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Original poster

Things my husband said to me today

204 replies

Sleeplessem · 12/02/2022 20:17

‘Go lose some weight’ I’m 3kg up on pre baby weight at 10 weeks PP. went on a specific weight gain diet in order to avoid iugr this time. Worked too well apparently
‘You’ve got disgusting saggy tits’ I’m breastfeeding and I’ve always hated my boobs
‘You’ve peaked at a mid 30k job, you’ll never get aboie that, you’re not capable’
And some derogatory comment about my education

Oh to be young and in love

OP posts:
DillDanding · 12/02/2022 20:29

Raise your bar.

I have been married for almost 27 years. My husband has never once said anything unkind or insulting to me. In fact, he raises me up and compliments me. is in love.

SallyWD · 12/02/2022 20:30

I've been with DH nearly 20 years and he's not once spoken to me like that. It sounds so utterly cold and uncaring, especially as you've so recently given birth to his child.

Pebbledashery · 12/02/2022 20:31

Get this toxic bastard out of your life. You deserve respect.

TracyMosby · 12/02/2022 20:32

Find a different solicitor.

Would he want 50/50?

NuffSaidSam · 12/02/2022 20:33

@Sleeplessem

Best part is, I can’t leave for at least a decade. This is my life and will be til I’m 40.

Long story less long but serious concerns of his family being around my children (have posted about it before not sure how to link threads or I would) and if we divorce I can’t prevent his parents, specifically his mother from watching the children, although they are all bad, I know he’d leave his mother to watch them for extended periods and she basically neglected our eldest when she used to watch her when we wfh, ive also been told that she used to hit other kids in her care (cousins). A solicitor told me as our custody would likely be 50/50 I can’t prevent who our kids see in his time. And trust me the risk is too great.

It’s Better for me to be unhappy than them being neglected or worse

It won't be great for them spending 100% of the time in a home where their Dad speaks like that to their Mum.
Chilledchablis1 · 12/02/2022 20:34

Sleeplessem

“Best part is, I can’t leave for at least a decade. This is my life and will be til I’m 40.

Long story less long but serious concerns of his family being around my children (have posted about it before not sure how to link threads or I would) and if we divorce I can’t prevent his parents, specifically his mother from watching the children, although they are all bad, I know he’d leave his mother to watch them for extended periods and she basically neglected our eldest when she used to watch her when we wfh, ive also been told that she used to hit other kids in her care (cousins). A solicitor told me as our custody would likely be 50/50 I can’t prevent who our kids see in his time. And trust me the risk is too great.

It’s Better for me to be unhappy than them being neglected or worse“

You can ALWAYS leave ! Take it from someone whose first husband and family were absolutely awful ; violent , controlling , toxic. Yes it was tough but more than 30 years later ( and a happy second marriage) my only regret is not leaving sooner .
You owe it to your DC .

Ijustneedtosleep21 · 12/02/2022 20:35

Why are you still with him?

HerRoyalHappiness · 12/02/2022 20:36

You can absolutely prevent them watching your children if you go through court. My children are not allowed near any of their dads family as SS and CAFCASS sent reports to the court stating how unsafe they would be around all of the family except their dad. Now they see their dad once a week, and sleep over every other weekend. Before he got his own place to live he had to see them in the environment, which meant taking them out for the day to the park, or a play centre.

Original poster
Sleeplessem · 12/02/2022 20:37

@TracyMosby

Find a different solicitor.

Would he want 50/50?

He’d want to make sure I dont see them again, he’s said he’d use my mental health against me.
I was abused as a child and it really hit me like a ton of bricks In my first pregnancy and then I had a lot of complications so I became quite anxious and then had pnd after birth.

It’s better for me to be called names, than for my kids to be beaten with a shoe, left in shit, force fed, denied medical attention, circumcised against my will… all of those things will happen under his mothers watch. There’s also a very backwards anti British/ western culture in the family that I’ve discovered and we know the type of sentiment that breeds

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 12/02/2022 20:38

My concern if you stay is that he will damage your relationship with the children. They could also turn out like him.

