Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Huaband wants to take 'sexy' photos of me.

209 replies

LissyW · 08/02/2022 15:14

Hi everyone, first post... My husband has asked me if he can take some sexy photos of me. He says not pornographic, more erotic. I've said I'll think about it but I'm not sure how I feel about it, so I'm seeking opinions.
My libido, and our sex life, has taken a dip since out daughter was born. Not unusual. Husband says he wants to try to revive things and he thinks the erotic pictures might help to restore my confidence. I don't feel very sexy but he says, to him, I'm as sexy as I ever was. What do you think l. Should I?
Lissy x

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 08/02/2022 22:53

Thong.

(Though I guess thing might also work, depending on what he means by “erotic”)

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/02/2022 22:54

Ionlydomassiveones
"Most adults take photos and videos of each other naked or doing sexual acts."

No, they really don’t.

17 year olds, possibly. Adults, no.

WorstXmasEver · 08/02/2022 22:59

Nope.

Photos rarely do anyone justice & he's being very lazy. It takes more than a few photos to make a woman feel good about herself.

Bit odd in my opinion but I've never seen the point in mucky selfies.

beautifullymad · 08/02/2022 23:02

If you do it, it can be very rewarding and positive for a couple.

A few things to remember are making sure you have opaque underwear on and make sure your face isn't visible and to remove identifying jewellery.

You can be beautifully erotic whilst covering your modesty and still be non identifiable.

Only do it if you feel comfortable. If it's forced it won't work.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/02/2022 23:04

beautifullymad

A few things to remember are making sure you have opaque underwear on and make sure your face isn't visible and to remove identifying jewellery. “”
Why? If you don’t have complete trust, which you clearly don’t, why would you even consider this?

EarthSight · 08/02/2022 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EarthSight · 08/02/2022 23:31

@WonderfulYou

Jeez some of these replies are so dramatic!!

Most adults take photos and videos of each other naked or doing sexual acts.

Of course there is such thing as revenge porn but there’s also people who put secret cameras in public toilets, changing rooms and hotels, up skirting etc - which are just as common (if not more so) as revenge porn.

The issue comes when people send nudes or provocative photos to people they don’t know or barely know and it ends up getting spread on the internet.

If you don’t trust your partner enough to have a naked photo of you then you’re in the wrong relationship.
That doesn’t mean you have to do it if you don’t want to but many women find these things just as fun as men.

Do they??

The issue comes when people send nudes or provocative photos to people they don’t know or barely know and it ends up getting spread on the internet

This is naive @WonderfulYou. Many, many women have their videos and photos uploaded online to be wanked over. The uploading is often by longterm partners or husbands that they trusted because that is generally who has the most access to these type of photos.

If you don’t trust your partner enough to have a naked photo of you then you’re in the wrong relationship

I get what you're saying....but what an effective argument to get a woman to do something risky that might be really damaging to her in future.

Please do this for me......because you trust me....don't you?? (followed by sad puppy face).

astroboy45 · 09/02/2022 00:32

@EarthSight an insult from a stranger just because I don’t agree with you doesn’t do anything to me so feel free to carry on. It’s giving keyboard warrior vibes👍

Enjoy your pics if you do decide to do it OP😉

ladydimitrescu · 09/02/2022 00:42

Would you perhaps feel more comfortable taking them yourself? It's really completely up to you and what you are comfortable with. I'm an ok amateur photographer and took some tasteful lingerie shots of myself a few years back and made them into a photo book. I personally felt sexy in them, and my husband loved it which did make me feel confident.
Ignore some of the hysterical responses, I don't think he's terrible for suggesting this at all.

AuntTwacky · 09/02/2022 01:02

Go for it!

Heidi451 · 09/02/2022 01:19

No. What for? He already has you and lives with you - why tf does he want to take nude pictures? If he is a professional photographer and is using you as a photographic model, that I could understand, otherwise, no. What on earth does he plan to DO WITH THEM?

whysoserious123 · 09/02/2022 01:22

Get out your comfort zone and give it a go !

Just remember what's good for the goose is good food for the gander so make sure you get to take pics of him too!
Sounds like fun ! Maybe it will revive something

P.s if you don't like the pictures there always that magic delete button

Bogeyes · 09/02/2022 03:43

No. No. No

KarenTheGammonRemoaner · 09/02/2022 10:17

Did he say what they were for? When is he going to look at them?

rarge · 09/02/2022 10:23

@trumpisagit

How is it exploitative, it's her husband🙄

Not everyone's taste, still not exploitative fgs. Every man is a pervert on this site. God knows why any of you are married.

