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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Huaband wants to take 'sexy' photos of me.

209 replies

LissyW · 08/02/2022 15:14

Hi everyone, first post... My husband has asked me if he can take some sexy photos of me. He says not pornographic, more erotic. I've said I'll think about it but I'm not sure how I feel about it, so I'm seeking opinions.
My libido, and our sex life, has taken a dip since out daughter was born. Not unusual. Husband says he wants to try to revive things and he thinks the erotic pictures might help to restore my confidence. I don't feel very sexy but he says, to him, I'm as sexy as I ever was. What do you think l. Should I?
Lissy x

OP posts:
Maireas · 10/02/2022 19:24

@SheldonesqueTheBstard
To the point, as ever!.

Shunter350 · 10/02/2022 19:25

@Maireas

Funny how men never find posing nude "empowering".
Good point. And one worth remembering. As a bloke I would never allow myself to take / send nude or suggestive pics and I would never ask a woman to do the same.
Ionlydomassiveones · 10/02/2022 19:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Maireas · 10/02/2022 19:28

Interesting, @Shunter350. It certainly makes you vulnerable, even inadvertently.
A couple of years ago, a colleague was showing us some pictures on his phone and passed it across to me, as I couldn't see them. I swiped one too many and saw more of his girlfriend than I really wanted to.

Maireas · 10/02/2022 19:30

(the colleague only intended to show innocent holiday pictures, I hasten to add!)

UmbrellasAndToadstools25 · 10/02/2022 19:32

I can’t think of anything worse than wearing some dodgy underwear, hooker heels, Bonnie Tyler hair and a feather boa… would men find that empowering? No.

Grin Grin Grin

I wouldn't want to, I'd feel a complete prat. It seems so corny too.

scoobydoo1971 · 10/02/2022 19:43

A few years ago I went to a photography studio to get professional images for my website (my business/ job). Somehow...and I am not entirely sure how this happened as I am not usually one for 'hard sell'...I found myself being 'painted' in makeup by their Boudoir makeup artist to 'look my best' (apparently). Honestly she put foundation and garish eye-shadow on with a builder's trowel and I looked like a confused clown. I was dressed modestly and professionally for the photo shoot, but I was so disappointed when I picked up my images. I couldn't use them for work as they looked so awful (I saw the funny side however). If I had done the proper boudoir shots in my underwear, I would have been mortified if anyone had ever seen them under any circumstances. My advice to you is only do what makes you happy, and think about a future fallout if those pics got into the wrong hands. Would you be happy if they were published (even by accident) on the internet?

MoniqueK · 13/03/2022 16:17

"You will never be as beautiful as you are today"
I heard that quote many years ago and it has resonated with me ever since. So long as you fully trust your partner, take that request as being an ultimate compliment. My husband asked if he could take sexy photos of me almost twenty years ago and I have never regretted it even once.

Of course, "trust" is the keyword here. My husband and I have a very secure relationship and the fact he still likes me to pose in sexy pictures underlines just how physically attracted he is to me and I feel totally confident around him. Just how much "sexiness" you want to display in a picture is completely up to the individual. Part of the glue in our relationship is how both my husband and I share the same philosophy that "the seduction never stops".

Some are only comfortable being a a pretty dress or a swimsuit. Others may include a more boudoir scenario. In our case, we are both completely comfortable with full nudity and even though I am now in my mid-fifties, I still love how my husband is obsessed with my appearance. In return, I still think he is hot and quite often we pose for each other and love looking back at these memories.

FurStories · 13/03/2022 16:19

Nah!

And whilst you're at it, tell him to get off the fkg porn sites!

FurStories · 13/03/2022 16:19

I can’t think of anything worse than wearing some dodgy underwear, hooker heels, Bonnie Tyler hair and a feather boa… would men find that empowering? No

Grin
FurStories · 13/03/2022 16:22

Never give a man a naked picture of yourself. Its just a natural rule. Like the sun coming up in the morning ...

LissyW · 13/03/2022 20:36

MoniqueK. Thanks for a positive post, and I'm so glad you have such a secure and loving relationship.
x

OP posts:
Lucinda86 · 13/03/2022 20:41

My husband has a private album full of pics and videos of me but they’re all ones I have been happy for him to take or I’ve taken for him in the 10yr we’ve been together - my choice he never asked me to or pressured me to it was my decision - I think that’s the most important factor here.