If they live with you 50% of the time, at least they will have some normality. If you leave with a young baby you are more likely to get more than 50%.

pinkyredrose · 12/02/2022 20:39

Why can't you leave him?

iRun2eatCake · 12/02/2022 20:40

I understand why you don't want to leave. So start planning it now... detach emotionally from him, ensure you keep in contact with your friends, ensure you know all the finances, get on Experian so you can keep an eye on all credit.

Have you got anyone you 100% trust that you could give money to that can be saved but not in your name?

Original poster
Sleeplessem · 12/02/2022 20:40

I’m also on mat leave now, with pay due to drop and no family or friends to support, so couldn’t go anywhere any way.

No point to this thread other than to vent.

If I had no kids, boy bye.

I just need a better paying job then I’m outta here

OP posts:
Cherrysherbet · 12/02/2022 20:42

Sounds like a charmer. Leave op, this won’t get any better.

Original poster
Sleeplessem · 12/02/2022 20:45

@Fireflygal

My concern if you stay is that he will damage your relationship with the children. They could also turn out like him.

If they live with you 50% of the time, at least they will have some normality. If you leave with a young baby you are more likely to get more than 50%.

Believe me I’ve weighed it up, it’s hard because you don’t know his family (of course you don’t) and I can’t prove anything, but I know how I’ve been treated, the things that I’ve heard and the awful treatment of my toddler at the hands of his mum, them living like that 50% of the time is far far worse than him calling me names after they’ve gone to bed.

I’m not a woman that makes excuses for her dick of a husband, I know it’s vile. This situation though is the lesser of 2 evils

OP posts:
SugarPlumFairy999 · 12/02/2022 20:48

I hope you find a way out, sooner the better and I hope your children don't have to love like this much longer, this is just awful

Pembertonrd · 12/02/2022 20:50

So sorry OP. Youre very brave.
Always remember his words come from a nasty, dark place. You're a lovely person and you will get away one day with your health in tact and your dc will know you did your best.

justthecat · 12/02/2022 20:51

You can leave and nobody has to know where you and you’re kids have gone call womens aid xx they will help you

Hoppinggreen · 12/02/2022 20:53

OP I think I remember a previous post from you (apologies if wrong) and I can see why you don’t feel you can leave unfortunately.
Staying for a while seems to be the best way of protecting your DC from this man and his family . It’s very easy for other people saying it’s better if you leave but you can’t risk your H and his awful family having unfettered access to the children
Horrible situation for you

SunflowerTed · 12/02/2022 20:53

Tell him he’s got a tiny dick and he’s rubbish in bed. Two wrongs don’t make a right but it’s a start!!!!

saleorbouy · 12/02/2022 20:56

Can I ask why you are having kids with this horrible person?

AutomaticMoon · 12/02/2022 20:56

This is heartbreaking! OP I’d invite you to live with me in Shetland, I’m moving there soon, if you want. I know of women who went to other countries to escape similar circumstances. I don’t know what the solution is, I’m sorry. What about that relationship counselling service Relate, does it still exist? Then you could have a third party record of the hideous way he treats you.

I abhor ‘circumcision’ on any sex, it’s vile and unnecessary abuse. There are videos on YT of boys under 10 being held down for it, just evil, they are manipulated to think it’s something to be proud of, urgh.

Ttcfinalbub · 12/02/2022 20:56

Set yourself free woman. It can be as damaging to them picking up in these things as being in his family's care believe me. As for them being in the care report to social explain concerns. As for the threats that's all they are grow yourself be strong and be able to look him in the eye and say go on and bring it. I was you but much worse. And I won round 1 round 2 and round 3 and I'll win again. Each bit you win you will gain confidence in yourself. Good luck don't let this relationship be the standard which your children expect. If you wouldn't want a son treating a woman like it or your daughter treated like it walk now.

BeefSupreme · 12/02/2022 20:57

Why are you with him?

Hankunamatata · 12/02/2022 20:57

Id be planning to disappear with the kids, change my name and relocate.