PickAChew · 09/02/2022 11:09

And being married means a relationship can't go wrong?

I have a feeling that this thread might be home to some rather sticky socks, anyhow. OP had already made up their mind and just wanted to tell us how unreasonable we all are.

rainbowdaz · 09/02/2022 11:14

@PickAChew

And being married means a relationship can't go wrong?

I have a feeling that this thread might be home to some rather sticky socks, anyhow. OP had already made up their mind and just wanted to tell us how unreasonable we all are.

Most men aren't doing that. Why even stay and have sex with someone you think is capable of such? I have actually had a video taken of me when I was 16, no idea if it was shared or not. Even I'm not that untrusting to think every person is like that. Just a bit ridiculous to be that fearful of your life partner that at any moment, you worry they might be secretly selling/distributing your (not even nude: lingerie) pictures onlineConfused

rainbowdaz · 09/02/2022 11:17

Do people really live in fear that their husband might turn around and beat them any day, or abuse their children, or kill them?

No, you don't because it's not in their character... but you think he might start extorting with revenge porn. Why?

PickAChew · 09/02/2022 11:20

daz there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries in a relationship. Nothing wrong at all. Other people's boundaries do not have to be the same as yours.

rainbowdaz · 09/02/2022 11:22

@PickAChew

daz there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries in a relationship. Nothing wrong at all. Other people's boundaries do not have to be the same as yours.

I'd extend the same sentiment. Goes without saying that not everyone wants pictures, just odd the way some people talk about it, like they're sleeping next to a devil who can turn at any second.

GrendelsGrandma · 09/02/2022 11:33

OP there are plenty of threads on here where women have found partners take photos with or without their consent then post them online or share with friends through social media.

Mumsnet is full of threads where women basically come to ask for permission to object to something, and the responses are always telling them to assert boundaries. Because when people post on here it's often because they've been treated like shit without being able to fully recognise and respond to it.

That's why you get all these suspicious replies. Why don't you discuss or write down a whole list of things that might reinvigorate your sex life a bit? It's not photos or nothing.

trumpisagit · 09/02/2022 11:37

@AngelinaFibres

Yuk. No from me
Actually this sun's it up perfectly.
Original poster
LissyW · 09/02/2022 11:52

OK everyone, thanks. I'm amazed how much discussion this has generated, and how many fiercely opposed points of view, some of them vaguely shocking; Someone said "wank bank"... Good grief. If he wanted that, the internet is full of images of women much more attractive and unabashed than me. I am 100% sure that is not his motivation. Someone said is it for me, or him? Well it would be for "us". Anything that revives our sex life benefits both of us. Someone suggested a professional 'boudoir shoot' but I don't like that idea at all. A stranger taking pictures of me in a studio? No thanks.

The discussion has crystalised a few things in my mind: 1. Sexy does not equal sleazy. 2. Sexual pictures of women are not necessarily exploitative. 3. My husband would never use any pictures against me, even if we broke up or something. It's just not in his nature. He actually said having the pictures is not important, but the process of taking them might help me to rediscover my inner vamp. And I do have one, somewhere. He has never sought to have the photos.

Someone suggested playing with selfies or having the camera on a tripod, with no-one else around, and I think that's what I am going to explore. I quite like that idea.

Thanks for all the thought-provoking comments. I will try to post an update when I've taken this further.

Lissy x

OP posts:
Branleuse · 09/02/2022 12:01

totally up to you. Its not something that anyone should pressure you into.

PinotPony · 09/02/2022 12:02

I have no problem taking pics with my partner. It's just something we do. But then I'm very comfortable in my body and sexuality. If my boss or parents saw them I'd be embarrassed but would just say "Yep, that's my body. So what..?" I don't find images of naked bodies offensive.

But if you're not comfortable with the idea, OP, then don't do it. Only you know whether this will help your confidence.

I agree with other posters that a boudoir shoot is a much better idea if you want some images to make you feel good about yourself. Pics on a smart phone do tend to show all the wobbly bits and cellulite so get a professional photographer involved. I went to FYEO in High Wycombe and have some gorgeous tasteful monotone prints on my bedroom wall. I understand your reasoning about having that to look back on when you're old and wrinkly!