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Original poster

Huaband wants to take 'sexy' photos of me.

209 replies

LissyW · 08/02/2022 15:14

Hi everyone, first post... My husband has asked me if he can take some sexy photos of me. He says not pornographic, more erotic. I've said I'll think about it but I'm not sure how I feel about it, so I'm seeking opinions.
My libido, and our sex life, has taken a dip since out daughter was born. Not unusual. Husband says he wants to try to revive things and he thinks the erotic pictures might help to restore my confidence. I don't feel very sexy but he says, to him, I'm as sexy as I ever was. What do you think l. Should I?
Lissy x

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 08/02/2022 20:31

I have sent and received plenty of sexy photos and I love them. I find them really personal.

I think you need to be comfortable doing this. It sounds like your partner wants you to see how sexy you are but you don’t want it to make you feel worse.

I think if you want to do it it would be a really fun gift to give your DH for Valentine’s Day. You could also take them and then decide whether to gift them or delete them.

If you have any worries about them being leaked as PPs have said, then you could wear a lace mask or something to hide your identity a bit.

Thatsplentyjack · 08/02/2022 20:34

Well I've never sent pictures or let anyone take pictures of me and I've never regretted it. Don't think I would be saying the same if I had.

WonderfulYou · 08/02/2022 20:34

Also the professional ones will probably look better but you can easily do them yourself if you feel too uncomfortable about someone else doing it.

seperatedmum · 08/02/2022 20:40

@AutomaticMoon

OP you can look on Pinterest for ideas for poses or whatever
there's even chaste boudoir ideas on there but the suggestions which pop up forever ain't 😋
BlancheB · 08/02/2022 20:41

but I know men are more image-oriented

Hahaha and women aren't? I can't believe this rubbish is trotted out.Someone else said men are more visual, I couldn't disagree more. Women have eyes too you know and we like an attractive partner as much as the next person Hmm

Squeezyhug · 08/02/2022 20:54

Go for it but only if the photos are to your taste and make you feel good also.
If that’s the case it would be a good confidence boost and like you say, nice photos to look back on in years to come.

You could also make them quite arty, perhaps not identifiable as you ((unless you want it to be) and you could put an enlarged one on your bedroom wall ?

EarthSight · 08/02/2022 21:04

@BlancheB

but I know men are more image-oriented

Hahaha and women aren't? I can't believe this rubbish is trotted out.Someone else said men are more visual, I couldn't disagree more. Women have eyes too you know and we like an attractive partner as much as the next person Hmm

@BlancheB The sheer amount of women I've seen with partners who are less conventionally attractive than themselves, sometimes markedly so, suggests that it's either not as important for women or we've been socially conditioned to accept less. It's very rare for me to see a couple where it's the man who is the more conventionally attractive of the pair. Sometimes the difference is pretty stark.
Lemis · 08/02/2022 21:04

@ImInStealthMode thats great for you. But i think there are more effective methods that ops partner could try first to get that result without jumping to her having to do sexy posing.

My point is if its meant to help her it seems very one sided in who has to put the effort in. He could chose something that means he has to put in a little too e.g. running her a mood setting bath

LlamaLucy · 08/02/2022 21:06

Yes deffo! How romantic 🥰 you’re obviously very beautiful and he can’t get enough! You go girl! Just make sure you are in control, you choose the outfits and YOU feel sexy

WildPoinsettia · 08/02/2022 21:08

I don't think all men are as deceitful, manipulative, and selfish as some of you clearly think. I certainly don't think my husband is!

Do you think anyone ever thinks "oooh yes, this man who is deceitful, manipulative and selfish is definitely the one, I'll propose tomorrow" ?

The problem with trusting someone to that extent, is that by the time a person finds out that actually, no, he's not trustworthy after all...it's already too late.

Nobody gets married thinking they'll get divorced. Nobody thinks their Prince will turn out to be a frog. Nobody thinks their Mr Nice guy, Mr Reasonable, will turn out to be a cheater or abusive or make their life hell on earth in an acrimonious divorce. Or all three. Yet it happens, time and time again.

Nobody is saying your DH is horrible, just that as a human being he has the potential to be. And it's wise to guard against that possibility. Risk is a personal thing. You asked for opinions.

PS how well do you know the person who fixes your tech when it breaks? The risk isn't just from your DH.

EarthSight · 08/02/2022 21:09

@LissyW

I'm surprised how many distrustful, mean-spirited, and downright cynical some of these replies are. I don't think all men are as deceitful, manipulative, and selfish as some of you clearly think. I certainly don't think my husband is! Part of me thinks, we are not getting any younger and it might be nice to have some images that show me as a sexy woman to look back on in the future. In fact, I sort of wish I had some from when I was even younger. That might even remind me of the fact that I WAS sexy once upon a time.
I'm not sure why you posted here as you've clearly made up your mind already.
EmpressSuiko · 08/02/2022 21:10

If you want to feel sexy and confident again then you should look into a photography studio that offers a boudoir package, honestly it’s such a nice experience! I seriously hate everything about me but my husband adores me and I wanted some photos that I can look at and go that’s me! Now obviously I didn’t love all of them, some of them were awful but others came out amazing and I felt like a Queen on the day, if I ever feel low I look at a couple of the photos and it gives me a confidence boost.
My husband has asked if I’d be willing do some more with his car as he would love it but like you there’s no pressure, he just wants me to feel good about myself and also wants a special photo of me to use on his desktop!

ImInStealthMode · 08/02/2022 21:14

@Lemis Different strokes for different folks, exactly.

There's nothing at all about a bath that 'sets the mood' for me, much less makes me feel better about my body if I'm not feeling very confident.

Lolling about with a glass of wine in something loose and silky, different story.

