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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Huaband wants to take 'sexy' photos of me.

209 replies

LissyW · 08/02/2022 15:14

Hi everyone, first post... My husband has asked me if he can take some sexy photos of me. He says not pornographic, more erotic. I've said I'll think about it but I'm not sure how I feel about it, so I'm seeking opinions.
My libido, and our sex life, has taken a dip since out daughter was born. Not unusual. Husband says he wants to try to revive things and he thinks the erotic pictures might help to restore my confidence. I don't feel very sexy but he says, to him, I'm as sexy as I ever was. What do you think l. Should I?
Lissy x

OP posts:
SheldonesqueTheBstard · 08/02/2022 18:22

Nuh.

But tell him if he is all about the photos then you’ll take ones of him as you find it more ‘erotic’ being the one behind the lens.

Assure him it won’t be pornographic.

And you’ll even bleach his nuuuuus.

AdultingInTheCountryside · 08/02/2022 18:23

I would find it weird if my partner took them for me but I’d take some for my partner

TabithaTittlemouse · 08/02/2022 18:23

@SheldonesqueTheBstard

Nuh.

But tell him if he is all about the photos then you’ll take ones of him as you find it more ‘erotic’ being the one behind the lens.

Assure him it won’t be pornographic.

And you’ll even bleach his nuuuuus.

Grin definitely do this!
WallaceinAnderland · 08/02/2022 18:24

He says not pornographic, more erotic

Yeah, right.

Gowithme · 08/02/2022 18:26

Why don't you take some sexy selfies of yourself? Then you can decide if you want him to see any of them or not. I've taken some of myself in corset and stockings for OH but only neck down, I wouldn't go further than that personally. And I definitely wouldn't want my OH taking photos of me, I would not find that sexy - is this really for your benefit or just for his?

Ionlydomassiveones · 08/02/2022 18:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

HollowTalk · 08/02/2022 18:30

How much does he do about the house? He might find doing the dishes, vacuuming and tidying up actually goes a very very long way.

EarthSight · 08/02/2022 18:31

Don't do it.

Maybe if you lived decades ago, things would be different, but these days, you need to ask yourself how you would feel if your photos were leaked online. You could be hacked. Everyone doesn't think it will happen to them until it does.

There's also a few women on here who have said their husbands uploaded photos of them online to sites where they could brag and share their wife's photos as wanking material for other men. Many of these women were utterly shocked their husband had done such a thing.

I have a feeling this photoshoot is very much to your husbands benefit, enjoyment and titillation than it is to yours.

AndAnotherNewOne · 08/02/2022 18:33

He could easily put them on the internet. Not worth the risk.

LissyW · 08/02/2022 18:34

Thanks for all your replies. There are some very thoughtful comments here, but I am surprised and saddened by how many of you think there's a risk of any photos ending up anywhere I wouldn''t want them to. I trust my husband enough to know that wouldn't happen. He's already said I would have full control of the images. ie, none on his phone etc. Special thanks to StickerPlace; I think his motivation is purely to try help me relocate my sexuality. I love my husband very much and trust him not to take photos that would he would show to anyone else.
It's not something that I have ever thought about doing before, but I know men are more image-oriented and, yes, I think it is his way of helping me to see myself as he sees me.
There is no pressure from him. He suggested it once and hasn't mentioned it since. The ball is firmly in my court and I suppose my hesitation is because I am not sure how ot would make me feel. Sexy, or dirty? I'm no prude though, so perhaps it would be a positive thing.

OP posts:
Eightiesfan · 08/02/2022 18:35

No way. Can you be sure he won’t post these online? I would not risk it, just the thought of it gives me the heebie jeebies.

Itsnotdeep · 08/02/2022 18:42

So he's decided that he wants more sex, and him taking erotic photos of you is going to lead you to want more sex with him?

I can't think of anything less sexy for me tbh (although I can see how it would turn him on). What would make YOU want more sex? I assume the baby is very young. Maybe he just needs to help you get more sleep, or look after the baby so you can go out, or cook for you, or buy you lovely gifts.

MaChienEstUnDick · 08/02/2022 18:43

I fail to see how taking pics would help YOU get your libido back though. It's your DH's 'thing', not yours. The fact you're talking yourself into it suggests it won't have the desired effect, so then you've got a bunch of goosebumps and a nylon rash for nothing.

What do YOU need to get your libido back? If you're feeling touched out by the baby, or just plain exhausted, then its probably a matter of time or getting a break.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 08/02/2022 18:51

He wants you to see what he sees? How kind indeed.

So he can pop his hand in his pocket and pay for you to have photos taken professionally with all the gubbins.

Not porny. Not erotic. But may well help you feel good.

And I would posit the notion that you are not going to be lying back in skimpies that are 4 sizes too small in such an establishment.

And I doubt someone is going to say ‘you know what would look good darling? Just let your straps fall. Maybe let the sheet drop a bit. And while you are at it, lie back and try and touch the wall behind you with the soles of your feet….’

movingon2022 · 08/02/2022 19:01

This @TabithaTittlemouse Maybe he could work on showing you that he still finds you attractive rather than taking photos for his wank bank.

And this @HollowTalk How much does he do about the house? He might find doing the dishes, vacuuming and tidying up actually goes a very very long way.

It is interesting how men often suggest things to “help us” when it is so clear they are doing it for themselves. Do they think they know better what we need then we do? How will this help you feel more sexual when it obviously makes you uncomfortable? Btw, I would never take photos of myself naked, nor would I allow my partner to do it, but that is just me.

LissyW · 08/02/2022 19:10

I'm surprised how many distrustful, mean-spirited, and downright cynical some of these replies are. I don't think all men are as deceitful, manipulative, and selfish as some of you clearly think. I certainly don't think my husband is!
Part of me thinks, we are not getting any younger and it might be nice to have some images that show me as a sexy woman to look back on in the future. In fact, I sort of wish I had some from when I was even younger. That might even remind me of the fact that I WAS sexy once upon a time.

OP posts:
WanderingLost167 · 08/02/2022 19:17

Buy some new lingerie, or something you feel sexy in, glass or two of wine, selfie stick and phone and have some fun and take some pics. Relax, have a laugh. And then, if you want, send him some.

Ilovecreepycrawlies · 08/02/2022 19:19

Red flag here @LissyW. Don't do it.

CaptainMal · 08/02/2022 19:19

Do not do it. Things may go sour, one of you may be careless. There are other ways to help you feel sexy!

User1isnotavailable · 08/02/2022 19:20

This sounds like it's more for him (and maybe others) than you. If you are unsure then don't do it.

Bordois · 08/02/2022 19:21

Yeah, everyone trusts their partner to keep their nudes private, which is why revenge porn doesn't exist 🤔

fallfallfall · 08/02/2022 19:22

i agree with @Lilolily, boudoir photo shoot with a professional photographer (female) who will do tasteful not trashy.

AutomaticMoon · 08/02/2022 19:23

I would do it but would feel more comfortable setting up a tripod and doing it myself.

AutomaticMoon · 08/02/2022 19:24

I read in a nude photography blog a tip that people feel more comfortable being nude near water. Not really the right weather for that though! 😃

Suzi888 · 08/02/2022 19:25

If you would enjoy it then go for it. Perhaps lead up to it- I think I’d wear a mask though (you never know!)

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