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Original poster

I think my fwb went on a date last night

444 replies

bellinirocks · 12/02/2022 10:05

Normally we text all day and chat most evenings, but the past couple of days he's been quiet and not suggested talking in the evening. Last night I kept looking to see if he was online (WhatsApp) and no. Even if he was out with friends he would suggest talking afterwards or he's send me a drunk text at 1 in the morning.

I just have this really strong gut feeling he was on a date last night . I feel pretty devastated, we've been seeing each other for 4 years. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
MrsGHarrison87 · 12/02/2022 10:06

Either stop seeing him or tell him your true feelings for him.

Chloemol · 12/02/2022 10:08

Surely as a FWB he can date? It’s sex only after all

If you want more, then tell them, or accept they are only interested in you sex and move on

CorrBlimeyGG · 12/02/2022 10:08

It sounds like you want more than fwb?

KylieCharlene · 12/02/2022 10:09

I'd ask him straight out.
Better to know where things stand now than to sit ruminating.

Inspectorslack · 12/02/2022 10:09

If he’s a Fwb then surely he can date?

lomoloko · 12/02/2022 10:10

This isn't a FWB, I'm sorry. You should let this person know you want a committed relationship with them. They surely don't want to hurt you in this way.

notthatonethisone · 12/02/2022 10:11

But that's the thing with Fwb? He's entitled to date as are you. You're not in a relationship

If you want more and it sounds like you do you need to talk to him. But be prepared for him to say no

I'm sorry. It's not what you want to hear but it does sound like for you this has crossed into a semi relationship status after so many years. But he's not doing anything wrong if it's always been classed as fwb.

FelicityPike · 12/02/2022 10:11

You’re not together together like an actual couple?
So he can see who he likes, do what he likes.
If you don’t want him to do that, then you need to talk to him about being in a relationship & being exclusive.
If he says no, then you need to end this fwb pish.

pinkyredrose · 12/02/2022 10:12

He's not your partner, he can do what he likes. So can you.

Mumdiva99 · 12/02/2022 10:13

4 years of sex but no relationship. I think that tells you what you need to know. Get out and find a man that values you properly. (Doesn't matter what he was doing your reaction tells you what you need to do). Find your self respect and stop this. (Even if you think you love him blah blah blah....) Yes it will be hard. As hard as a break up. Yes you may get lonely. But at least you will be open to meeting someone who is proud to have you has their GF.

SallyWD · 12/02/2022 10:14

The whole point of FWB is no commitment. Its just no strings attached sex. You seem to be seeing this as a relationship. I feel for you OP. This is why I could never be FWB. If I liked a man enough to repeatedly sleep with him I'd probably want to be more rgan a friend.

THisbackwithavengeance · 12/02/2022 10:15

Call me old fashioned but why would you shag a man for 4 years, text and speak everyday and yet somehow not be in a relationship?

No wonder these men are so pleased with themselves.

Mermaidwaves · 12/02/2022 10:15

Ahh this is the problem with FWBs! He's 'allowed' to go on a date because you're not together right? But of course you're now hurt and confused and wondering where this leaves you.

I would think theres some blurred boundaries here as you're used to him texting and talking to you lots in between meetings. That's more like boyfriend territory and this is where the confusion and hurt comes in, when they start seeing someone who they want a relationship with. Inevitable that will happen with one side of the FWB set up.

Talk to him, it's your only option. You must be prepared that he likes all the benefits with no commitments though, that's not always an easy dynamic to change. I did it once, never again, I got my heart broken when he dropped me for someone he actually cared about.

Inspectorslack · 12/02/2022 10:15

@Mumdiva99 why do you think it’s valuing someone properly to be in a relationship?

I’ve had fwb in the past and it didn’t mean I didn’t value them as a fwb. It just meant I wasn’t in the space to have a relationship but I still wanted sex.

Hdhr8jsj · 12/02/2022 10:16

You really need to talk to him.

bonfireheart · 12/02/2022 10:17

Why are you talking so much as FWBs?
And in the 4 years have neither of you seen anyone else?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 12/02/2022 10:17

FWB is non monogamous by definition, unless you've negotiated otherwise.
Why are you still doing this after 4 years if you want more?

LawnFever · 12/02/2022 10:17

He’s treating your relationship as fwb, he’s entitled to go on a date.

You clearly want this to be more, if after 4 years you’re not in an actual relationship you need to walk away from this now.

He’s actually done nothing wrong, but I can equally see why you feel hurt.

FinallyHere · 12/02/2022 10:20

Are you sure you wanted a FWB relationship with this person? Or did you want a more traditional, exclusive and committed relationship which they were not up for?

Living a good life starts with being honest about yourself and your own motivations.

If you had chosen a FWB you would not be Feeling devastated, would you?

username1293948 · 12/02/2022 10:20

I thought FWB was sex with no strings attached? Why do people put themselves in situations that are bound to get them hurt in the long run? Confused if after 4 years nothing has developed, nothing ever will

Original poster
bellinirocks · 12/02/2022 10:23

So a fwb set up suited me as I'm a lone parent and didn't have time to have a relationship with anyone, as I have my children all the time. He said he didn't want a relationship with anyone either.

I think if I talk to him he will deny it as he knows how upset I will be about it. I think that's why he's been quiet the past few days because he feels guilty .

OP posts:
CorrBlimeyGG · 12/02/2022 10:27

He's allowed to change this mind about wanting a relationship in four years, and not feel guilty about it! How often do you actually see him?

Original poster
bellinirocks · 12/02/2022 10:31

It varies normally every 3-4 weeks during the day or evening.
He can change his mind abt a relationship of course - but only afew days ago we were talking about when my kids will be at uni he will be able to stay the weekend - we both were looking forward to that.
I feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
LeifSan · 12/02/2022 10:36

Well he’s not a FWB since you have romantic feelings for him. This talk about staying the weekend when your kids were at uni - again as a FWB or as an actual relationship?

If he’s decided it’s too long to wait and wants to date other people that is up to him but it sounds like you’ve both been more to each other than FWB even though that’s the label you gave it.

I think it’s time to have an honest conversation about how you really feel.

Fairylightsongs · 12/02/2022 10:40

I think you’ve pretended this is an fwb but in reality in your head he was your boyfriend.

Fwb is just that, no romantic relationship, free to see others. It’s literally you’re mates who shag.

That’s not what you want, so you need to end this, because it’s never going to be what you want