don’t want contact with
Build a network of friends, I’m quite isolated
Get a side gig
Squirrel money away, transfer to a loyal friend (find loyal friend first)

Then
….adios amigo

I’d thought my late father would have left me some money so I could leave earlier, but my mother took it all

You go girl!! Awesome plan. Good luck x

I realise some of this above may seem petty but it’s about me getting confidence and control of my life.

I’d not realised actually until MN, I’d gone from an abusive childhood home to an awfully abusive first relationship to then meeting DH and it being ‘ fine’ then sliding into abusive but because it’s less than I experienced before (no bruises etc) it took a while to register. Please don’t come for me on that, I’m just being honest.

Do you want your children growing up hearing their father berate and belittle their mother? Maybe even coming to believe that this is normal behaviour in a relationship?

You have some very serious thinking to do about your future, OP. You deserve a better life than this. As do your children.

Can you video record anything? Any abuse?

Big hug to you. He’s really trying to destroy every shred of your self esteem by attacking your intellect, looks and career. And seems like he’s waited till you’re at your most vulnerable to do it. Unlike many on here, I get that you can’t always be rid of a partner that easily. But you can recognise that you’re not stuck forever and start planning for a different future. All the best

If a random person came up to you and commented on your "saggy tits" surely you would say FUCK OFF. Would you accept it from an acquaintance? A friend? A sibling? Why accept it from some