Crikeyalmighty · 13/03/2022 20:54

I’m afraid it would be a no from me— have seen too many seemingly good relationships go wrong over the years and too many posts about seemingly loving husbands turning into utter weirdos and uploading stuff like this on reddit etc— I hate it that I have to feel that way- but I’m afraid I do.

11GrumpsaGrumping · 13/03/2022 21:06

@LissyW

Gosh, some of the posts on here are really sad. My husband and I have our issues, but I trust that he would protect any sexy photos of me.

Op, I am fairly body confident now, ironically with probably the least-nice body I have ever had. When I was younger and has a nicer figure, I worried a lot more!

I've done a few sexy type photo shoots (and videos, shock horror to some of the PPs). I've always done them with someone I trust, and inevitably, I have left them feeling a lot sexier and more empowered- sort of seeing myself as they see me, rather than as I see myself.

I'd encourage you to really consider it- have a few drinks and have a fun evening of it!

LexMitior · 13/03/2022 22:18

A personal choice - but... yes of course men share them. I've met a few men who were "collectors" and they share their pictures as trophies. I am sure these women never intended anyone else to see, but of course, that was entirely the point of the picture taking in the first place.

Buildingthefuture · 14/03/2022 06:57

Nope. I never would. Having spent far too many years working almost solely with men, the number of times these types of images get shared around is unbelievable. And yes, it’s husbands sharing pictures of wives, not just those who have fwb etc. It’s grim AF

Littlebylittlelittle · 14/03/2022 07:53

@11GrumpsaGrumping

‘
Gosh, some of the posts on here are really sad. My husband and I have our issues, but I trust that he would protect any sexy photos of me.’

Said by many many a woman now fighting sites to have her revenge porn pics removed

Every single one of them trusted their husbands or partners too, sadly

Littlebylittlelittle · 14/03/2022 07:55

The most empowered women in the world are those that don’t need the male gaze to validate them and can see themselves as beautiful through their own eyes without a man imo

Tamworth123 · 14/03/2022 09:03

There's also a few women on here who have said their husbands uploaded photos of them online to sites where they could brag and share their wife's photos as wanking material for other men.

This.

And women.whove trusted their husbands & partners implicitly have ended up in this scenario.

Tamworth123 · 14/03/2022 09:09

"You will never be as beautiful as you are today"
I heard that quote many years ago and it has resonated with me ever since.

If you see beauty as age related.

If you see beauty as purely superficial.

If you don't allow for lifestyle changes or happiness ever improving someone's looks or demeanour.

Tamworth123 · 14/03/2022 09:11

it's down to what you think you need to restore your libido. It doesn't matter what your H says

And this.

Tamworth123 · 14/03/2022 09:15

I'm surprised how many distrustful, mean-spirited, and downright cynical some of these replies are. I don't think all men are as deceitful, manipulative, and selfish as some of you clearly think.

What a weird black nd white interpretation of people raising the issue of readers wives porn stuff.

It doesn't have to be all men; some men is enough for it to be a possibility for any woman to be affected.

Littlebylittlelittle · 14/03/2022 09:26

@Tamworth123

I'm surprised how many distrustful, mean-spirited, and downright cynical some of these replies are. I don't think all men are as deceitful, manipulative, and selfish as some of you clearly think.

What a weird black nd white interpretation of people raising the issue of readers wives porn stuff.

It doesn't have to be all men; some men is enough for it to be a possibility for any woman to be affected.

Absolutely … and the amount of revenge porn , men sharing naked pics of exes or even partners with friends is not an insignificant number .., But of course there will always be naive women will label those of us who dare to speak up about a very real issue as cynical lol … yikes
Littlebylittlelittle · 14/03/2022 09:29

@MoniqueK
"You will never be as beautiful as you are today"
I heard that quote many years ago and it has resonated with me ever since

I don’t understand this quote . Why would it resonate and why would one be never more beautiful ? Are you implying women are only beautiful when young and get less so each dayConfused