EarthSight · 08/02/2022 21:17

@LissyW

Thanks for all your replies. There are some very thoughtful comments here, but I am surprised and saddened by how many of you think there's a risk of any photos ending up anywhere I wouldn''t want them to. I trust my husband enough to know that wouldn't happen. He's already said I would have full control of the images. ie, none on his phone etc. Special thanks to StickerPlace; I think his motivation is purely to try help me relocate my sexuality. I love my husband very much and trust him not to take photos that would he would show to anyone else. It's not something that I have ever thought about doing before, but I know men are more image-oriented and, yes, I think it is his way of helping me to see myself as he sees me. There is no pressure from him. He suggested it once and hasn't mentioned it since. The ball is firmly in my court and I suppose my hesitation is because I am not sure how ot would make me feel. Sexy, or dirty? I'm no prude though, so perhaps it would be a positive thing.
Really? It sounds very much to me like your husband's idea of helping you relocate your sexuality is pretty self-serving. A caring man, or anyone with a shred of intelligence, wouldn't ask or 'suggest' that his wife do this because they know what the risks are if those photos are in digital format.

As to you having 'full control' of those images. You won't have any control if you're hacked.

Lol.....prude? You have a strange idea of what prudishness is. Plenty of very sexual women wouldn't want to do this for the reasons I mention.

The more I read your posts, the stranger I think you are. I think you wanted a tidal wave of affirmation that sounds like OMG YES THAT WILL BE AMAZING or YOU GO GIRL!!! Now you've seen several women warning you off doing this for entirely sensible reasons, you don't seem to like it.

Yes, many women here have been in abusive relationship so their opinions might be more negative because of it. They also don't know your husband. However, they don't really have anything to gain by telling you know. They're simply looking out for you.

EarthSight · 08/02/2022 21:18

Telling you no*

astroboy45 · 08/02/2022 21:18

@LissyW

I'm surprised how many distrustful, mean-spirited, and downright cynical some of these replies are. I don't think all men are as deceitful, manipulative, and selfish as some of you clearly think. I certainly don't think my husband is! Part of me thinks, we are not getting any younger and it might be nice to have some images that show me as a sexy woman to look back on in the future. In fact, I sort of wish I had some from when I was even younger. That might even remind me of the fact that I WAS sexy once upon a time.
This is not the sort of thing to post on MN. Everyone here hates men and thinks there's some mean spirited agenda behind everything🤦‍♀️ I totally got your point and see where your husband's coming from. If you'd like to try it then go for it. If you don't like the end result you can always just delete them and forget it even happened🤷‍♀️
astroboy45 · 08/02/2022 21:20

@trumpisagit

Can you imagine looking at "sexy photos" of yourself from 20 odd years ago? I wouldn't find them sexy, but feel a little sad for the me who let herself be exploited. It's your choice OP, but I would advise no.
How is that being exploited? Some of you are far too dramatic on here
EarthSight · 08/02/2022 21:23

mean-spirited

Sorry. I just can't get over this.

Really OP. If you call women on here who've warned you 'mean-spirited' or you think that women are mean-sprited for not considering a sexy photoshoot for their husbands, there's no helping you.

PickAChew · 08/02/2022 21:23

If you want to "relocate your sexuality" doing something you're not 100% comfortable with is not the way to go about it.

SportsMother · 08/02/2022 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EarthSight · 08/02/2022 21:30

Thanks @astroboy45 for wandering onto Mumsnet to tells us what a bunch of overdramatic manhaters we are. Next you'll be calling us crazy or 'sex negative'. Classic.

You're not from Reddit, by any chance?

I'm hoping moderators pay attention to this. I don't mind when men start their own threads as much but it's getting more commonplace to see them wading in with something like #notallmen in order to get women to shut up about their inconvenient experiences.

EarthSight · 08/02/2022 21:35

@astroboy45

If you don't like the end result you can always just delete them and forget it even happened

If you believe this, either you are -
12 years old
Have been living under a rock for the past two decades
Have a low I.Q

Pictures are never 'just deleted'. Unless you take photos with an old Polaroid, store them under lock& key and then burn the photos, it is never 'just deleted'. There is always a trail that is usually recoverable.

Jesus Christ.

astroboy45 · 08/02/2022 21:36

@EarthSight this is what I mean. Read my comment and read how dramatic your response is. Last time I checked I’m not a man, I’m a woman. Please report my post to MN as it doesn’t break the guidelines in any sense and I’ll be happy for them to confirm that my account is genuine. I’m also not from Reddit.

The OP herself has said she trusts her husband yet people are still commenting saying it’ll end up some place the OP doesn’t want it too or her husband may send it around to people. Like can you guys honestly hear yourself. For you to think I’m a man just because you don’t like what I’ve said really proves my point. You sound loony!

2022babyhope · 08/02/2022 21:37

Presuming you trust your husband to be suggesting it with good intentions (as I would my husband) id base it on what makes you feel best Smile a lot of wedding photographers offer "boudoir" packages which are beautiful.

astroboy45 · 08/02/2022 21:38

[quote EarthSight]@astroboy45

If you don't like the end result you can always just delete them and forget it even happened

If you believe this, either you are -
12 years old
Have been living under a rock for the past two decades
Have a low I.Q

Pictures are never 'just deleted'. Unless you take photos with an old Polaroid, store them under lock& key and then burn the photos, it is never 'just deleted'. There is always a trail that is usually recoverable.

Jesus Christ.[/quote]
Seriously hun take a chill pill. Please take a breath and remember MN is a forum and is not real life. Just like social media. Maybe you enjoy go and back and forth with strangers over the Internet for no clear reason but I certainly do not. Enjoy your night love